Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Invasion
by DarkAlliGator
Summary: Co-written with Luulasnightmares. Twilight has invaded Hyrule! Can Link save his land from a future of rubbishy vampire romances and defeat the King of Twilight, Edward Cullen?
1. The Invasion Begins

_WARNING!_

_This story is not suitable for the following people:_

_People who love Twilight more than life_

_Obsessed Edward Cullen fangirls/fanboys_

_Obsessed Bella fanboys/fangirls_

_Obsessed Jacob fangirls/fanboys_

_Any form of Twi-tard_

_People who can't take a joke_

_**You have been warned... **_

_..._

Link was happily walking in the spring talking to Ilia when it happened. A sparkly girl riding a large-ish wolf burst in on the happy scene whooping, followed by several monsters waving weapons.

"What the..." Link started, but was hit on the head from behind by one of the monsters. Oh dear. And he's meant to be the hero? Epona ran away because although she looked like a horse she was secretly a chicken. Ilia just screamed and got grabbed by the monsters, who ran back to wherever they'd come from.

Ages later, Link woke up.

"Oops," he muttered, realising that he'd just let Ilia get kidnapped. "I suppose I'd better go get her back then." He got to his feet, grumbling about the indignity of being knocked into a spring and getting wet, and mysteriously dried off in less than a minute. He grinned. Sometimes, he loved being made of pixels. As he walked to the edge of the spring, he noticed some horseweed.

"Epona loves horseweed!" So he picked some horseweed and blew it. Nothing happened.

"Stupid horse. Isn't she meant to come running when I do that?" Eventually, he realised that he'd have to go after the monsters on foot. He left the patch of horseweed and ran in the direction the monsters had left, even though he had been unconscious when they had left so could not possibly have known what direction they went. Somehow, he just knew. Vague memories of a cutscene flashed through his head. He ran and ran, knowing exactly which way to go and skidded to a halt as a huge wall greeted him. It wasn't a wall exactly, at least not a solid one. He could see through it, only the world behind it looked strange and distorted. He cautiously reached forwards and touched the wall. It sparked and fizzed, stinging his finger.

"_Hmm... Pixels are blocking my way!"_

So now what? He knew that the monsters had gone that way, but he couldn't get past that damn pixel wall!

Eventually, the question was answered for him. All of a sudden, the pixel wall fizzed and sparked, and a hand reached forwards for him! Link yelled and stumbled backwards, trying to avoid the hand, however he was not quick enough. The hand fastened around his arm and with incredible strength yanked him through the pixel wall, which still sparked and fizzed, but for some reason allowed him through this time. Dazed, Link blinked and looked around. When he saw the creature that had grabbed him, he yelled and tried to break free. It looked human to begin with, but when it smiled the sharp canines showed that it was in no way human. It was a vampire. The vampire released his arm, and Link collapsed to the floor. He rose briefly, screamed in agony, and collapsed again as his body began to change. His ears lengthened and thick fur began to sprout from his body. When the change was completed, Link was no longer Link.

In fact, he was a rabbit.

From the shadows, a small imp frowned. That was _not_ what was meant to happen. She floated over to the rabbit.

"Excuse me for a moment," she said to the vampire, who looked confused but nodded.

"Two minutes," it replied. The imp poked the rabbit.

"Wrong game, you idiot!" She hissed.

"Meep?" Asked the rabbit. The imp sighed.

"This is the _twilight realm, _not the dark world you idiot! You turn into a rabbit in the dark world, but that's a whole other game! This is the twilight realm, and you are supposed to be a _wolf _not a rabbit! I know they're similar, but you can't keep getting them mixed up like this! Plus you're supposed to be unconscious!" The rabbit made a sound that sounded a bit like an apology, and morphed into a wolf before flopping to the ground, unconscious. The imp nodded approvingly.

"Carry on, and pretend that none of that just happened," she said to the vampire, who nodded and slung the unconscious wolf over one shoulder, beginning the long trek to Hyrule castle.

Link woke up in a prison cell. Worse than that, one of his arms, sorry, _legs _was chained to the floor. And he was a wolf. He howled in rage, pulling against the chain. It didn't budge, and all that happened was that he managed to run round in a circle. After doing this several times, he stopped. There was someone at the cell door. A small, imp like creature grinned at him through the bars. Suddenly, it disappeared and appeared in the cage right next to him. He lunged at it, snapping at the creature, who giggled as the chain pulled tight, preventing him from getting any closer.

"Ooh, in a bad mood aren't we? I won't help you escape if you act like that." Link immediately quietened down. Escape? He sat down. The imp giggled again and flew over.

"That's better. Good boy." Link thought about growling at this annoying creature, but decided against it. It probably wasn't a good idea. The imp gestured, and the chain snapped. Link stared in delight and ran to the cell door, waiting for that to be opened. The imp giggled and appeared on the other side of the bars.

"You can work this bit out for yourself. I need to check that you're at least partially intelligent!" The wolf sighed. This was not a good day. He searched for a way out, and discovered a patch of soft soil against the bars of the cell. He scrabbled at the floor, digging his way out. _Now wasn't that conveniently placed?_ The imp smiled.

"Finally! I thought you weren't going to make it out then."

"Of course I could get out, what'd'you think I am, stupid?" Link growled. The imp just giggled annoyingly.

"Come on then. I'll help you out, but you've got to do everything I say. And one more thing. You're a wolf, you're not supposed to talk!"

"Sorry," mumbled Link.

"Shut up! To be honest, I'm not sure you're even meant to talk as a human!" Link had to protest at this.

"Do you know how boring it is not talking and just making these silly noises every time I do something? I'm bored of not talking! It's just one game. Let me off just this once?" The imp sighed.

"Fine. As long as you don't talk as a wolf." Link nodded his agreement.


	2. Shiiiiiny

"Hey!" The imp said. Link ignored her. He was too busy trying to _navi_gate (A/N Bad pun intended!) the thin rope he was walking on. The imp got annoyed.

"Hey! Listen!" Link jerked backwards as if he'd had an electric shock, and fell off the rope, landing at the bottom mysteriously unharmed.

"AAAAAGGGGHHH!" He howled. The imp looked at him, smirking. She'd obviously touched a nerve.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't EVER say "hey, listen!" ever again!" He snapped. He'd had much more than his fair share of "hey, listen!"s.

"Why not?" asked the imp, curious. "And you're not meant to be talking by the way..."

"I'll tell you later. You just made me fall off that rope." He looked back up at the spiralling stairs and groaned. He had got so near to the top...

Half an hour later, Link dragged himself towards the room that the imp had directed him to. On the way there, he had fallen back down the stairs hundreds of times, been attacked by numerous black blobs, got shot at with flaming arrows and eventually managed to get onto the roof, which he had also fallen off. Luckily, instead of plummeting to his death, he had fallen, made a sound which sounded suspiciously like a cow instead of a wolf and everything had gone black. When his vision cleared, he was standing back on the exact same spot he had fallen off. Maybe it had something to do with being made of pixels. Maybe he was resistant to all large falls. However, he had not tested this theory out and didn't think he was going to. But anyway, all that was behind him now and he had finally reached the room he had been directed to. Before he entered, the imp stopped him.

"Listen. We're going to meet Zelda, alright? So remember: you're a wolf, and wolves don't talk." Link sighed, but nodded.

"Fine. Let's go." They entered the room.

"You're here. Finally! I guess this is the right guy Midna?" a young lady said.

"Yes, this is him." said the imp.

"Well, let me just tell you what's going on. I'm sure you're confused. Anyway, basically this evil vampire guy called Edward Cullen attacked my castle with a load of vampire and werewolf soldiers. He defeated all of my soldiers, who to be honest are all wimps anyway, and covered the area in Twilight. Do you know what Twilight is?" Link shook his head, remembering not to talk.

"Twilight used to be a rubbishy book about vampires, but some idiot went and merged it with this video game, The Legend of Zelda, which caused big problems for all of us. All the vampires and werewolves came, and stole the light away from our light spirits, covering the area in Twilight. Edward Cullen is the leader of the vampires and werewolves (who to be honest seem more like puppy dogs), and his wife Bella defeated the former Twilight princess and took the role for herself."

"Bitch!" Midna hissed. "I hate Bella." Zelda continued as if Midna had not spoken.

"They also have an alliance with the werewolves, and their leader is called Jacob. That's basically all you need to know, but let me tell you one last thing. All vampires have this special ability called sparkle power. It's extremely dangerous, if a vampire activates it it could blind you or worse, kill you. Edward Cullen's sparkle power is the most sparkliest and dangerous of them all. There's only one thing that can counteract it: Shiny power."

"Sparkle power? Shiny power? I'm sorry, what?" Link asked, unable to keep quiet a moment longer.

"You're a wolf! You're not meant to talk!" Zelda and Midna said in unison. Zelda sighed and continued.

"Anyway, in the Twilight realm there are things called Sols. If you get one of these it will make your sword go all shiny and pretty. This is shiny power. Hopefully it should cancel out Edward Cullen's sparkle power. But look on the bright side, even if it doesn't you'll still have a pretty sword!" Link thought about having a shiny sword, and his mouth dropped open in awe. He would kill to have a shiny sword.

"Shiny..." he muttered. "Shiiiiny..." Zelda and Midna winked at eachother.

"That was easy to convince him!" Zelda muttered. Link looked up.

"OK, quit the talking, let's go! I need to get back to my human form and get a shiny sword... I mean, kill Edward Cullen!" Midna giggled.

The portal opened and Link reformed in the spring as a wolf.

"What? Hey, I'm still a wolf! I can't make my sword shiny like this!" Midna giggled.

"No you idiot, you've got to get rid of the Twilight first! Then you'll be a human again."

"So how do I do that?"

"Go see the light spirit, he'll tell you."

"Is he shiiiiiny?" Link asked eagerly. Midna smiled.

"Yes. He's very... shiiiiiny." Link zoomed off. "Hey, wait for me!" Midna yelled, and floated after him as fast as she could. She could see it would be easy to keep Link totally under her control. Eventually they reached the spring of the light spirit.

"Hey, big shiny dude! Come out! I wanna talk to you!" Link practically screamed, splashing around in the spring. A ball of light formed, and he gazed at it.

"Shiiiiiny..."

"O, great hero chosen by the Gods... my time is short. I shall tell you what you need so that you can restore the area to its former light..."

"Shiny people speak funny," Link muttered.

"What?" said the ball of light. "I heard that. I'm _meant _to speak like that. But fine, I'll talk like this if you want. OK. The vampires stole my light and stored it in that accursed book Twilight."

"So how do we get it back?" Midna asked.

"You need to track down all copies of the book Twilight in this area, and burn them. This will release the stolen light, which you can collect in this weird thingy. A weird thingy floated over to above Link's head. Midna grabbed it.

"I shall mark on your map where the books are. Fare well, great hero..."

"Come on Link, let's go!" Yelled Midna.

"But he's so shiiiiiny..." The ball of light disappeared. Link blinked.

"Alright, let's go!" He bounded off.

An hour later, Link had found all of the books. He collected the final piece of light in the weird thingy, and waited for something to happen. In a blink of an eye, he was back at the spring, human again.

"I'm a real boy! Yay!" He yelled happily. The Twilight had gone. "Now we can go and make my sword shiny!" He looked round. "Midna? Where are you?"

"Hiding in your shadow." Midna came out of Link's shadow to float in front of him. "And I'm afraid it's not that easy. First we need to get the weapons to defeat Bella Cullen."

"What? But I thought we were going to make my sword shiny!"

"All in good time. We need to collect these things called Fused Shadows, then we need to use the Mirror of Twilight to get to the Twilight realm, where we can defeat Bella and make your sword shiny. Then we can defeat Edward Cullen and Jacob Black."

"OK, OK. So where do we need to go?"

"The forest temple. There's probably gonna be a vampire guarding the fused shadow there, but we can beat them. Their shiny power won't be anywhere near as advanced as Edward's, and there should be some useful item in there we can use to counter it."

"Alright then, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" With that, Link began his journey to the forest temple.


	3. Squeak!

_Hello again. Just a little note to say, sorry if the twilight characters are a little OOC. It's just I only read twilight once (the biggest mistake of my life) and I am NOT reading it again. _

_..._

_Squeak! Squeak! _Link gritted his teeth and did his best to ignore it.

_Squeak! Squeak!_

"Midna, why am I not allowed to kill this random monkey again?" Link asked with a pained expression.

"She's helping us," said Midna, also with a pained expression. "There are places we couldn't get without her..."

"Yes, but she's driving me crazy, and I'm sure someone could find a cheat code or something to get me past those bits. I didn't even ask for its help! I swear, if it squeaks one more time I'm gonna cut it in half."

_Squeak!_

Link drew his sword and swung it at the monkey. It passed straight through without doing anything whatsoever. Link sighed in despair and offered a silent prayer to the Player.

_Please, Player, press the mute button. Please. I can't take much more._

His prayer was answered when everything suddenly went silent. He looked around for a second, shocked, then jumped up in the air.

_YEAHHH!_ The word appeared above his head. Midna stared at him.

_What did you do? _Appeared above her head.

_I prayed! And my prayers have been answered! _Link turned to smirk at the monkey, but had a nasty shock.

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

There were so many squeaks above the monkey's head it began to obscure Link's vision, and there were still more appearing.

_Link! Get the sound back! _Was all Link managed to read above Midna's head before it was obscured by squeaks.

_No! Please, Player, put the sound back on!_ Link sighed with relief as the squeaks disappeared and became audible. Midna floated up to him.

"Looks like we're gonna have to put up with it."

"I guess. I put up with Navi, I suppose I'll be alright..."

_Squeak! _Link groaned. This was going to be a long journey.

Link was right, and what's more he now had three squeaking monkeys following him instead of one.

"GO AWAY!" He yelled. The monkeys turned and ran. Link stared in shock.

"Wha...? You mean... I scared them off?"

"No..." Midna said. "That did..." There was a massive, ear-busting "SQUEAK!" Link turned around to see a massive baboon holding a boomerang.

"Oh." The doors slammed shut and locked.

"Yes," Midna agreed. "Oh." The baboon leapt onto a pillar and threw the boomerang at Link, who jumped to one side. The boomerang curved round in a perfect arc and flew back to the baboon.

"How on earth does he do that?" Midna asked. "Whenever I throw a boomerang it never comes back like that."

"What?" Said Link, desperately dodging the boomerang. "It's easy. I do it all the time." He pulled out his catapult and fired a couple of shots at the baboon, which jumped onto another pillar and returned fire with the boomerang. Link dodged out of the way and slammed into a pillar, causing it to wobble dangerously.

"That's it!" Link leapt forwards and did a forward roll into the pillar the baboon was on. The pillar wobbled and the baboon gave a squeak and fell off, landing heavily on the floor stunned. Link ran over to attack, and slashed at the baboon with his sword which mysteriously did not cut it to fragments but made it flash red.

After about 10 seconds, the baboon came back to its senses and got up. It hissed at Link before jumping back onto the pillar. Link stared at it.

"Midna, what's up with that baboon? It looks kinda sparkly."

"They probably infected it with a little vampire blood. Just beat it around a bit, it'll come to its senses and realise how rubbish Twilight is soon enough."

"Alright! Animal cruelty for the winners!" Link yelled, and continued his attack.

Eventually, the baboon squeaked with pain and held up its hands, offering Link the boomerang. Link took it, smiling.

"Thank you very much. Come on Midna, let's go. I have a feeling now I've got this I can get to places I couldn't before."

Link stood beside the large door, holding the boss key.

"Ready Midna?"

"Me? Ready? Hey, don't get me wrong. _I'm _not gonna be doing anything. _You're _the one who's gonna do all the work."

"Fine," Link said and opened the door, coming face to face with a vampire.

"So, you made it this far," muttered the vampire. "Let me introduce myself. I am Jasper Cullen, brother of Edward Cullen and master of the forest temple. I know who you are and what you want to do, but you know what? I'm not gonna let you. Edward trusted me with this temple under the condition I don't let you anywhere near the fused shadows, and I intend to keep that promise." He bared his fangs. "Maybe if you're strong enough I won't kill you. I'll just transform you so you can serve Edward." Link's hand went to his sword, and in a flash Jasper was on the other side of the room.

"Let's see you hurt me now." With incredible speed, he ran _up the wall_ to stand on a raised platform. Link pulled his catapult and fired a few shots. Jasper laughed and caught them, throwing them back at Link. They hit him like bullets, sending him stumbling backwards. Midna floated next to Link.

"That won't work. He's too fast. Try something else!" Link pulled out his boomerang and threw it at Jasper. Jasper caught it and smiled.

"Nice try!" Instead of throwing it back, he placed the boomerang next to him on the platform. Midna was horrified.

"Idiot! Why did you do that? Surely you know by now that the item you get in a temple is the item you use to kill the boss! Now he's got it and you're helpless!"

"Yes, but boss monsters aren't usually intelligent enough to take the weapon off me and keep it!" Jasper reached behind him into a hole in the wall.

"What's he doing?" Midna asked. Her answer came when Jasper hurled one of the exploding insects that were found in the temple at Link. It hit him and exploded. Instead of being killed or maimed like a normal person would have been, Link lost half a heart and was thrown sideways.

"Damn," he gasped. "What can I do now?" Jasper was already retrieving another insect. Midna floated close to his ear.

"Link," she hissed. "Look!" Link looked, and saw the baboon from earlier climbing across the wall to the platform where Jasper was. Jasper, completely unaware to his presence, hurled another insect. This time however, Link managed to dodge the explosion. The baboon grabbed the boomerang from behind Jasper and threw it to Link, who caught it.

"Thanks!" He yelled. The baboon crept forwards, about to push Jasper off the edge when Jasper saw him.

"What are you doing? You're meant to be helping me, not them!" The baboon changed tactic and grabbed an exploding insect, before climbing across the vines on the ceiling until he was in the middle. He dangled down, holding the vines with his back feet and the insect with his front hands. Midna pointed.  
"Look! He's trying to help!" Link aimed the boomerang, and threw it at the insect the baboon was holding. The boomerang snatched the insect out of the baboon's hands and blew it into Jasper, who looked at it for a second.

"What the...?" Then it exploded, throwing Jasper off the edge. Link ran over to the vampire and slashed at him with his sword. Jasper snarled.

"You may have got me. But you're going down with me!" He began to glitter ominously.

"Link! Look out! He's using sparkle power!" Midna cried. Link leapt out of the way and squeezed his eyes shut. Jasper Cullen exploded in a burst of sparkles, leaving behind only a dark object and a large heart. Link looked up cautiously.

"Is it safe?"

"Yes, he's dead." Link walked over to the heart and picked it up.

"Yeah! Heart container!" He watched as his hearts increased by one.

"Never mind that, look at this!" Midna indicated the dark object.

"What's that?"

"The fused shadow. What we came for." She tapped it and sent it to wherever she sent objects usually. "Well done. So, want me to take you back to the entrance?"

"Yes please," said Link.


	4. Breaking, Entering and Large Explosions

Link stood looking at the pixel wall, psyching himself up.

"So you're sure the next fused shadow is past here?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm certain. Come on. Since when have you ever been to a prison or dungeon and the object you've been looking for isn't there?" Midna replied.

"Well, there was this one time in the Minish Cap... I went looking for the air element in castor wilds but..."

"Nobody cares!" Midna butted in. "I definitely KNOW the fused shadow is past that wall. Now hurry up and get ready before I drag you in there anyway."

"But if I go in there I'll turn into a wolf."

"Yes. And?"

"I don't want to be a wolf. I'm not allowed to talk."

"But you know what else is in there? There's another light spirit. And he's even shinier than the last one!" Link froze.

"Get me through that pixel wall now!" Midna smiled and floated effortlessly through the wall. She reached out and yanked Link through, watching as he flopped down and morphed into a wolf.

Link ran to the spring, and watched as the ball of light appeared.

"Shiiiiny..."

"O, great hero chosen by the Gods... my time is short. I shall tell you what you need so that you can restore the area to its former light..."

"Wait, wait, wait. Stop right there!" Link said.

"You're a wolf!" Midna hissed. "Stop talking!"

"But you are saying exactly the same thing as the other light spirit said. And I mean _exactly _the same thing."

"Oh yeah!" said Midna. "I didn't notice that!" The light spirit sighed.

"Yeah, I know. Well you know what I'm going to say next then, destroy the twilight books, collect the light in this weird thingy, save Hyrule. Off you go!" Midna grabbed the weird thingy, and they began their search.

"Say, Link?" Midna said. Link nodded, remembering not to talk.

"There are an awful lot of houses around here. Looks like we're gonna have to do a bit of breaking and entering. Your map says that house has a twilight book in it. Let's break in!"

"How?" Link asked.

"Just break in through their window." Midna showed Link a point where it would be easy to jump off and go straight through the window. Link smiled as much as a wolf could smile.

"I've always wanted to do something like this." He leapt through the window, exiting the other side in an explosion of broken glass. "So dramatic!" Midna rolled her eyes.

"Never mind that, just find the book."

"Right!" Link honed his wolf senses and saw the book hiding in the corner. He edged towards it, growling. The book leapt at him, buzzing with electricity and hit him. He yelped, losing half a heart. Midna giggled.

"Seriously? You just got pwned by a book."

"Shut up." Link leapt at the book and tore it into shreds. A drop of light was released, and he collected it in the weird thingy.

"Looks like that's all in this house. Let's go somewhere else." Link agreed, leaping out of the window.

Link leapt on to the roof of the building.

"Look at me, I'm the king of the castle!" He said happily, running around in circles. However, as he was completing the circle the roof below him gave way. He yelped and fell into the building below.

"That fragile ceiling was conveniently placed," commented Midna. "Without it there would be no way to get in here." Link nodded.

"Well, let's go find some of these books."

Link encountered several conveniently placed fragile roofs and open windows, and was beginning to feel like a master burglar.

"You know, I quite enjoy smashing up people's roofs and windows," he commented to Midna.

"It's quite satisfying," Midna agreed. "But come on Link, there's only one book left in this village. The rest are up that mountain over there." Link glanced at it.

"Oh, you mean sunshine rainbow mountain." Midna frowned.

"Isn't it called death mountain?"

"Yeah, but that's just because people want to make it sound dramatic and scary. I've been there and it's quite a nice place really."

"...whatever you say." Link reached the top of the hill and looked at the house the books were in. He walked all around the sides of the house until he found a conveniently placed tunnel into the house. He crawled through it.

"Okay, I'm in." He looked around. The walls were plastered with posters that said "GUNPOWDER STORAGE. ABSOLUTELY NO FIRE". Despite this, there was a small fire in the corner and a fireplace on one of the walls. Link went and peered up the fireplace.

"There are three books up there!"

"Well how are you going to get them out?" asked Midna.

"Easy!" Said Link, and picked up a stick. He set one end of it on fire and walked to the fireplace. Midna winced.

"Sure that's the best idea?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun." Link lit the fireplace. The books shot out of the fireplace and flew burning around the room, setting it on fire. Midna sighed.

"Told you so. I'm out of here." She spun round and vanished. Link was left watching the fire spread.

"Oops." There was a small explosion, and he jumped, snapping out of his daze.

"Oh, crap!" He ran for the tunnel. As Link ran out, the house exploded. He giggled in delight.

"Look! I blew it up!" The tears of light floated towards him and he collected them in the weird thingy. Midna sighed.

"Well... I suppose that's one way to do it."

Eventually, all the tears of light were collected. Link smiled as he was transformed into a human.

"So what now, Midna?" Midna did not reply.

"Midna?"

"Link!" Link turned round and saw the children.

"Oh! You're here!" The children ran up and hugged Link.

"We were so scared..."

"Are you Mr. Link?" Link looked around and saw a stern-looking man walking towards him holding a clipboard.

"Uh... yes?"

"Well then, you are under arrest for criminal damage. You will be fined 500 rupees plus however much money it takes for the buildings you damaged to be fixed. Expect the total cost to be well over 5000 rupees."

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm innocent! You can't prove that was me." Link said slyly. "Where is the evidence I did anything?"

"This audio clip from the security camera near Barne's bomb shop." He pressed "play" on a small device.

" "_... I quite enjoy smashing up people's roofs and windows!" "It's quite satisfying. But come on Link..."" _The man stopped the recording.

"That wasn't me, that was a wolf called Link. I know because I saw him. I was going to stop him, but he tried to maul my arm and I was scared. Watch the video footage, you'll see it was a wolf." Link said quickly. The man pulled out a laptop computer and looked at the screen for a minute.

"Oh, of course. You're absolutely right. I apologise for the inconvenience, sir." He walked off.

"Wait a second," Link muttered. "Since when have we had CCTV and laptop computers?" The man turned round.

"Wait a second. Since when did wolves _talk?" _Link winced.


	5. Link's Bad Day

Link left the police station rupeeless and very, very angry.

"So this is how they treat someone who's trying to save the world?"

"It would have helped if you had made up some believable-sounding excuse. Not "I'm trying to save the world from Twilight and I had to smash people's houses to do so"." Midna said.

"But I was telling the truth!"

"Try telling that to that guy back there." Link sighed and slashed his sword angrily at some random passersby, who ducked quickly.

"Careful, you'll end up back in that police station if you carry on like that!" Midna warned.

"Police station," Link muttered. "I'll give them police station. They'll be sorry when I fail to kill Edward Cullen because I didn't have enough money to buy an essential weapon. They'll be sorry..."

Link continued muttering all the way to sunshine rainbow mountain. He was even more displeased when a goron rolled into him and knocked him back down the ladder.

"Go away, human! You're too weak!" The goron yelled at him. Link swore at the goron and walked off, straight into the police officer. He resisted the urge to swear at the police officer, as this would undoubtedly lead to him being even further in debt.

"What were you doing up there?" The police officer asked. "It's dangerous."

"I need to get up there to save the world from Twilight," Link sighed. "Not that I expect you to believe me." The police officer laughed.

"Oh don't worry, I believe your story. It's just we needed the money, the sofas in the police station were getting quite old!"

"You WHAT?" Link screamed. "So I'm trying to save the world, and you took all that money off me just so you could buy new sofas?"

"Yep," the policeman said happily. "And very good sofas it'll buy too. Anyway, to thank you for your help, and because I don't want the world to end, I'm going to..."

"Give me my money back?" Link asked hopefully. The policeman laughed.

"Hahahahaha, no. Nice one. Nope, I'm gonna give you a word of advice. The head honcho in your village knows how to beat the gorons in a match of strength, so you'll be able to get up that mountain! Have fun!" Link screamed abuse at the man as he walked off.

Two hours later, Link was still in the village.

"I don't want to walk back," he moaned. "It's too far."

"You've got to!" Midna hissed. "For the sake of Hyrule!"

"Yeah, but... where the heck is Epona anyway?" Link complained. That's when Epona charged at him.

"AAHHH!" He leapt out of the way. "Well, that saves me the problem of walking back. " He leapt onto Epona's back, and stopped her bucking around. "Let's go!"

Link arrived at the head of the village's house, and walked straight in without knocking.

"I need to beat the gorons, how do I do it? Oh by the way, the kids are in the village."

"Good good. Sumo wrestle them with these boots on. Here." He handed Link the iron boots.

"Thanks, I'll be off now." Link left.

"That was quick," Midna commented.

"I didn't want him to challenge me to a sumo wrestling match. I mean, a fat old man half naked?" Link shuddered. Midna shuddered too.

"Ok, I get your point. Let's go."

As soon as Link entered the village he could tell that something was wrong. He looked at the children, and saw something sparkly in the distance. It seemed to be getting closer.

"What's that, Midna?" He asked, squinting to see it. Midna looked at it.

"Link! Close your eyes! It's a vampire!" But it was too late. The sparkly girl that had began everything rode straight towards the children on her wolf, whooping all the way. All of the children except one leapt out of the way. The other one was so dazzled by the sparkle power she couldn't move.

"Sparkly... spaaaarkly..."

Link was also dazzled by the sparkle power.

"Link! Do something!" Midna yelled.

"I... can't move! So... so... sparkly... I can't..." The sparkly girl grinned and picked up the child, tying her to the top of her banner.

"Let's go!" She yelled, and rode off into Hyrule field whooping. Link snapped back to his senses.

"Damn it!" He leapt on Epona and galloped after the vampire.

Link yelled at the vampire.

"Put her down!"

"No! Come and get her!" The vampire yelled. Link growled and spurred Epona on. The vampire laughed and blew a horn. Link heard the sound of paws pounding against the ground and turned round to look. A whole hoard of vampires riding werewolves were chasing after him. He kicked Epona faster to catch up to the sparkly girl, and began slashing at her with his sword.

"Who are you anyway?" He growled. "What do you want?"

"I'm the daughter of Edward Cullen and Bella Cullen! And I'm doing as they say so they don't tell me off." She snarled, and kicked her werewolf. The wolf lashed at Epona, causing her to rear up and stop running. The other werewolf riding vampires caught up with Link, whilst the sparkly girl ran off on her wolf.

"Get away you damn vampires!" Link yelled, slashing at the vampires. One of the vampires began to sparkle ominously. Link looked away.

"No, Link! It's safe! Watch where you're going!" Midna said. Link looked back at the vampire and saw him transfer his sparklyness into an arrow shape.

"What's he doing?" His question was answered when the vampire loaded the sparkly bolt into his bow and shot it at Link. He was knocked off Epona and shuddered as the pure sparkle power flooded through him. It hurt like hell.

"Agh!" He was trampled by a werewolf, but still managed to get up and jump back on Epona. He slashed at the vampires around him, knocking many of them off their wolves, and galloped after the girl. He caught up with her, and slashed at her with his sword again.

"Ahh, go AWAY!" she shrieked and sped off towards the bridge. Link followed her, and the other vampires and werewolves fell behind. She leapt over the barricade across the bridge with Link close on her tail, and ran to the other side of the bridge, spinning round to face Link.

"Fire!" She yelled, and some of the vampires who had been following her fired sparkly bolts at the barriers. They began sparkling dangerously, preventing anyone from leaving the bridge.

"Right then," she growled. "Let's get this finished." Then she charged at Link. Link sped Epona towards her.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to charge her head on? That werewolf's a lot bigger than you..." Midna said. Link ignored her, and charged straight towards the werewolf. As the two were about to collide, the werewolf reared up and smacked Link off Epona with a clawed fist. He fell off the bridge, screaming. Midna watched as he fell down.

"I did try to warn you..."

Link reappeared on Epona minus a heart.

"She made me lose a heart! She's gonna pay for that." He spun Epona round to face the girl, and charged. This time, as they were about to collide he pulled Epona to the side and slashed at the girl as they went past. She yelled and tried to spin her werewolf round to smack Link again, but it was too big and bulky and by the time it had turned round Link was at the other side of the bridge. The two charged at eachother once again. Link ducked under the werewolf's fist/paw and slashed at the girl. She screamed and flew off the werewolf's back into the abyss.

"I'll be back, Link! Remember the name, Renesmee Cullen WILL have her revenge!" Link watched her fall.

"I certainly will remember the name. It's ridiculous! Anyway, I don't see how anyone could survive that fall."

"You did." Midna pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm the main character. Anyway..." there was a low growl behind them. Link turned to see the werewolf staring at them, drool dripping from its mouth. Link backed away, taking care not to fall off the edge.

"Get away!" Midna laughed.

"No, Link, look." The wolf morphed into a human.

"Ahh... please don't hurt me! Here, you can take the girl!" He untied the kid from the banner and fled. Link smiled.

"I see what Zelda meant about the werewolves."


	6. Sunshine Rainbow Mountain

"Hmm..." Link said.

"What's up?" Asked Midna.

"Well... I'm not sure I can be bothered to take this girl back. I mean, it's an awfully long cutscene and it won't be very interesting for anyone, not for me, not for you, not for the author and not for the people reading this story." Midna nodded in agreement.

"Fair enough. Let's just leave her here then, she can make her own way back."

"Are you sure that's safe?" Link asked nervously.

"Of course it's safe! The worst that can happen is that she gets eaten by wolves, and if that happens you can always pretend you couldn't rescue her." Midna grinned as she said this. Link smiled.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. Quick, let's go before she wakes up!"

Half an hour later, Link once again began the journey to sunshine rainbow mountain. As he reached the top of the ladder, he saw the goron that had knocked him down earlier glaring at him.

"You again!" It roared.

"Come on at me, bro!" Link yelled, quickly changing into his iron boots. The goron rolled into a ball and sped towards Link. Link spread his arms out and grabbed the goron just before it hit him. He twisted sideways, hurling the goron down the ladder.

"Mmph!" Yelled the very surprised goron, before rolling straight into the police officer from earlier who had apparently come to see what all the noise was about. Link smiled.

"Two birds with one stone! That's for taking my money, you stupid police officer! And that's for knocking me over, you dumb goron!" He yelled, before continuing up the mountain.

Finally, Link reached the top of sunshine rainbow mountain. He peeked into the room that had been carved into the cliff, and saw that it was full of gorons.

"Now what are you going to do?" asked Midna. "They'll notice you if you go in there, and you can't fight off that many gorons." Link shrugged.

"Meh, I'll work something out." He strode into the room. Immediately all the gorons saw him, roared with anger and began rolling towards him.

"Ahh... I'll just go then!" Link squeaked, terrified, and began to run from the room .

"STOP!" A loud voice commanded. Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately, even the rolling gorons who somehow managed to continue rolling on the spot.

"How are you doing that?" Link asked, intrigued.

"Shut up!" The voice demanded. Link turned to look and saw it was an elderly goron. The goron walked towards him.

"What are you doing here human, and how did you get past the guards?" He asked.

"Well your guards weren't very strong. And I'm here because I need the fused shadow that's inside sunshine rainbow mountain. Sooo if you'll just let me past, I can go get it and then I'll leave straight away!" Link laughed nervously. Taking on gorons one to one was fine, but all these gorons in one room... The elderly goron paced circles around him.

"Hmm, you're a cocky one aren't you? Go on then. If you beat me in a wrestling match I'll let you go in. Oh, and by the way. There's a vampire down there somewhere, along with our old leader. He got bitten by the vampire and went slightly psycho. So if you do manage to beat me, take this to our leader. He handed Link a phial of water. "Holy water. Make our leader drink it, and he should come to his senses. He didn't get transformed into a vampire, just bitten by one so it won't hurt him."

"OK," Link said. "Let's wrestle."

After ten attempts, Link finally won. Midna floated next to him, smirking.

"Bet you wish you'd practised now."

"Shut up."

"Imagine all the bruises you could have avoided. You're just lucky that they let you try as many times as you needed, or else we'd have been in trouble."

"It doesn't matter. We're in now." Link sighed. It was boiling. "I might take my hat off, it's roasting in here."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Midna yelled.

"Why not?" Link asked, confused.

"That's the hero's hat! And it's like your trademark or something. You wouldn't be Link without that hat."

"I didn't have the hat before. Or when I was a wolf." Link protested. Midna smirked knowingly.

"Well, you can _try_ to take it off..."

"Try? What's that meant to mean?" Link yanked his hat. It did not come off. "Damn, why won't it come off?" Midna giggled.

"Oh well, looks like you're gonna have to put up with it. Let's go." Link walked nervously to the edge of the lava pit.

"So I'm meant to jump to that platform there?"

"What are you so nervous about?" Midna asked teasingly. "It's only boiling hot lava." Link swallowed.

"Close your eyes if you're scared," Midna suggested. Link took a couple of steps back, closed his eyes and leapt. And missed. Midna watched him sink screaming into the lava.

"Hmm, maybe that wasn't the best suggestion I've ever made..." Link reappeared at the entrance, glaring at Midna.

"Silly Link, you can't swim in lava!" She sang happily. Oddly enough, after this Link did not speak to Midna for quite some time.

"Hmm, what's this?" Link said finally. He was in a room with a weird kind of crane thing.

"Oh, so you're talking to me now?" Midna asked.

"No. I was... talking to myself. Anyway, I'm gonna go stand on that button over there."

"You do that." Link walked to the button and jumped on it. Nothing happened.

"I'll try it with my boots..." He put the heavy boots on and jumped on the button. Instantly, everything flipped upside down.

"AAGHH!" His feet slammed into something solid, and he stood there for a moment before realising he was still upside down.

"What just happened?" He asked. "And more importantly, why is this goddamn hat not falling off?"

"It looks like you just switched on an electromagnet," Midna said. "Any minute now it should..." Abruptly, the electromagnetic crane thingy swivelled round, carrying Link with it until he was dangling above another platform.

"You can get to a new area now!" Midna said happily. "So, just drop down and..."

"Yeah, but how do I get down?" Link asked.

"Take your boots off, obviously!"

"Yeah, but how do I do that without leaving them stuck to this electromagnet?" Link yelled. "Quick, all the blood is going to my head and I'm feeling dizzy!"

"I don't know! Just unequip them or something, you can do it!" Link somehow switched back to his normal boots and dropped to the floor, landing safely on his feet.

"Whew, that was scary. Although I don't understand how I managed to land on my feet and not my head."

"I don't know... same way you survive falling in lava?"

"And how on earth did this hat stay on my head is what I really want to know!" Midna grinned.

"... staples."

Link cautiously opened the door and entered the room. Sitting on a chair in the room was another elderly goron.

"Argh! It's that goron they were talking about, the one that was bitten by the vampire and went psycho!" Link yelled and drew his sword. He ran towards the goron.

"No! No! That's not me, you've got the wrong goron!" Yelled the goron. "If I give you this key fragment will you leave me alone?" Link skidded to a halt.

"Key fragment? What is this trickery?"

"It's the key to the vampire's door, we managed to lock her in and then we split the key into three so nobody would let her out. The other two pieces are somewhere else." The goron thrust the key at Link. "Take it!"

"That's not fair! Why the hell are there THREE key parts I have to collect? Why can't it just be one single key like there normally is? What smart-ass decided to change it to three key parts?" Link moaned. "I..."

"Shut up and take it!" Midna snapped, and grabbed the key fragment. "Come on Link, let's go." She dragged Link out of the room.

"What's the big hurry?" Link asked.

"There is none. You were just going to go off on a rant and I figured what comes next might cheer you up."

"What comes next, and how do you know?" Link asked. Midna pointed to a funny blue-coloured patch of wall that extended to the ceiling.

"Remind you of anything?"

"That looks like the electromagnet thing... ZOMG!" Link yelled, and put on his heavy boots before stomping over to and up the wall. He walked until he was standing upside down on the ceiling.

"Check it out! I'm Spiderman!"

"Come on Spiderman, quit messing around and let's get back to saving Hyrule..."

A while later, Link had managed to get the second key fragment.

"So, apparently the psycho goron is through here..." He entered the room and immediately the door locked behind him. "Yep, the doors locked. Must be."

"YOU! GET OUT OF HERE HUMAN!" A huge goron roared. Link gulped.

"Uhh... I would but I can't..." he gestured vaguely at the door.

"Get on with it!" Midna hissed at him. Link walked forwards onto the platform where the goron was standing. The goron leapt into the air and landed heavily on the platform, snapping the chains that were holding it up. The platform fell, splashing into the lava below.

"Why did you do that?" Link gasped. "Now what are we meant to do?" The goron just roared and walked towards him menacingly. The platform began to tip alarmingly and Link slid towards the lava.

"No!" He put on his heavy boots, which stuck to the magnetic surface and stopped him sliding. The goron advanced. Link backed off, and almost fell off the edge of the platform. The goron raised his fist ready to attack Link, and Link slashed at him with his sword. The goron curled into a ball and began rolling towards Link.

"Now, Link!" Midna yelled. Link grabbed the goron and threw him into the lava. The goron yelped with pain and instead of sinking into the lava, somehow leapt out of it and landed on the platform on his back.

"Why can't I do that?" Link moaned.

"Never mind that, give him the holy water! Quick!" Midna shouted. Link leapt to the goron and yanked the top off the holy water, forcing the goron to drink it. The goron choked and shuddered.

"What...? What happened? All I remember was that vampire biting me..." He murmured.

"Come on, let's go." Midna said. "We don't need to listen to this."

"Where do we go though? The platform collapsed..." As Link said this, the platform mysteriously rose up into the air back to its original position. "What? How did that happen?"

"Never mind, let's go." They entered the next room and Link opened the chest.

"Da da da daaaaaa! I got the hero's bow!" Link pronounced happily.

"You didn't need to go da da da daaaaaa." Midna said.

"Oh well, I like it. Let's carry on to the next room." They walked through the door.

"Hmm... look at all these creepy statues..." Link said. "That one over there is in the way."

"Well move it out the way then!" Midna sighed. "You really are dense sometimes." Link ignored her and walked up to the statue. A light switched on in its head and a laser beam fired at Link.

"Argh! A dalek!" Link screamed, and ran back into the room. All of the statues in the room began firing lasers.

"Daleks! Help!" Midna floated behind him, unconcerned.

"Daleks? Aren't they those things out of doctor who? They aren't daleks. They're just laser beam thingys." Link ignored her.

"Hmm, the weak point of a dalek is... its eye stalk!" He pulled out the bow and arrow and shot each of the statues in their glowing red "eye". The "eyes" exploded and the statues stopped moving. "I told you they were daleks, Midna."

"What... I don't... urgh, never mind." Midna sighed.

Link smiled as the goron elder gave him the final key shard.

"Here you go, now join them together." Links smile faded.

"How am I meant to do that? I don't have any glue or anything..."

"You mean you didn't bring ANY adhesive at all? What kind of hero are you?" The goron elder yelled. "Not even blu-tack?" Midna sighed.

"Don't worry, I've got this." Out of nowhere, she produced a roll of duct tape.

"Midna... THANK YOU." Link said.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Link asked, holding the taped-up boss key.

"Of course it'll work! Duct tape fixes everything!"

"Hmm... OK." Link inserted the key in the door and turned it. The key fell apart.

"I thought you said it would work!"

"It did work! The door's open, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I bet I've broken the lock and as soon as I shut the door it's gonna lock again and stay like that forever." Link moaned. He sighed and entered the room. Sure enough, the door slammed shut and locked.

"I told you! What did I tell you...?" Link raged.

"Hello there." Link spun around. There, walking towards him was a vampire. She smiled.

"My name is Alice Cullen. I expect you've heard of me?"

"No. Not really." Alice scowled.

"Well you have now. And now I'm going to kill you." It was then that Link noticed the chains on her arms and ankles.

"Why do you have chains on you?" He asked as she advanced.

"Because they tried to chain me up." She smirked. "The idiots. I'm a vampire. Chains are no match for me, I'm too strong for them."

"So how come they're still on you?" Link asked. Alice frowned.

"So I can use them to swat pests like you!" With that, she whipped her arm forwards. The chain whipped forwards and smacked Link in the stomach. He flew backwards and landed on the floor.

"Urgh..." He gasped.

"You should get a safe distance away from her," Midna advised. "You've got a bow."

"Yeah... I should," Link agreed. He ran across the room, narrowly dodging a swipe from the vampire, and hid behind a pillar.

"Try shooting at her face," Midna said. "She seems slightly slower than Jasper was." Link loaded his bow and peeked out from behind the pillar. He aimed, and fired. Alice raised her arms and swatted the arrow out of the way.

"I've got an idea!" Link yelled. He let loose a volley of arrows at the vampire, and then ran right at her. She blocked the arrows, but not before Link grabbed the chains on her ankles. He strained on the chain, trying to pull her over but she was too strong, dragging him after her.

"Link! Put on your heavy boots!" Midna yelled. Link changed his boots and dug them into the floor.

"I didn't notice the floor was magnetic!" He yelled, digging his feet in and yanking on the chain. Alice gave a shriek and fell over. Link changed boots, and ran over to the vampire. He slashed at her with his sword. She snarled and lashed out at him, knocking him backwards.

"Not going down that easily," she growled and grabbed onto his ankle.

"Link! Don't let her bite you!" Midna yelled as Alice bared her fangs. Link heard a small tinkle as something fell out of his pocket and looked. It was the phial of holy water, and there was still a drop left in it! He picked it up and threw it at the vampire. It smashed over her face, and a sizzling burn appeared. Instinctively, she released Link's ankle to put her hands to her face and hissed. Link took his chance and slashed at her with the sword again and again until she screamed with rage and pain. Her skin began to glow ominously.

"Sparkle power!" Link yelled, and threw himself backwards, his arm over his eyes. There was a moment of silence.

"Is it over?" asked Link, withdrawing his arm from his eyes.

"No Link! Don't! It's a trick!" yelled Midna. But too late. Alice Cullen unleashed her sparkle power and Link was blinded by the brightness and sparklyness of it. His skin felt like it was being burned.

"I... I can't see!" He yelled.

"It's alright," someone said. "You got lucky this time. Using her sparkle power finished her off like it did with Jasper. But seriously, you should have been more careful. If it hadn't finished her off, you could be dead by now." Link blinked to try and clear his eyes. Slowly, the world came into focus. As there had been with Jasper, there was a heart container and a fused shadow. Link picked up the heart container and Midna picked up the fused shadow.

"Well, congratulations. You've beaten another vampire." Midna said happily. "Luckily for you her sparkle power was weak. Can you see alright now? It didn't burn you at all did it?" Link looked at his arms. They looked pink, like they had been sunburnt.

"I can see fine, but my arms are kinda pink."

"Well, that'll go soon enough. Look, Link. From now on you're gonna have to be really careful. She was one of the weaker vampires. With the stronger vampires, if their sparkle power catches you you might be blinded permanently or burnt. Bella especially watch out for. You'd be no match for her at the moment."

"What about Edward Cullen?"

"We don't need to worry about him just yet." Midna created a portal. "Come on then, whenever you're ready..." Link smiled and stepped into the portal.

"Two fused shadows down, one to go!"

...

_And there ends another exciting instalment of Legend of Zelda: Twilight Invasion! Stay tuned for the next, blah blah blah. Anyway, just a quick question, does it feel like I'm rushing this? It feels like it to me, but thing is I don't want this to be one of those fanfictions that are about a million chapters long. Oh, and by the way I have a specific grudge against Alice Cullen because my name is Alice. And I was here first. So I killed her off early :D_ _Anyway, see you all later :D_


	7. Wesley the Winged Werewolf

Link rode Epona triumphantly to the end of the village. Barring their way was a large gate.

"I'll jump it!" He crowed, spurring Epona on. Unfortunately, he approached the gate at a funny angle so Epona refused to jump and he had to back off.

"Well that was dramatic," Midna commented sarcastically. "You could just open the gate. No point risking smacking it on the way over and hurting Epona's leg, because then you wouldn't be able to ride her until it healed."

"But that wouldn't be dramatic! And I probably can't open the gate anyway." Link backed off until he gained enough distance to try again, but paused when a man walked past him, not wanting to run him over with Epona.

"Morning," the man said politely before walking to the gate, opening it, and closing it on the other side. Link stared at him until he disappeared from sight. Midna smirked.

"I did tell you..."

Two solid hours later, Link reached the bridge and crossed it. At the end were large rocks blocking his path.

"What... how do I get rid of these rocks?" He yelled, frustrated.

"HEYYYYY!" Someone shouted. Link turned round to see the postman running towards him. He handed Link the letter and ran off. Link opened the letter and read it:

_New shop: Barne's bombs! _

_Do you urgently need to get somewhere but there are giant rocks in the way? Well no problem! Come to Barne's bombs and buy some bombs to blow them up! _

"That sounds perfect!" Link said happily. "Where is this shop?" Then he read the address at the bottom and his smile faded.

"All the way back there? But it took me so long to get here..."

Four hours later, Link arrived back at the bridge with a new bomb bag and several bombs. He pulled one out of the bag, and it instantly started fizzing.

"Woah, what the hell? I didn't even light it or anything!"

"They must auto-ignite," Midna said. "I was getting all ready to laugh at you when you realised you didn't have anything to light the fuse with."

"You mean you realised this beforehand? You would have let me ride all the way back there again to buy something to light it with? Did you also know about these rocks and the bomb shop?"

"Yes," Midna giggled.

"You... rrgh, you just... I could have got rid of this twilight already, but you just... ARGH!" Link growled.

"Well if you're so worried, why..." That was when the bomb went off. Link was thrown off the bridge by the blast, and Midna decided then would be a good time to hide. Link was not going to be happy.

Link reappeared on the bridge.

"MIDNA, WHERE ARE YOU?" He screamed. No reply. He then let off a volley of swear words before pulling out another bomb, placing it carefully by the boulder and turned to run. A portal appeared above the bridge and he froze as the bridge disintegrated.

"Link! That was your fault!" Midna said as she reappeared. "That explosion from earlier weakened the bridge!"

"What... where have you been?" Link snapped. "I did NOT break that bridge. That portal did..."

"Portals don't break things! Oh well, it doesn't matter too much... what matters right now is that." Midna pointed to the portal. Three dark shapes fell down to the ground from it, and the portal vanished. Then the second bomb exploded, and Link was thrown towards the remains of the bridge. He let loose another chain of swear words.

"... damn bombs," He finished with. "Not worth the effort." There was a growl by his ear. He looked round to find out he was face to face with a werewolf and two vampires.

"What are they doing out of the twilight zone...?" He asked Midna, backing away slowly. The werewolf advanced. "And how am I supposed to kill all of them at once?" He slashed at the werewolf, and ran round to attack the vampires. They hissed and tried to grab his arm. Link felt a sharp pain in his back and turned round to see the werewolf had slashed at him while his back was turned. He spun around, sword outstretched, and knocked all of the creatures back.

"Ahh, now here's an idea..." He pulled out a bomb, dropped it and ran. The vampires and werewolf crowded round the bomb, trying to see what it was. Then it exploded, and they were thrown onto the bridge. Another portal formed, lifting the creatures into it before vanishing. Link watched it vanish, satisfied.

"Well, I guess bombs aren't that bad after all." He walked off, continuing down the road.

Finally, Link reached the twilight. He nodded at Midna, who floated into the pixel wall and reached out to pull him into the twilight. Link flopped to the ground and transformed into a wolf.

"So where to now?" He asked.

"Lake Hylia. It should be that way." Midna pointed.

"Ok then. Let's go."

Link walked cautiously towards the bridge.

"Wow that's a big bridge. But where is the lake?"

"Hmmm... there's a puddle there... but that's surely not the lake." Midna said. "It should be around here somewhere. But I would advise you don't go across that bridge."

"Why not?" Link asked. Midna pointed at the black sticky stuff covering the surface of the bridge.

"That looks flammable. It's a perfect place for an ambush."

"NAHH it'll be fine!" Link said confidently and strode across the bridge. Midna sighed and followed.

"This is a bad idea..." she muttered. Link reached the centre of the bridge and stopped.

"It is NOT! Look, I'm in the middle now and nothing's happened!"

"Link, that's just asking for something to happen..." A sparkly arrow flew over their heads and landed at the other side of the bridge. The black substance ignited into sparkly flames which rapidly spread, edging ever further along the bridge. Link turned to run, but another arrow landed at the other end of the bridge, causing sparkly flames to erupt at that end as well.

"Told you so!" Yelled Midna. "I goddamned told you. We're doomed now. There's nowhere to go." The sparkles grew brighter as the fire spread closer. It was beginning to get painful to look at.

"So now what are you going to do?" Midna snapped. "I'm fine, I can just float away. But now you're stuck. Idiot." Link was speechless for once.

"You're the hero! You can't die!" Midna yelled. Link groaned.

"I'm going to die... but I refuse to be sparkled to death!"

"Doesn't look like you have a choice, mate." Midna commented. She sighed. "I guess I'll just have to find another hero then... unless you manage to resurrect somehow. What a bother. Bye Link." She began to float off.

"No! Wait!" Link growled. "I am _not_ going to be sparkled to death! I'd rather kill myself!" He pushed a conveniently placed box to the edge of the bridge and climbed up on it onto the side of the bridge. He looked at the drop and gulped.

"Goodbye cruel world..." Then he jumped.

_SPLASH!_ Link opened his eyes, surprised.

"I'm alive? The puddle saved me! How deep _is_ this puddle anyway?" He stopped treading water and allowed himself to sink down. His head went right underwater and he swam back up spluttering.

"This isn't just a puddle..."

"Still attempting suicide?" A voice asked. Link looked up and saw Midna.

"Nice of you to abandon me!" He growled.

"Nice of you to go all suicidal on me!" Midna snapped. "I wasn't abandoning you, I was going to pick up all of the water in this puddle and drop it on the bridge. That might not have helped, but oh well!"

"Hmm. Not sure I believe you, but we'll let that slide for now. But Midna, this isn't just a puddle. It's too deep. It must be Lake Hylia." He swam to the edge and got out, shaking himself.

"Lake Hylia? But why is all the water gone?" Midna said. "We'll have to find the light spirit, he should know. I think it lives up there," she pointed at the cliff. "Only thing is, how do we get up there?" There was an ominous hiss behind them. Link turned round to come face to face with a vampire. He growled and leapt at the vampire, which dodged and ran off. Link howled and gave chase. Eventually, the vampire stopped and snatched up some grass. She blew into it, creating a loud whistle.

"Hey, isn't that what you do when you want a bird?" Midna asked. Her question was answered when a large winged shadow fell across them. Link looked up and his jaw dropped.

"Is it a bird...? Is it a plane...?"

"No you idiot! It's... it's a werewolf with wings!" The werewolf landed and roared. The vampire ran over to it and climbed on its back, and it took off, pulling out a bow and arrow. She fired at Link with flaming arrows.

"You've got to get her off the werewolf!" Midna shouted. Link aimed briefly and leapt at the werewolf, grabbing it by the neck and shaking it. The werewolf jerked in pain and threw the vampire off its back. Link released the werewolf and leapt at the vampire, biting it until it exploded in a mass of sparkles.

"Now for the werewolf..." Link muttered.

"No, wait!" Midna narrowed her eyes and floated up to eye level with the werewolf. "Oh! Wesley! I haven't seen you in years! How have you been?" The werewolf landed and transformed into a short, scruffy male.

"Midna! Good to see you! Sorry about all that just then, it's just you know..." Midna waved it away.

"Ohh that's fine. Link probably didn't mind too much anyway. Oh yes, that reminds me! Link, meet my friend, Wesley the Winged Werewolf! Wesley, this is Link."

"Your friend?" Link asked. He stared at Wesley. "And why do you have wings?"

"I dunno, they just grew. And yeah, me and Midna went to preschool together!"

"_Preschool?_" Link asked incredulously.

"Neeever mind that," Midna said hastily. "Wesley, could you help us out? We need to get up there." She pointed at the cliff.

"Of course! It's the least I could do to make up for attacking your pet like that!"

"PET?" Link yelled indignantly. "I am not..."

"Hey Midna, where'd you get a talking wolf anyway?" Wesley interrupted. "I might like one of them as a pet. I get lonely in my wolf form sometimes. Do they sell winged versions? Oh, that's right, sorry! I promised I'd take you up there! Well, hold on tight Link!" With that, he morphed into his wolf form and allowed Midna to sit on his back before grabbing Link by the tail and swooping off into the distance.


	8. The Giant Twilight Book of Death

"Put me down! Let gooooo!" Link screamed. His tail felt like it was slowly being torn off.

"What's that?" asked Wesley. "You don't want me to let go now, trust me!" Link looked down at the raging river below.

"But my taaaail!" He gasped in pain.

"Just deal with it Link," Midna said. "We have more important issues to deal with right now." As if to illustrate her point, a flaming arrow shot right past Link's left ear. He yelped.

"Why are they shooting at us? You're a werewolf Wesley, they shouldn't be shooting at someone on their own side!" Link screamed.

"I don't know. They've probably got nothing better to do." Wesley banked sideways to dodge another arrow, and there was an ominous cracking noise.

"What was that?" Midna asked.

"Ahhh! Watch out guys, I can't stop!" Wesley yelled. Link looked up to see a stone pillar toppling towards them.

"Oh shi-" Then it hit them, and Wesley dropped him into the river. Link whined as he was swept away by the current all the way back to the beginning.

"Let's try that again shall we?" Midna asked when they had all reached dry land.

"Let's not." Link said.

"OK then! Let's go!" Wesley scooped up Link again, by one of his legs this time. "Now your tail won't hurt anymore!"

"But... but..." Link protested.

"No buts! Let's go!" Midna said happily. Wesley swooped off.

"Ahhhhh..." Link stopped screaming as he realised that nobody was listening to him anyway. Wesley was too busy dodging arrows and Midna never listened anyway. Suddenly, there was another cracking noise and the same pillar that had fallen over before came toppling towards them once more.

"What? How is that possible?" yelled Link. "That pillar's already fallen over once!"

"I don't know!" Wesley yelled. This time he managed to dodge the pillar and keep a firm grasp on Link's leg. "Well, at least we got past it this time." Link shrugged.

"Well I've got nothing better to do so I'll just carry on screaming. AAAHHHHH..."

Eventually, they reached the top. Wesley hovered above a patch of grass and dropped Link, who landed on his nose in the dirt.

"UMPH!"

"Well, I hope that wasn't too bad for you!" Wesley said. "If you need me again, you can just blow some of that grass Midna. Or Link can try and howl the song it makes, whatever."

"Thanks Wesley! I'll see you around."

"Byeee!" Wesley flew off into the distance. Link lay on the floor, refusing to move.

"That was the most horrible experience I've ever had in my life..." he moaned.

"Well, tough. You're gonna have to do more of that later!" Midna said sadistically. Link groaned and lay on the floor. Midna smiled.

"Come on or I'll get Wesley to come back..." Link leapt to his feet and bounded off down the path. Midna grinned evilly and followed after him.

Link leapt up over the final boulder triumphantly.

"Finally! We've reached the land of the fish-faces!"

"Zoras" Midna corrected. "They don't like being called fish-face for some reason."

"I wonder why. Where are they all anyway?" Link tuned his wolf senses to see if he could find any. Still nothing. He shivered. "This is creepy. And it's kinda cold too."

"Waaait a second... is that water over there frozen?" Midna asked. Link walked over and trod gingerly on it.

"Yeah, frozen solid. Well I guess this is why there's no water in Lake Hylia. But why is it frozen?"

"No idea... but look under the ice!" Link looked down, and saw several ghostly blue wisps.

"No way..." He honed his wolf senses and looked again. There was a huge group of fish-faces frozen in position in the ice. "Oh my gosh... what happened?"

"Who knows..." Midna murmured.

"We should do something..." Link said, and thought for a moment.

"Any ideas?" asked Midna.

"I know! Let's drop something on them! It'll be so funny!" Link yelled. Midna giggled.

"Yeah! Let's go get a big rock from sunshine rainbow mountain! That'll be hilarious!" She laughed.

"It'll make a huge splash and... hahahaha!" Link laughed. Midna chuckled.

"They'll go everywhere!"

"Hahahaha!" Midna formed a portal in the sky.

"This is gonna be so funny!" Then the portal absorbed them both.

Link and Midna reformed next to a huge, burning hot rock on sunshine rainbow mountain.

"I think this one looks good, what do you think Link?" Link just giggled at the thought of dropping a rock into the fish-faces throne room.

"I'll take that as a yes" Midna said, and formed another portal which absorbed them and the rock. It reformed above the throne room, and the rock dropped down onto the ice. The ice cracked and melted, and shards of it flew everywhere along with all of the fish-faces. Link gasped with laughter and Midna was in hysterics. Link honed his wolf senses and ran over to one of the fish-face spirits.

"What... what happened?" It said. Link rolled over on his back, sobbing with uncontrollable laughter.

"We should... get going..." Midna giggled. "You can... probably just go jump off... that waterfall now that... the water's flowing again! Now... we can get to the spirit!" The pair looked at eachother and continued laughing.

"Best prank ever!" They began to walk off.

"Wait!" A voice said. Link froze.

"Crap. I thought they couldn't see us?" He turned around slowly, and then screamed.

"Argh! A ghost fish-face!"

"Hey! There's no need for that!" The ghost snapped. "We are not called fish-faces! We are called Zoras! Say it! Zora!"

"Zora..." Link whimpered. "Please don't kill me, ghost fish-fa... urm, I mean zora..."

"I'm not going to kill you. I just wanted to thank you for making the river flow normally, and ask a favour of you."

"A favour?"

"I was the Queen here, but I was executed by the vampires for some reason. It's not fair. Anyway, my son, prince Ralis, went down to castle town and never came back. Can you go check on him and tell him what happened? If you do, I'll give you the power to breathe underwater."

"That sounds like a good deal..." Link said. "I'll find your son, I promise."

"Good. You'd better, or I'll haunt you for the rest of your life." The ghost faded into nothingness, and Link gulped.

"Well, I guess I'd better go find her son after I've done this..."

Link finally reached the spirit.

"Alright, you don't need to bother to tell us what to do!" He said. "Just give me the weird thing and tell me where the books are, and I'll go get them for you." The weird thingy floated out and Midna grabbed it while Link looked at the map floating in the corner of his vision _**(A/N I wish I had a map floating in the corner of my vision like that! .) **_

"Right, let's go!" Link yelled.

Link stood by the side of the water and howled tunelessly. Midna floated next to him.

"What was that meant to be?"

"I'm calling Wesley. It would help if you could blow that grass for me." There was a beating of wings and Wesley landed next to them.

"Are you alright? I heard you howling and thought you might be hurt." He said anxiously. "It sounded like you were in pain." Midna smirked and Link silently counted to twenty, trying to calm down.

"No Wesley, we need your help again. Can you take me up there?" Link asked, pointing at a narrow ledge. "All of the twilight books are really high up and I'd have to work hard to get up there."

"Sorry, no can do."

"What? Why?"

"Because think of the satisfaction you'd get when you reach there all by yourself! Plus that would be cheating if I flew you up there."

"But it would be so much faster..."

"Oh well! Never mind, I can take you back up top if you want?"

"No it's ok..." But too late. Wesley grabbed Link by the muzzle and flapped his giant wings.

"Hold on tight!"

"MMMPH!" Link screamed.

A long time later, Link finally managed to reach the last book reached on his map.

"This would have taken five minutes if Wesley had helped!" He grumbled.

"Wesley _did _help. He flew you all the way up the river, remember?"

"So he flew me all that distance up the river but he couldn't be bothered to take me up here which would have taken 20 seconds?" Link growled. "Oh well, we're here now..." He tuned his wolf senses and spotted the book buried underground. "Get out here," he growled, digging until the book popped out of the hole. He leapt on it and tore it to shreds. It exploded into a tear of light, which Link collected in the weird thingy. He smiled and waited, but nothing happened.

"Midna, why am I not back at the spring in my human form?" He asked finally.

"Well obviously you haven't killed all of the books yet!" said Midna.

"But there's no more on my map..." Link looked at the map. A white dot suddenly appeared in the middle of Lake Hylia. At the same time, thunder clouds gathered over head and it began to rain.

"Whaaat? This book appeared on my map and now it's started raining and stuff?" Link said. "That's just plain weird."

"Maybe it's a very dangerous book," Midna joked. Link laughed.

"Well, I guess we'd best go get it then." He jumped off the ledge and began making his way back to Lake Hylia.

Link swam over to a piece of wood floating in the lake and climbed onto it, shaking himself dry.

"So then, where's this last book...?" The water in front of him fizzed and sparked.

"That must be it!" said Midna.

"No, it can't be... it's a bit big don't you think?" Link asked. He honed his wolf senses and staggered backwards at what he saw.

A huge, 6 foot tall fanged Twilight book with seven yellow eyes along the spine stared at him.

"What the heck?" Link yelped. The book roared and began to spark with electricity. "I thought a winged werewolf was ridiculous, but this...?"

"Never mind that, here it comes!" Midna yelled. The book swooped towards him, using its front and back covers as wings. It slammed into Link, jolting electricity through his body and knocking him off the piece of wood. He climbed back onto it and growled. The giant book hovered in front of him menacingly. Link leapt at it and grabbed onto it with his claws. He bit it hard, ripping off bits of the cover until it shook him off and he landed in the water again. The book began to chase after him, snapping open and shut and baring its fangs menacingly. Link swam desperately, but it wasn't quite fast enough. The book snapped shut on his tail, digging its teeth in and picked him up, flinging him onto a piece of wood. He growled angrily. The book swooped at him once more but he dodged and returned the attack, clinging onto the cover and tearing at it. The book made a strange screaming noise and dropped like a stone, landing open in the lake with all its pages sticking straight up in the air. Link leapt onto it and growled.

"Let's finish this." He leapt backwards and forwards, tearing every page clean out of the book. The book convulsed and exploded into a single drop of light. Link collected this in the weird thingy and was teleported back to the spring. He smiled as he returned to a human and the light spirit rose out of the spring.

"O hero chosen by the Gods... I really should show you a very long, boring and weird cutscene right now..."

"Oh, please don't!" Link said.

"Alright. I want a nap in a minute anyway. Instead, I'll just tell you what you need to do next. Anyway, the Zora temple has the next fused shadow in."

"Where's the Zora temple?" Link asked.

"It's at the bottom of the lake. But anyway, next, a warning. I have to tell you this. Basically, don't let the power of the Fused Shadows corrupt you. Anyway, I'm gonna be off now. See you later." The spirit disappeared.

"Right, I guess we need to go find that fish-face guy so I can breathe underwater," Link said. "Wasn't there some guy down by the lake who had a cannon to fire people out of? It looks fun, I might try that."

"Sure that's a good idea?" Midna asked.

"Yeahhh! It'll be fun. Plus there's something I really want to say while I'm flying off somewhere..."

"Hmm... OK then..."

Link climbed into the cannon cautiously. The guy in charge lit the fuse and stood back. The cannon swivelled and rotated, before blasting Link at top speed out of Lake Hylia. Link whooped with delight.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaain..." He screamed.

...

_Am I the only one that thinks "Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaain..." when Link's getting fired out of the cannon? If so, sorry. I had to put that in there. _


	9. Rosemary Cullen

_I can't think of a chapter name for this one. Anyone care to make a suggestion?_

* * *

"Right, I vote we go to castle town now!" Link proclaimed.

"Any particular reason?" Midna asked.

"Well when I was in wolf form I could smell Ilia's scent. And she was headed towards castle town."

"But how will that help us find the Zora kid?" Midna asked.

"It will all tie in somehow." Link said wisely. "It's how the storyline goes, I can feel it."

"Well... if you're sure..." Midna followed Link as he headed towards castle town.

"Ilia!" Link shouted happily and leapt over to Ilia, embracing her in a hug. Midna floated behind him awkwardly.

"Umm Link? I don't think she recognises you..."

"Who the heck are you? Get off!" Ilia said, pushing Link away from her.

"Uhh... what? Oh, um sorry... I thought you were someone else," Link said hastily, before running off into the corner. A lady who had been standing by the bar walked up to him.

"You know her?" She whispered to Link. Link nodded.

"Yeah, but she doesn't seem to recognise me for some reason..."

"She's lost her memory. She just turned up here with that fish-face boy, and no idea of who she was or where she came from."

"Wait! Fish-face boy?" Link said excitedly. "Where?" The lady indicated to a bed. Link ran over to it and looked at the zora lying in it.

"He looks ill..." he said.

"He _is_ ill. We brought the doctor in, but he didn't know what was wrong with him. We've got to get a doctor that's treated fish-faces before, but I have no idea where to find one."

"I know some guy who might be able to help," said Link. "He's treated Gorons before and probably fish-faces too. He lives all the way out in Kakario village though..."

"Well there's no time for you to go out and bring him back. This fish-face needs urgent help. We'll have to take him to this doctor."

"We can escort you!" Yelled a guard standing by the bar. The other guards raised their swords and whooped encouragingly.

"Good! That should solve the problem of all the monsters..."

"m-m-monsters?" The guards stuttered, and ran out of the bar.

"Bloody cowards," fumed the woman. "I knew they would do that!"

"Damn, what are we going to do now?" muttered Link to Midna. "That fish-face kid looks pretty much dead. If he dies the fish-face queen won't give me the power to breathe underwater, and then I can't get to the temple under the lake!"

"Idiot! Isn't it obvious what you've got to do?" Midna hissed. Link thought for a moment.

"Of course! Midna, you're a genius. I never would have thought to drain the lake if it wasn't for you..."

"No you moron! YOU escort them! Get your lazy butt on Epona and stop the monsters from eating them!"

"But I don't want to...!" Link protested. The lady turned to him.

"Oh! You have a sword! Will you protect us from the monsters? You can lead the way too!"

"But... but..." Link stammered. The woman slapped him on the back.

"Looks like we have a volunteer! Thanks for this!" She yelled happily. Link groaned.

Link spun Epona round and rode back to the carriage.

"There's a vampire on that bridge!" He hissed.

"So? Go kill it!" The lady hissed back. "We haven't got time to stand around waiting!"

"But I know her and she has a grudge against me!" Link said.

"Well now's your chance to get rid of that grudge!" The lady reached out and whacked Epona, causing her to rear up and gallop off towards the bridge.

"Nooooo!" Link yelled, but too late. Epona's hooves clattered onto the bridge and the vampire spun her werewolf round to face him.

"You!" She screamed, sparkling with fury. Link winced and averted his eyes.

"What should I do...?" He moaned. "She has sparkly shields this time..."

"Just make a grand battle speech!" Midna said. "Intimidate her!"

"Ok! Just one thing... what was her name again?" Link muttered.

"I don't know! You were the one who said you'd remember it because it was so ridiculous!" Midna yelled. Link shrugged and raised his voice.

"Prepare to die, Rosemary Cullen!" He yelled. Midna winced.

"Rosemary... oh god, she's gonna kill you for that!"

"IT'S RENESMEE!" The vampire screamed. "RENESMEE! I TOLD YOU TO REMEMBER THE NAME! RENESMEE FREAKING CULLEN!" She raised her arm and blasted sparkles at Link. He dodged, and they hit the entrance to the bridge behind him, causing a sparkly inferno to spring up. She shot sparkles behind her to block the other end of the bridge.

"Now you're trapped," Midna commented. "You should have at least made an effort to remember her name. She's furious now, look." Link did look, and saw her charging at top speed towards them on her werewolf.

"You said you couldn't remember!" Link cried, spurring Epona forwards.

"I wanted to test your intelligence!" Midna replied calmly, watching as the horse and werewolf drew ever closer to eachother. At the last second, Link pulled Epona to one side, using the same tactic as before. The werewolf attempted to smash Link with its paw, but missed and Link slashed at Renesmee. However, she raised her arm and his sword bounced off her sparkling shield. The werewolf bounded off to the other side of the bridge, and Link rode Epona to the end before spinning her round to face Renesmee once again. Renesmee bared her fangs and hissed. The werewolf charged. Link urged Epona on.

"Go, go go..." This time when they almost collided, Link pulled Epona to the other side of Renesmee than he had before. However, he was unpleasantly surprised when he saw that Renesmee had a shield on the other arm as well.

"Goddamn it you stupid vampire, that's cheating!" He yelled angrily. Renesmee smirked and jabbed her werewolf in the back. The wolf shot out a clawed hand and knocked Link off Epona. Link rolled over and tried to get up, but the werewolf reared up on its back legs and slammed its front paws into Link's stomach. Link gasped, winded, and the werewolf fastened its jaws around his waist, shaking him from side to side. He drew his sword and slashed at the werewolf, who released him with a swing of its head, sending him flying off the edge of the bridge.

He reappeared on Epona, flashing.

"How am I supposed to beat her?" He panted as the werewolf reached the other end of the bridge and spun around. "I can't hit her with those shields!"

"Why don't you try attacking her from the front then?" Midna asked.

"But I can't! That werewolf is much bigger than me!"

"I don't mean like that... try using something with a _little more range,"_ Midna hinted. Links eyes widened.

"Of course! Thanks Midna, that may be the first time you've said something helpful!" He cried.

"Hey!" Midna said, offended, but Link was already galloping off towards Renesmee.

"Eat this, vampire!" He yelled, and pulled out his bow and arrow. He fired an arrow straight at Renesmee, who could not risk letting go of the werewolf to block it. Instead, she tried steering the wolf out of the way, but the creature was too big and slow and the arrow hit her in the shoulder. She screamed and one of her shields vanished. Link rode past her on Epona, slashing at her exposed side. She screamed again, but lashed out, catching Link on his face. Link swung his sword once more, knocking the vampire off the bridge. She howled with fury.

"I will have my revenge! And you had better remember the name this time! Renesmee, not Rosemary!" The werewolf whimpered and ran off. Link smiled.

"Well, let's continue."

Finally, they arrived at Kakario village. They carried the fish-face into the doctor's house.

"Now, what can I do for you?" They showed him the fish-face boy.

"Oh! You morons, all he needs is to be put in some water!"

"But we tried that and it just seemed to make him sicker!" The lady protested.

"I bet you put him in salt water," fumed the doctor, filling up a large tank with water from the tap. The lady bit her lip.

"Maybe..."

"Morons. Get out of here. Honestly, you're so stupid! Everyone knows Zoras need fresh water!" Link exchanged glances with the lady and ran out of the room. Outside, he saw a pale glow.

"What...?" A ghost appeared.

"Oh! Queen Fish- urm, Zora!" The ghost beckoned him, and he followed.

"Here we are," Queen Fish-face said eventually. She pointed at a chest. "There. Use these to breathe underwater." Link opened the chest and pulled out a blue tunic.

"Wow, how does this work? I don't see how this can help me breathe underwater..."

"Oh, that's right! I forgot. I have to give you gills as well." The queen said.

"How are you going to do that?" Link asked. The queen yanked his sword out of his scabbard and slashed three lines in either side of his neck.

"Ow! Yowch! That was harsh!"

"Well you can breathe underwater now." Said the queen. Link dived into the pool. He emerged spluttering.

"It doesn't work! What are you playing at?" He said angrily.

"Hmmm..." the zora queen said thoughtfully. "I must have forgotten something... oh yes!" She dived behind a stone and picked up an oxygen tank. "There you go. I totally forgot about that, my bad."

"You mean you just sliced my neck open for nothing?" Link said angrily. The zora queen glared at him.

"No," she hissed angrily. "It was required. Also you must wear that tunic whenever you want to breathe underwater."

"But how will it make a difference at all?" The queen pushed her face up close to his.

"If you try to go underwater with the oxygen tank without wearing the tunic, you will die!" she hissed. Link blanched.

"Ok, ok. Thanks for the tunic and the tank..."

"And?"

"And the gills too!" he added hastily. The queen faded into nothingness, smiling evilly.

"Pshhh, old bag. What does she think will happen if I don't wear the tunic?" Link sneered. He strapped the oxygen tank to his back and dived into the water, still wearing his green tunic.

"Not the best idea," Midna commented. "You're just tempting fate..." Sure enough, a couple of seconds later there was a scream and Link leapt out of the water flashing. Midna looked and saw a massive shark snapping its jaws at Links legs.

"I told you..."

"Mehh, coincidence." Link waited until the shark was gone and jumped in again. Midna watched a school of piranhas form and snap at Link. He leapt out of the water gasping.

"Ok! Ok! I'll wear the tunic!"

"Come on. Quit messing around, let's get to Lake Hylia." Midna said, smirking.


	10. The Giant Underwater Playground

_Sorry this chapter took so long coming up. It's just I don't really like the water temple so it took me a while to complete it. All the rooms look the same and it's big and confusing and I get lost D:_

_..._

Link pulled on the blue tunic and the oxygen tank and leapt into Lake Hylia.

"ARGH! It's bloody freezing!" He yelped, splashing frantically.

"Well what did you expect? It's a lake." Midna said.

"This thing doesn't even work as a wetsuit or anything," Link complained, picking at the blue tunic. "You'd think it would at least keep me warm or something."

"I wouldn't complain about it if I were you," Midna advised. "You're in the water, after all. That ghost zora queen might send another water creature after you."

"I bet that was just coincidence," Link muttered. "There just happened to be a shark and piranhas in that pool."

"So why are you wearing the blue tunic then?"

"I'm... being polite."

"Mmm, sure. Well go on then, go find that temple..." Link dived underwater and began swimming. And swimming. And swimming. _This is so slow, _he thought. _I'd be faster just putting on the heavy boots and sinking to the bottom and walking. _He equipped the heavy boots and immediately began sinking further and further until eventually he hit the bottom. He unequipped the boots, and swam up to what looked like a hole in the rocks. _That must be the entrance! _He thought, and swam into it. Only to find his path blocked by a large boulder. _Damn! _He yelled in his head. _How do I get past that? _

Someone tapped Link on the shoulder and he turned around. It was the postman, dressed in full diving gear. He handed Link a letter sealed in a transparent waterproof bag and swam off. Link squinted at the letter, trying to read it in the half-darkness.

_New product at Barne's bombs! _

_Do you urgently need to get somewhere underwater but there are giant rocks in the way? Well no problem! Come to Barne's bombs and buy some all-new water bombs to blow them up!_

Midna appeared next to Link.

"Well, looks like you're going to have to go alllll the way back to the bomb shop!" she giggled. _How come Midna gets to talk underwater? _Link thought crossly. _And now I've got to go all the way back... _

"Here are your water bombs! Any questions?" Barnes asked happily.

"Well yes actually," Link said. "Why can't you send your letters BEFORE I go and find a massive boulder that needs blowing up?" Barnes held his hands up.

"Hey, don't blame me, blame the postman."

"Hmph," Link muttered and stormed out of the shop. Midna floated behind him.

"Back to Lake Hylia!" She cried.

Link once again pulled on his blue tunic and heavy boots and prepared to step into Lake Hylia.

"Say, Link?" asked Midna.

"Yeah, what this time?" Link asked.

"You always carry those heavy boots with you, don't you?" she asked.

"Of course I do. I never know when I'm going to need them!"

"So how come they only make you sink when you're wearing them? And where do you store them?" Link was speechless.

"Well... I don't really know! You're right, I should sink when I'm carrying them even if I'm not wearing them!"

"Well you must know where you put stuff when you're not using it?" Midna prompted.

"Uhhh..." Link scratched his head. "I guess it just goes in my pockets... I never really think about it much..."

"You don't HAVE any pockets!" Midna said. Link looked down at his tunic.

"What the hell? You're right, where does it go?"

"If you don't know, I don't suppose anyone does," said Midna. "Let's just stop worrying about it and get going."

"Yeah. Before my brain explodes." Link jumped into Lake Hylia once again.

Link emerged spluttering into the lakebed temple.

"Nice swim?" Midna enquired.

"I'm all wet," Link said mournfully.

"Clever child. You've just been fully immersed in water for the past however long."

"Shut up." Link opened the door and walked into the next room. There were several fragile-looking stalactites _**(A/N I think stalactites are the ones that hang from the ceiling... correct me if I'm wrong) **_hanging from the ceiling. Midna floated to one.

"You should knock this down or it might fall on your head."

"What? It's not gonna fall down, look at it!"

"Well knock it down anyway. I want to see you attach a bomb to an arrow and shoot it!"

"Only because you think something will go wrong and I'll blow myself up."

"Yeah!" Midna said happily. "And also because those ledges are too high for you to climb up without something to stand on, and those stalactites are strategically placed so you can stand on them if you knock them down." Link glared and pulled out his bow, arrows and bombs. He attached a bomb to an arrow and aimed it carefully at a stalactite.

"You might not want to aim that for too long, or it'll explode," Midna commented.

"What?" Link said. Then it did explode.

"Damn you Midna! I swear you timed that on purpose!" Link yelled.

"Yes, I did. So?" Link got to his feet and fired arrows with bombs on quickly towards the stalactites, knocking them all down. He climbed up and reached the door, going through to the next room.

"Heh, look at that!" Link said some time later, pointing. Midna looked.

"That looks like some sort of slide!"

"I'm gonna go climb up it!"

"You big kid." Midna watched as Link walked up the giant spiral.

"It's not very slippery. And it's really long!" Finally, he reached the top.

"Oh look! A handle!" He leapt off the platform and grabbed hold of the handle, pulling it down with him. A gate opened and water began flowing down the spiral slide. Link was swept off his feet and slid down the slope.

"WOAHHH!" He slipped off the end into a now full pool of water. "That was awesome! A water slide! I'm gonna do that again!" He climbed back onto the slide but instantly slipped back down. "Damn, can't get back up."

"Never mind that, look! There is a kind of channel in the floor, and the water is flowing through it!" Midna said.

"Oh yeah! Let's see where it goes!"

Link followed the channel back.

"Oh! These platforms are spinning now! It's like a merry-go-round! This place isn't a temple, it's a playground!"

"A playground where you could potentially die. I don't think it would pass any health and safety inspections."

"Oh well, it's only a couple of monsters." Link leapt from the ledge onto a platform and stood there while it rotated around the room. He leapt off, grabbing onto another ledge and climbing onto it. He walked through the door into the next room.

Link swam along the passage until he reached a wall. He swam up, breathing deeply as he broke the surface.

"Urgh, that was a long passage. And what was with those damn electric jellyfish?"

"I thought it was funny when you got zapped," Midna giggled.

"You would," Link grumbled, and climbed out into the room. Instantly, two flaps shot over the pool he had been in, sealing it shut.

"Damn, I'm trapped!" Link looked around. There was a door in the corner, which he walked over to. However, when he got close it was clear that he wasn't going to be getting out of there. The stairs leading up to the door were totally smashed and unusable, and it was too high for him to climb.

"How am I supposed to get out of here?"

"You're not," cackled Midna. "You're stuck here forever, ha ha!"

"Very mature. But seriously, how do I get out?" Link was beginning to panic.

"Well what do you normally do in this situation?"

"Beat a boss monster. But there is no boss monster!" Something splashed in the water in front of him. Link backed off.

"It's like a giant tadpole..." The giant tadpole growled and bared its toothless gums. Link snorted.

"What does it think it's gonna do?" The tadpole made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a howl. Fangs sprouted from its mouth and it grew a thin coat of fur.

"What the heck?"

"It's obviously been bitten by a werewolf!" Midna giggled. Link sighed.

"Still not much of a threat. THAT'S the boss?" He stepped forwards and sliced at it with his sword. The tadpole curled up and exploded.

"Well that was easy." There was another splash behind him. Link turned around. "More of them?" He slashed at the were-poles with his sword until there were none left. There was another splash.

"How many of these are there? And where are they coming from?" He looked up. A giant frog looked down at him.

"Oh, shi-" The frog leapt down and smashed heavily into the floor. It looked at Link. Link looked back.

"Maybe the frog hasn't been bitten?" Link said hopefully. The frog opened its mouth and its huge tongue lolled out. "See? It doesn't have teeth..."

"Not yet it doesn't!" Said Midna. Sure enough, the frog howled eerily.

"It sounds like a werewolf..." Link shivered. Fangs sprouted from the frogs mouth and fur began growing from its body. Link backed off as claws sprouted from its webbed feet.

"OK, this is getting weirder and weirder!" To complete the metamorphosis, a furry tail flopped down from the frogs rear end. "What the heck?" said Link.

"Never mind that, it's coming for you!" Midna shouted.

"No it's not, it's just sitting there..." The were-frog shook itself and loads of giant were-poles flew off its back. They hissed and transformed before wriggling towards Link at a frightening speed.

"Argh! Get away!" He slashed at them, killing several. One sneaked behind him and leapt at him, snapping its teeth into his shoulder. Link shook it off and hit it with his sword. He spun around, slicing the remaining were-poles. They curled up and burst. The frog bellowed with fury and leapt straight into the air.

"AHHHHH!" Link ran around in circles, trying to avoid being squashed by the frog as it came back down. It landed heavily next to him and its tongue lolled out in shock from the impact. Link took his chance and slashed at it. The were-frog bellowed, its mouth gaping wide open.

"Hungry?" Asked Link, and threw a bomb in its mouth. The bomb exploded and the were-frog flopped back down. Link continued his attack on its tongue. Eventually, the were-frog began to shake, and vomited up a large object.

"Ew." Said Midna. The were-frog flipped over on its back and writhed around before bursting into nothingness. Link ran over to the object the frog had vomited up. It was a large chest.

"You're not going to open that are you? Ewwww!" Midna said as Link opened the chest and pulled out something out.

"Da da da daaaaaa! I got the clawshot!"

"What does that do?" In answer to her question, Link pressed a lever on the clawshot and the claws shot out, gripping onto a hook on the wall just above the door.

"Well that's boring," Midna commented. Then the clawshot contracted, yanking Link up with it until he was dangling above the door.

"No it's not! It's awesome!" Link then spent several minutes using the chain to go up and down, up and down, up and down...

"For god's sake! Just go through that door!" Midna snapped. "You'll have plenty of opportunities to do that later!" Link scowled.

"Fine." He released the clawshot and fell to the ground in front of the door. "Let's go."

"OMG A CLIMBING WALL!" Link screamed. Midna sighed.

"THIS IS NOT A PLAYGROUND." Link ignored her and fired his clawshot at the thick ivy covering the wall, grabbing onto it when the clawshot pulled him up to it. He climbed along the wall up to a platform, and walked through the door.

"Ooh, another water slide!" He said excitedly.

"You can't get in there, there's no door!" said Midna. Link looked up.

"Yes I can! Monkey bars! This is an awesome playground!" Midna followed his gaze.

"Those aren't monkey bars! It's just a load of manky old ivy!"

"It's monkey bars if I say it is!" Link clawshotted up to the ivy and monkeybarred through a gap in the wall before dropping down on the other side. "See?" Midna face-palmed.

"But this slide is all broken. And there are piranhas in that water down there..." she commented.

"You're lying." Link continued up the slide. "There are no piranhas. They would never allow that in a playground."

"This isn't a playground!" Midna yelled. "They wouldn't allow giant were-frogs in playgrounds either!" Link ignored her.

"OW! YOWCH! ARGH! WHY ARE THERE PIRANHAS IN THE POOL?" Link shrieked five minutes later as he was bitten several times. Midna smirked.  
"I told you so..."

Link finally opened the boss door. Gathering up his courage, he entered the room. It was tiny.

"Where's the boss?" He asked. "The door hasn't even shut!"

"Well I'm no genius, but down there looks a good bet," Midna said, pointing at a large hole which took up the majority of the room.

"You don't seriously expect me to jump down there? I won't be able to get out again. I can't even see how deep it is. It might be a bottomless pit for all you know."

"Well," smirked Midna. "They would never allow bottomless pits in a playground. Pretend it's a fireman's pole or something."

"But there's no pole!"

"Use your imagination, you wimp." Link walked to the edge of the hole and peered down it. Nothing but blackness. He turned to Midna.

"If I die, this is your fault." Then he leapt down the hole. He fell for a couple of feet before splashing into water. He pulled on his oxygen tank and heavy boots, and began to sink further and further into the water. After what felt like hours of sinking, his feet collided with the bottom. He looked around. There was a weird tentacley thing sprouting out of the floor.

_What's that? _He wondered. All of a sudden, his question was answered as the head of a large eel-like creature erupted from the ground in front of him. He stumbled backwards silently. The eel stared at him but did not attack. _I thought I was going to be fighting a vampire or a werewolf! _Link thought, confused. Then he saw it. The vampire, also wearing an oxygen tank, dismounted from the eel's back and swam down to Link.

"Hello there," he hissed. "My name is Emmet Cullen."

"How are you talking underwater?" Link asked. "Oh wait! I can talk underwater too!"

"Well done genius. Now prepare to die!" Emmet snarled. He swam back up to the giant eel and sat on the back of its head, holding onto two of the tentacles sprouting from it.

The eel buried its massive body into the ground, with only the head, the tentacles and Emmet above the ground. A tentacle shot towards Link and wrapped around his waist before he had a chance to react. He struggled, but the tentacle pinned his arms to his side, lifting him up easily and dragging him towards the eel and Emmet. Emmet slashed at Link when he got close enough, and the eel opened its mouth. Emmet smiled.

"In you go." Then the tentacle shoved Link into the eel's mouth. The sharp teeth bit him over and over again, until the eel got bored and spat him out. He landed on the ground, minus one heart.

"Damn," he gasped. "I can't get close or I'll be grabbed by the tentacles!" He tried swimming quickly towards the eel, slashing at the tentacles when they got too close, but whilst he was fending off one another one sneaked around his back and wrapped once more around him. Link wriggled as hard as he could, but the tentacle was too strong and pulled him once again towards Emmet. Emmet smiled and pummelled Link with his fists. Link doubled up, and the tentacle released him, flinging him against the wall. He swam what he thought was a safe distance away from the eel, and equipped his heavy boots, sinking to the bottom.

"What can I do?" He gasped. "I can't get close to attack or I'll be grabbed!"

"Try bringing Emmet to you then!" Midna said. "That eel's buried itself so it won't be getting out fast enough to attack you if you keep a safe distance."

"Of course! Thanks Midna!" Link swam cautiously towards the eel and pulled out his clawshot. He aimed it at the vampire, and shot it. The claws on the end shot out and fixed around the vampire's arm. Emmet looked at his arm in surprise.

"What?" Then he was yanked off the eel's back and landed at Links feet. Link slashed at the vampire with his sword until he hissed and knocked Link off his feet. He swam back to the eel at top speed, climbing onto its giant head once again.

"Try and hit me now!" He hissed angrily, poking the back of the eel's head. The eel opened its mouth and several round fish swam out. Link squinted.

"They look like my water bombs!" One of the fish swam towards him, teeth bared and he slashed it with his sword. The fish immediately began fizzing and sparking.

"Link! Put it down!" Midna yelled, but too late. The fish exploded, causing Link to lose yet another heart. He swore several times before getting back on his feet and aiming his clawshot at Emmet once again.

"These damn fish keep getting in the way!" He yelled, frustrated as he fired the clawshot and it returned with another bomb fish. He threw this one away quickly before it exploded and aimed again. This time, he was more lucky and Emmet Cullen was once again pulled towards him.

"Got you!" Link snarled and hit the vampire with his sword again and again. Eventually Emmet dodged a hit, and swam back to his eel. He grabbed the tentacles, and shook them. The eel erupted from the ground and swam over Link's head.

"After him!" Midna yelled. Link chased the eel, but he was much too slow and the eel kept getting away. However, he noticed what a rough back the eel had. He waited until the eel was close to him again before shooting his clawshot at the eel. It grasped onto the creature's leathery back and pulled Link towards it. He landed on the eel's back and pulled out his sword.

"You're nowhere near Emmet!" Midna yelled.

"Well I've got to take care of the eel as well!" Link yelled, and slashed at the eel. The eel jerked, and Link equipped his heavy boots and held on, continuing to slash the eel. Eventually, the eel's wild bucking threw him off. He landed at the bottom and watched as the eel thrashed wildly, eventually crashing into the wall head-first. Emmet Cullen was thrown off the eel and slammed into the wall. Link swam up to him, meaning to finish him off but the vampire grabbed his arm.

"You're coming down with me!" He hissed and began to sparkle. Link tried to get free but Emmet's grip was too tight.

"NOO!" Link screamed. Then the eel thrashed one last time, knocking the two of them apart. Emmet exploded into sparkles, along with his giant eel. The water in the chamber mysteriously drained away to a puddle, and a heart container and fused shadow appeared. Midna smiled.

"Well, congratulations!" She floated over to the fused shadow and picked it up. "That's the last of them. Now we can get to the Twilight realm and deal with that faker, Bella Cullen! Good work. Leave whenever you're ready!" She formed a portal and waited. Link gathered up the heart container and stepped into the portal. Instantly, he reformed outside at Lake Hylia.

"Finally... now I can take this stupid tunic off!"


	11. The Mandatory Serious Chapter

_As the title suggests, this chapter is SERIOUS. Not funny, serious. Sorry about that. The next one should be back to normal :D_

_..._

Someone laughed sadistically behind Link. Link stood stone still.

"There's a vampire behind me, isn't there?" Midna floated out of Link's shadow and her tiny hands formed fists.

"Bella!" She growled.

"Bella? You mean... Bella Cullen?" Link stammered, turning around slowly. A female vampire was standing behind him, wrapped in a long black cloak. She smiled evilly, revealing a pair of long, sharp fangs.

"That's me." As if reacting to the sound of the vampire's voice, the light spirit erupted from the lake. Bella looked at it and smiled. She stretched out a hand, which began to sparkle. Link and Midna looked away, unable to keep watching the sparkles. The light spirit vanished and sank back into the lake, which was then covered in Twilight. Bella dropped her hand. Link growled as his body morphed into a wolf and leapt at Bella. Bella turned to him in an instant, creating a ball of sparkly energy and ramming it into Link's forehead. Link was thrown backwards and landed on the floor, unconscious. Midna watched in horror as a sparkly shard of energy sunk into Link's head.

Bella turned to her, still smirking.

"So what's this we have here?" The fused shadows Midna had been keeping floated away from her grasp. She gasped and tried to grab them back, but sparkles shot out from Bella's arm and tied her arms to her side before pulling her out and holding her suspended over the lake, well out of reach. Midna struggled and swore at Bella, who just laughed.

"You really think you could beat me with _these?"_ She asked disdainfully, looking at the fused shadows. "Really Midna, I don't know why you bother. Why are you trying to help these light-dwellers anyway?"

"I'd rather help them than you!" Midna growled, still trying to escape her sparkly bonds. Bella shrugged.

"If you're sure. I'll return the light here then." The Twilight faded, and Midna looked around in astonishment.

"And then," Bella hissed. "Maybe I'll add a little light of my own." Her whole body began to glitter. Midna squirmed.

"No!" She moaned. Bella smiled.

"Yes!" The sparkles grew brighter and brighter. She stretched out her arm towards Midna, blasting her with sparkle power. Midna screamed in agony. A split second later, the light spirit rose from the lake once again. It created a ball of light around Link and Midna, which remained for a second before vanishing along with the pair.

Link opened his eyes. He was in Hyrule field, not too far from castle town. Then he noticed something else. Despite the fact there was no Twilight to be seen anywhere, he was still a wolf.

"Midna? What happened back there? Why am I still a wolf?" He asked. No reply. "Midna?" He looked around. "Midna!" Midna was lying on his back, unconscious. She looked strange and pale. "Midna! What's wrong?" Once again, no reply, although he had not been expecting one. Then Link heard the voice of the light spirit in his head. _Go to Hyrule Castle and rescue Zelda. Zelda has the key. _The voice faded.

"I need to get to Hyrule castle!" Link said. "Either that or... I'm going mad. Either way, I should get there now." He paused for a moment to get his bearings, then ran.

People screamed as Link ran past them.

"A wolf!"

"Kill it!"

"Shut up!" Link roared at them, flying past. He ran up to the castle gates. The guards gasped and pointed their spears at him.

"No, let me past, you don't understand!" Link groaned.

"Get away, beast!" One of the soldiers said. Link continued trying to get round them until he realised it was impossible. He slunk away, temporarily defeated.

Link ran gasping into the pub in castle town where he had found Ilia earlier.

"Guys, guys, I need your help here..."

"Argh! A monster!" Someone screamed.

"It talks!"

"Get it out!" A large goron walked up to Link, and before he could do anything, it slung him over its shoulder and threw him out of the door, slamming it shut in his face. Link sank to the ground.

"What'll I do...?" He moaned. There was a meow and a large white cat jumped down in front of him.

"You're Link, aren't you?" It asked. Link stared.

"A talking cat. Now I know I MUST be going mad."

"Hey! You're a talking wolf! How did you get to be a wolf anyway? Last time you came here you were human. But anyway, that doesn't matter. You look like you're in a spot of bother?"

"I need to get to the castle... but nobody wants to let me in anywhere."

"I'm not surprised, with you looking like that!" The cat snorted. "But I can help. Get into the pub through the window up there, and go through the other window and you'll find a waterway to the castle. It'll be a bit of a bumpy ride, but hey."

"Thank you so much!" Link leapt up through the window and entered the pub.

Link raced up the spiral stairs and ran into the room at the end.

"Zelda? Zelda!" He yelled. Midna groaned and fell off his back. Zelda came running.

"Midna? Link?" Midna stirred.

"Zelda... how do we undo... what happened to Link?" she asked groggily. Zelda pulled out a strange bleeping instrument and ran it over Link's body. The bleeps increased in frequency as they approached his forehead. Link read the label on the device. _SparkleDetector 2000. _

"This is different to the Twilight," Zelda said. "This is a curse, and there's only one thing that can get rid of it. You need to find an object so traditional to the world of Legend of Zelda that nothing from the Twilight can touch it. You need to find..."

"Never mind that, what's happened to Midna? She's dying..." Link said.

"... the master sword!" Zelda finished. "And as for Midna..."

"Zelda..." Midna murmured. "Just tell him... where to find the Twilight mirror..." Zelda smiled and grasped Midna's hands. The pair of them began to glow. The colour returned to Midna, and she gasped.

"No! Zelda!" Zelda faded away into nothingness and Link looked around, shocked.

"Where did she go?" Midna landed next to him, completely healed.

"I don't know. But we'll find her, we've got to. Come on, we need to go find the master sword and defeat Bella. Only once we've done that we'll be able to find Zelda. Link, we can't fail. We've got to get Zelda back." Link nodded.

"I know." He got to his feet and raced out of the castle.

As soon as Link exited castle town, there was an ominous humming noise. Link turned round and watched as a diamond-shaped barrier formed around the castle. Midna watched in silence.

"We should go," Link said eventually. Midna continued to say nothing as Link began the walk to find the master sword.


	12. The Master Sword

Link crept cautiously through the forest.

"Why are you going so slowly?" Midna moaned.

"I don't know... I just get the feeling something's going to happen. Like I'm gonna get jumped or something." Something rustled up ahead of them and Link stopped, standing motionless and silent. Then he heard it. A sound he had hoped he would never have to hear again in his whole entire life. It made his fur stick up on end just hearing it. He growled and raced forwards. There were four small werewolves gathered around another, smaller creature. They howled as they saw Link, and raced forwards to attack him. Link lunged at one of them, grabbing it by the throat in his jaws and throwing it aside. One of the others leapt at him, but he slashed at it with one of his paws and it slammed heavily into the ground, whimpering. All this time the noise continued. Link's growls grew louder and he lunged at one of the remaining wolves, which dodged out of the way. The other werewolf dashed forwards and bit Link's back leg. Link growled, spinning around and catching the werewolf a heavy blow to the head. The creature fell back, stunned and Link leapt at it. It collapsed to the ground. There was just one werewolf left now, which Link easily took care of. And still the noise continued. Link spun around, growling louder than ever.

"I swear to god if you don't shut up, you're next." He snapped.

_Squeak!_ Said the monkey, quivering. Link advanced, drool dripping from his mouth.

"I mean, sorry! Sorry!" The monkey gasped. "It's a habit, I can't help it!"

"Well you'd better LEARN to help it," Link snarled. "Or I'll tear you to pieces, I swear. I've had enough of you damn monkeys. Do you know what I've been through in that forest temple of yours? Squeak squeak squeak, nothing else! Drives me MAAAAAD!" Link howled and ripped a nearby bush to shreds. The monkey quivered, not sure whether to run or stay still. Midna floated up to it.

"I suggest that if you know anything that might be vaguely useful to him," she whispered, "now would be a good time to mention it." Link turned from the bush, a rabid gleam in his eyes. Saliva dripped from his mouth as he advanced towards the monkey.

"So," he hissed. "Any reason I shouldn't rip you to bits?" The monkey let out a tiny, terrified squeak. Midna winced. Link growled and raised his paw.

"No, wait! There's a place back there! I went there and all these werewolves started chasing me! I think they must be guarding something..." Link paused, one paw still raised threateningly. The monkey cowered away.

"Please don't kill me!" It whimpered. Link sighed and smacked the monkey off the cliff. It let out one last, loud _SQUEAKKKK!_ on the way down. Midna watched, shocked.

"I hate monkeys," Link explained.

Link ran along the rope, trying not to be hit by the swinging log.

"What idiot put those logs there and left them to swing anyway?" He complained. "What is the point?"

"To knock wolves off," Midna said. A log narrowly missed Link's head and he jumped back.

"Well they're almost doing a very good job of it!" Eventually, he reached the other side of the rope and ran into a shaded area. His ears pricked up.

"What's that noise?" He ran over to a large stone, which seemed to be making the noise. He listened to it for a minute, then began to howl. Midna grabbed his mouth and clamped his jaws together.

"What on earth are you doing? That sounds terrible!" Link shook himself free.

"I don't know! I think if I howl the same tune this stone is playing then something will happen!" Midna gave him a strange look.

"Alright... I guess if you really want to..." Link continued howling. Midna covered her ears. Finally, Link finished the tune. Midna snorted.

"That was terrible. It sounded nothing like what the stone was playing. I bet nothing is going to..." Something giggled. Link turned round to see a woman standing behind him.

"See! I told you something would happen!" Link said. Then the woman morphed into a small werewolf and howled.

Five small werewolves dropped from the trees and all went for Link at once. The werewolf lady morphed back into a person and ran off into one of the many exits from the grove. Link fought off the werewolves, but by the time he had defeated the last one the lady had vanished. He looked, confused at all the exits.

"Where did she go?"

"Check your map," Midna advised. "Maybe that'll help." Link looked in the corner of his vision.

"Noo! My map has vanished!"

"Looks like you're just gonna have to pick an exit then!" Link chose one at random and ran through it. As he walked through it, he noticed the background music changed slightly. He could now hear a faint tune on a flute.

"This must mean I'm going the right way! She didn't have a flute, but oh well!" He continued running, following the sound of the flute. On the way he was attacked by several more small werewolves, which he defeated with ease. Midna floated along beside him.

"Link... you do know what these woods are called?"  
"No, what?" Link yelped as he saw the werewolf lady. "There she is!" He fought off the werewolves she summoned before leaping at the leader, catching her a heavy blow on the side. She staggered, and then ran. Link followed after her.

"The lost woods," said Midna. "As in, woods that you get lost in rather than woods that are lost. So I think you're gonna be here for a while." Link groaned and continued to pursue the werewolf lady.

Hours later, the werewolf came to a standstill. She howled and summoned more of her werewolves. They surrounded Link, who dispatched one of them easily. However, another one of them sneaked behind him and bit into his tail. Link howled and slashed it off, knocking away the other two. He seized his chance and leapt at the werewolf lady, knocking her off the stump. She ran over to another stump and howled, summoning more wolves.

"Let's finish this," Link growled. He leapt at the wolves, knocking two of them away and raced through the gap he had created. He pounced on the werewolf lady and bit her hard. She squeaked with pain and morphed into her human form.  
"Well... I'm done here!" She said. "See you!" Then, before Link could react she leapt up and raced off. The surviving werewolves followed her and a door ground open. Link walked through it cautiously and immediately noticed a flat stone in the ground with the triforce on it. Instantly he ran up to it and howled the song from earlier.

"And what do you expect that to do?" Asked Midna. Then, everything went black and the triforce began to glow, as well as the two statues.

Link blinked, and when he opened his eyes the ground was now made up of several platforms and one statue was in front of him and the other behind. Then they spoke.

"Guide us to our original positions..."

"Couldn't you do that yourselves?" Link asked.

"Don't be flippant!" Midna hissed. "They're the key to getting the master sword!"

"Alright, alright!" Link said, and jumped to another platform. One statue jumped the same way as him and the other jumped in the opposite direction.

"OK, I think I get this..." He leapt around the platforms, attempting to guide the statues back to where they had been before.

Link smiled.

"Heh, I wonder what will happen when I do this?" Both statues were facing one another, with a single platform inbetween them. He jumped. The statues mimicked his action and collided in midair. They bounced off eachother and landed back on their original platforms. Link giggled.

"That was funny!" He turned round, the statues following his movements.

"Link, no! Don't jump there!" Midna cried but too late. Link jumped and the statues mimicked him. He had just enough time to realise his mistake as one of the statues leapt onto the same platform he was occupying.

"Oh, crap..." Then the statue landed and there was a loud squelch.

Finally, Link jumped onto a platform and the statues both landed in their original positions. The statues glowed and became immobile once again, and a door slid open. Link ran through it to see a sword stuck in a platform. He approached it cautiously.

"This is it?" He asked.

"Looks like it," said Midna. "Go and get it." Link placed a paw delicately on the sword. There was a glow, and Link cried out as he morphed back into a human. The sparkly shard flew out of his head and Midna caught it. Link grasped the sword and pulled it out of the stone, swishing it around his head. Midna ducked.

"Hey! You'll take someone's head off with that!" Link stopped. Midna showed him the sparkly shard.

"This is what Bella used. And you know what? I think it's gonna be useful for us. Because if we keep this, we can turn you into a wolf any time we want, and back again with the master sword."

"Sounds good!" Link said. "So now what?"

"Now, could you pleaseee come with me to find the Twilight mirror?" Midna asked. "It's the only way we can get to the Twilight realm. And we need to do that to kill Bella."

"Yeah, sure! So where is the Twilight mirror?"

"I... don't know."

"You don't know. So how are we meant to find it then? You don't have any idea at all?"

"Nope."

"Well that's not much help!" Link sighed. He walked out of the grove and back to the clearing where he had fought the werewolf lady. "How am I meant to get out of here anyway?"

"Well it IS called the lost woods..."

"Screw this. I can turn into a wolf whenever I want now, that means I can also warp." Link said. "Warp me to castle town please!"

"Alright then," Midna said and touched Link with the shard. He transformed instantly into a wolf, and Midna opened up a portal which sucked the two of them up and away.

Link reformed outside castle town. He ran towards it, when...

"HEYYYYY!" The postman came running towards him. Before he could react, Midna shoved the master sword into his hand and he transformed back into a human. The postman, seemingly unconcerned by the fact that his customer had just morphed from a wolf to a human, handed Link the letter and ran off. Link opened the letter.

"Huh, it's that lady that owns that pub. She wants me to come meet some people."

"Well why don't you go? It's just down the road!"

"They all chucked me out when I was a wolf!"

"Don't be so childish. You might find out something useful!"

"Yes, but..." Link sighed and then stiffened. A smile spread across his face. "Actually, on second thoughts I think I _will _go."

"What are you planning?" Asked Midna suspiciously.

"Noooothing." Midna could tell he was lying.

Link entered the bar full of bravado.

"Hi, people!" He said. Everyone turned to look at him.

"Link! Good to see you! Let me introduce you to these people!" The bar owner said. Link grinned.

"In a second. Just let me show you something first."

"Ooh, alright then..."

"Midna," Link muttered. "Turn me into a wolf!"

"What? I can't do that! There are people here!"

"So? I want to scare them!"

"No! You can't let anyone know!"

"Why not?"

"Because... I don't know. But the answer's no." Link stood there, frozen for a second. The bar owner was watching him expectantly.

"Well?"

"I... uhhh... I guess I lost it!"

"Oh well, never mind! I would introduce you to these guys but I can't be bothered. The person I advise you to meet isn't actually here, he's at Lake Hylia."

"Why would you advise I meet him?"

"I don't know, just go meet him! Go! Now! Get out!"

"Alright, alright!" Link yelped, and ran from the bar. When he was outside, he turned to Midna.

"Thanks a lot back there."

"What? You can't transform in front of people!"

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I said so!"

"You transformed me in front of the postman!"

"Oh well."

"You... rrgh!"


	13. Rihanna Cullen

Link walked up to the man.

"Um... excuse me? Are you the person they told me to go see?"

"You're Link? Yep, my friends said you'd be coming here. Anyway, to business. I want you to go to the desert for me and..."

"Woah, what? I don't even know you and why do I need to go to the desert? How do I get there anyway?" Link burst out.

"Let me finish! There's weird things going on at that desert, and I can't be bothered to go check it out myself. Anyway, go show this ticket to the guy with the cannon and he'll get you there." The man handed Link a ticket.

"But why should I go there just because you say so?" Link asked. The man gripped him by the collar threateningly.

"You mean that isn't a good enough reason for you?" He hissed.

"Uhh... ok, I'll go!" Link mumbled. The man released him.

"Well? What are you waiting for then?" Link backed off, then ran and dived off the cliff. He landed in lake Hylia and surfaced spluttering.

"I've never understood," Midna said, "Why you're so unafraid fighting vampires and other beasts, but the slightest threatening look and you're quaking in your boots."

"Because it's funny, and this story is supposed to be funny!" said Link, swimming towards the giant cannon.

Link screamed as he ploughed into the sand and ended up with an entire mouthful (and an entire stomach full) of the stuff. He spat it out and climbed back up, dusting himself off.

"So how come when you fall from 5 feet you lose a heart but when you get blasted miles into the air from a cannon you land completely unharmed?" asked Midna. Link spat another mouthful of sand onto the floor.

"I don't know! That's not to say it wasn't painful though!" He looked around. Nothing but sand for miles. "Midna, I think I'd be better in my wolf form for this." Midna jabbed him with the sparkly shard and he transformed instantly.

"Right then, let's get going!" He said, and ran off across the desert.

Later, Link slowed as he saw the glow of a fire.

"There are people there?" He edged closer, and shielded his eyes. This was no normal fire. It sparkled in the dark of the night.

"No! Vampires!" Midna hissed. Sure enough, three vampires were crouched around the sparkly fire, along with two rather hairy people who appeared to be werewolves.

"Only three of them... I can take them easily!" Link said and started forwards. There was a harsh cry from above and Link looked up. There were several vampires standing on towers, carrying bows and arrows. The vampires on the ground turned round, alerted. The werewolves morphed and howled. Two of the vampires leapt onto the werewolves back, and the other one raced towards Link on foot. The vampires on the towers loaded their bows and aimed.

"Midna! Make me a human again!" Link yelled. Midna shoved the master sword into his hand and he transformed just in time to slash at the vampire running towards him. The vampire flew back and landed on the floor. Then he was hit with something from behind and it was Link's turn to fly through the air. He landed heavily, and sprang to his feet. The werewolf that had just hit him skidded to a halt and span round for another attack. Link staggered as he was hit with a sparkly arrow.

"Retreat!" He yelped, and ran off until the vampires gave up chasing him. Once he was a safe distance, he sneaked back and loaded his bow, and fired at the vampires standing on the towers. They fell off and exploded into sparkles. Then he fired at the vampires on the floor, who fell over and died. The werewolves both morphed into human form and ran over to them. Link listened.

"What happened? They just... died!"

"Not the brightest sparks, werewolves." Midna murmured. Link strode towards them.

"Argh, it's him!" One of the werewolves screamed. "He killed them without even touching them!"

"This one has an arrow sticking out of his chest..." the other werewolf said.

"No, that had nothing to do with it. I killed them with my mind and I'll do the same to you if you don't do as I say!" said Link. "You, ugly!"

"Yeah?" said both the werewolves.

"No, I mean you!" Link said, pointing at the uglier one. "Wolf form, now. I'm going to get on your back, and you're going to charge through that barrier and break it for me. I need to get through."

"Sure," whimpered the werewolf. "Just don't hurt me, man. Oh, and sorry for knocking you over earlier... I was just doing what I was told."

"Get on with it!" Link snapped. The werewolf shifted into his wolf form and stood still obediently while Link climbed onto his back.

"What should I do?" Asked the other werewolf.

"I don't care, just go eat a vampire or something." Link said.

"But... I might get in trouble for that..." whimpered the werewolf.

"I don't care! Just go away!"

"Of course! Right away!" The werewolf ran off into the distance.

"Right, you ready?" Link asked the werewolf he was sitting on. The wolf nodded.

"Ok, go!" The werewolf reared up on its back legs and charged. The sheer speed and power almost threw Link off, and he had to grip hard on the werewolf's hair to stay on. The werewolf smashed through the barrier with ease and continued charging.

"You can stop now! Stop!" Link yelled. The werewolf smashed into a wall and Link flew off, landing on the floor. The werewolf collapsed onto its side and transformed into a human.

"Woahh... ouch... hey, you're a werewolf too aren't you? Why couldn't you have done that yourself?"

"I am NOT a werewolf, I can just turn into a wolf. And I needed your help because you're bigger and stronger than me."

"Bigger and stronger, huh?" The werewolf struggled to his feet, a predatory gleam in his eye.

"That probably wasn't the best thing to say..." muttered Midna.

"You know, I'm not totally convinced that you DID kill that vampire with your mind," said the werewolf, advancing.

Link backed away. "What if I attacked you, right now? What then?" The wolf asked.

"You... you'd die!" stammered Link.

"Oh really?" The werewolf drew ever closer, partially transforming. His ears grew pointed and when he next opened his mouth his teeth were long and sharp. Link shrank away. Then the werewolf laughed, his human features returning.

"I'm just kidding. Want the truth? I hate those vampires. They treat us like their slaves. I'm glad you got rid of them to be honest. I'm only here because Jacob forced me. Anyway, I'll be seeing you. If you need another werewolf to help you, just howl for one. Or tell them you're getting rid of the vampires. You're practically a werewolf anyway, so they should be happy to help. Plus most of us werewolves are sick of those vampires. It's only because of that damn trio we aren't ripping their throats out right now. I mean Jacob, Bella and Edward by the way. Anyway, I'll be seeing you!" He transformed back into his wolf form and sped off. Link was left standing there, still slightly shocked.

"Now that was a close one!" said Midna.

"Yeahh..." Link murmured.

Link was assaulted by several more vampires on the way in. He dispatched with them relatively easily. One of them dropped a silver key, which he picked up. He unlocked a shed behind him and entered. The first thing he saw was a large werewolf. It got to its feet and began growling half-heartedly.

"Hey," Link said, putting his sword in the scabbard and raising his hands to show he wasn't a threat. "It's alright..." There was a loud noise behind him and he turned around.

"YOU!" screamed the vampire.

"Oh damn!" Link yelped. "It's her!"

"I sure as hell hope you remembered her name this time..." Midna muttered.

"Rihanna Cullen! Prepare to meet your end!" Link said, drawing his sword.

"God damn it, it's Renesmee! How many times must I tell you?" The vampire screamed, pulling out a massive hammer. The werewolf rose wearily, growling. "Enough of you!" Renesmee screamed. "I know you were talking to him!" With that, she smacked the werewolf with the hammer. It whimpered and sunk to the ground.

Link drew his sword as the vampire advanced. He slashed at her, but she blocked with the hammer. Then she drew back the hammer and swung it at him. Link dodged, but barely. He could tell how much it would hurt if that hammer were to hit him.

"Stand still!" Renesmee screamed. Her hammer slammed into the wall and she staggered momentarily. Link took his chance and slashed at her exposed back. She roared in fury and managed to unstuck the hammer, catching Link in a vicious backslice. The force from the blow made Link lose three hearts, and he was thrown over to the other side of the room. He got to his feet, body aching.

"Oww! Why are you fighting anyway? You're just a kid! A vampire kid but still!"

"I've told you! My stupid parents will tell me off if I don't!"

"You don't have to do everything your parents tell you to!" Link said, avoiding another furious swoop of the hammer. He lunged in and almost managed to jab her with the sword, but she blocked.

"I do! Or I'll get yelled at! Stupid parents, I TOLD them that I didn't want to move house but they wouldn't listen! And now all you Legend of Zelda idiots are trying to kill us!"

"Well you're perfectly welcome to live here, but please tell your parents it's not the nicest thing to cover the residence in Twilight and turn the residents into vampires and werewolves!"

"I told them that, they didn't listen. Now I've got to go out and fight idiots like you!"

"Well I'm very sorry, but I can't let your parents continue!" Link said, and ran around her back. He slashed at her again and again until she fell to her knees in defeat.

"Stop!" She yelped, and got up, running out of the door. She slammed the gates shut behind her and began to sparkle. With a flourish, she blasted sparkles from her arm and a sparkly fire began to burn on the gate. "I'll see you later, or NOT." Then she raced off. Link stared in horror as the sparkling flames spread.

"Not again..."

"Hey... over here," someone said in a hoarse voice. Link turned round. It was the werewolf, now in human form. "I know I shouldn't be helping you anything, but I don't particularly want to die here either. Get on my back and I'll get us out of here."

"Thank you so much," Link said earnestly. "Are you alright? She hit you pretty hard with that hammer..."

"I'll live," said the werewolf, and transformed. Link climbed up onto the beast's back and clung on tight. The werewolf reared up and charged, breaking the doors to the shed and smashing through several sets of gates before screeching to a halt in front of a bridge. Link climbed off the werewolf's back gingerly.

"Thanks for that," he said. "So... uhh... I guess I'll see you around and stuff..." The werewolf turned back into a human.

"I'm not going to eat you right now or anything, don't worry. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get the Twilight out of here, and that is exactly what most werewolves want! It's just because Jacob is so powerful nobody wants to challenge him. No offence, this place sucks compared to back home. Plus the vampires are... rrgh." The werewolf stalked away.

"You know, another werewolf just said pretty much the exact same thing to me back there!" Link said.

"Well you know what that means, don't you?" said the werewolf, coming very close to Link.

"What?"

"It means, you'd better goddamn get us out of here or else!" Growled the werewolf, fangs showing and hands clawed.

"OK! I will! I promise!" Link said quickly.

"Good. See you around." The werewolf left. Link and Midna looked at eachother, shrugged, and entered the building.


	14. Spinning in the Sand

_Wow this is a long chapter. I never meant it to be so long. But people tend to like longer chapters for some reason, so I guess it's not that bad._

_..._

Link walked cautiously up to the edge of the sand.

"So... there's sand whirlpools? Can I even walk across this stuff or will I get sucked in?"

"Well how else are you going to get across?" asked Midna.

"Maybe if I put on my heavy boots it'll stop the whirlpool sucking me in!" Link said, pulling on the boots. He took a tentative step onto the sand and screamed as he sank. Midna just watched.

"Well at least you didn't get sucked in by the whirlpool," she commented as Link reappeared by the entrance.

"Looks like the boots are a no-no." Link said, then saw something. There was a metal grille about halfway across the wall. "Well that's a start I guess..." he pulled out his clawshot and fired it at the grille, dropping to the ground once he reached it. "Now I can jump across these platforms..." he walked to the edge and jumped. However, mid-jump something slammed into him and knocked him into the sand. Link struggled as the sand enveloped his legs, slowly but surely pulling him down. He waded through the sand, trying to get to land. He nearly made it when the worm like creature leapt out of the sand again, smacking him in the head and making him lose his concentration. He struggled against the pull of the whirlpool, but was slowly and surely sucked towards it.

"Why do I bother?" He moaned as he sank into the sand.

After hours, Link finally managed to navigate the first room and fight his way through the hoards of mini skeletons in the second room. He entered the next room cautiously.

"I don't like this place... I keep feeling like something's going to jump out on me!"

"Well this room looks alright," Midna said. "Looks pretty safe to me." Link nodded and walked forwards, looking around at the room. It was large, with four torches burning with creepy blue flames in front of an open door. Link approached the door, but all of a sudden the flames leapt out of their torches and the door slammed shut.

"EEK!" Link screamed shrilly. The flames danced around for a while, before four lanterns floated towards them and enclosed the fires inside them. Three of the lanterns floated off and disappeared but the fourth remained where it was, hovering in front of Link. Link was frozen with fear. Midna sighed and shoved the sparkly shard into his forehead.

"Use your wolf senses. It's a ghost." Link honed his senses and looked again. A tall, pale vampire ghost hissed at him, holding the lantern. Link growled and leapt at it, grabbing it by the body and slamming his head repeatedly into it. The ghost made a screaming sound and threw him off, before swooping at him with the lantern. It slammed into Link and he rolled over sideways before leaping to his feet and jumping at the ghost again. The ghost half fell, half floated to the ground and lay there, prone. Link leapt on it.

"Rip its sparkles out!" Midna shouted. Link looked and saw the ghost had a sparkly core. He dug his muzzle in and fastened his jaws around the sparkling ball, wrenching it out of the ghost. The ghost shuddered, then faded and disappeared. Its lantern smashed and the blue flame floated back to its torch, igniting it with a quiet "poof!". The door remained shut however. Link wrinkled up his nose.

"Ghosts smell really weird..."

"Is it a strong smell?" Asked Midna. "Because if it is, you can track the other ghosts and find out where they went from their scent..."

"Midna! That's an excellent idea!" Link sniffed where the ghost had been until he was sure he had the scent memorised.

"Well... it smells like one of them went this way!" Link said, following the smell... straight into a wall. "I can't walk through walls! This is unfair!" Then he noticed a patch of sand at his feet. "Maybe I can dig my way into the next room?" He scrabbled at the sand until he hit something hard. "A chain?" He picked the handle up in his mouth and pulled, hard. There was a rumbling noise and part of the floor behind him sunk down to make stairs. Link dropped the chain and ran down the stairs, opening the door at the bottom and entering a circular room with a pillar in the middle and a bit sticking out of it. Link pushed the bit sticking out, and the walls of the room rotated around him, revealing a niche in the wall and a big scary skeleton.

"Aghhh!" Link screamed.

Finally, Link followed his nose into a room, and the door slammed shut behind him.

"That must mean there's a ghost in here!" He tuned his wolf senses and growled as the ghost floated in front of him. Suddenly it swooped forwards and smacked him with the lamp.

"Ow! Hey, that hurt!" He leapt onto the ghost and dragged it to the floor before ripping out its sparkly core. Midna watched as the blue flame floated out of the lamp and sped off towards the room.

"Two down, two to go!" She commented. "Let's go!"

Link leapt into the air as a sand worm jumped at him. He grabbed it and shook it, flinging it back into the sand and waiting until it writhed and exploded before dashing over the sand towards the next spot of land. However, before he reached it spikes erupted from the sand and slammed into his stomach. A normal person would have been skewered, but Link, being made of pixels, was thrown sideways and lost a few hearts. He got to his feet, floundering in the sand.

"Ahhhh! Ahhh! What was that? I hate this place! There are so many traps and sand everywhere and I keep sinking in it and it took me hours to get through the first goddamn room and..." He stopped as he realised he had sunk almost up to his muzzle in the sand. "And yeah... you see my point." He finished as the sand pulled him under.

Finally, Link managed to avoid both the spikes and sinking in the sand. He climbed up onto a platform and sighed.

"Midna, WHY is there a huge chandelier in the way?"

"There's a chain over there, try pulling it and it might hoist it back up!" Midna said. Link ran over to the chain and yanked on it until the chandelier touched the ceiling. He let go of the chain, satisfied, and strolled leisurely underneath the chandelier.

"Shouldn't you walk a bit faster?" Midna asked.

"Why?"

"Well that chandelier is coming down on you..." Link looked up to see the chandelier falling towards him. He sighed, depressed as it landed on top of him.

Finally, Link had made it out of the room, killed another vampire ghost and was well on the way to finding the last one.

"Should be in here I think..." he said, and walked into the room. Immediately the door slammed shut and a lantern floated in front of him.

"There you are!" He growled, and tuned his wolf senses, throwing himself at the ghost. However, he passed straight through it. The ghost raised its arms and split into several copies. Link paused, confused as the vampire ghosts whirled around him in a circle.

"Are they all real? Do I have to kill them all, or only the original? Which one is the original anyway?"

"Well there's only one way to find out!" Midna said. Link growled in agreement and leapt at one of the ghosts. He flew straight through it, causing no damage whatsoever.

"Well that one's not real..." He leapt at another. And another. And another. All of them he passed straight through without doing anything.

"What? None of them are real? How do I beat it then?" Link gasped. Then, one of the ghosts began to sparkle faintly. Not expecting anything, Link jumped at it. He was shocked when he slammed into the ghost, which had now become solid. He grabbed the vampire ghost by the neck and wrenched it from side to side until it hissed and smacked him away. It then blasted a stream of sparkle power straight at Link, who leapt out of the way. The sparkles scorched the ground where he had been standing.

"So even dead vampires can use sparkle power..." Link muttered as the ghosts began to whirl round him once again. Link tried to keep his eye on the real one, but quickly lost it as they span round him faster and faster.

"Link! Watch out!" Midna shouted. Link turned round, and was hit in the face by a blast of sparkle power.

"Argh, my eyes!" He whimpered, temporarily blinded. His fur smouldered from the hit. The ghosts whirled round him again. Through watery eyes, Link saw one ghost begin to sparkle brighter than the others and leapt at it, clinging on to it with his claws and tearing at it. Finally, the ghost screamed and fell to the floor. Link blinked rapidly, still trying to clear his eyes from the sparkle power blast.

"Get it Link! What are you waiting for?" Midna yelled.

"I can't see! Everything looks sparkly!" Link howled. He made a guess at where the core would be, and sunk his jaws into the ghost, wrenching the core out. The ghost hissed and faded into nothing. Its lantern smashed and the flame escaped back to where it had come from.

"Come on Link! That's the last flame, let's go see what happened!" Midna said excitedly. Link nodded.

"Can you turn me back to human form?" Midna handed him the master sword and he morphed back to a human.

Link watched as the flame flew back to its torch and the door at the end of the room slid open.

"Let's go!" He walked through it, and entered the next room. There seemed to be nothing of interest in there, so he went through the only door which seemed to be available at that moment. The door slammed shut behind him.

"Oh for god's sake... not more ghostly vampires!" Link looked around, but he appeared to be alone in the room. There was a dark, scary looking sword in the centre of the room tied down by several ropes. Apart from that, and a door up on a platform that appeared to be impossible to get to, the room was totally empty. "Huh," said Link. "Maybe I'm meant to do something with this sword." He walked over to it and slashed several of the ropes tying it to the ground. Immediately, all the ropes snapped and the sword floated into the air.

"Well that was clever." Midna commented. Link just watched.

"Do you think it's gonna help?" The sword began sparkling at the edges.

"No, I don't think it's gonna help! I think you should get the hell out of the way!" Midna yelled. Without warning, the sword sliced at Link, slamming hard into his side. Link fell to the floor and rolled over.

"Midna, make me a wolf!" Midna obliged, and Link stared at the sword, wolf senses honed and saw why it was flying around. Holding it was yet another ghost. However, this one looked like a normal human, albeit slightly hairy. It growled at him, and morphed into a wolf.

"A werewolf ghost!" Link growled. "I'll get you!" The werewolf howled and swung the sword at him. Link dodged, the sword barely missing him, before leaping at the werewolf. He slashed at the creature with his claws. The ghost struggled, and eventually managed to shake Link off. It swooped up into the air, well out of reach of Link and now visible to the naked eye. Link growled and watched it carefully. It gestured with its hands, forming a ball of ghostly energy. Link had a sudden idea.

"Midna! Turn me into a human!" Midna shoved the master sword into his hand and Link morphed into a human just as the ghost threw the energy ball at him. He pulled out the sword, and span it round in a huge circle, smacking the energy ball right in the centre. However, this did not affect it in any way and it continued its course, slamming into Link hard.

"Well that was stupid. What was the point of that?" Midna asked.

"Normally when something throws energy balls at you in this game, you're meant to hit them back at it with your sword..." Link muttered.

"Well this is a werewolf! It doesn't come from legend of Zelda, it comes from twilight so it won't work the way you expect it to! Just get it down here and beat it up again!"

"Right!" Link pulled out his clawshot and aimed at the ghost.

"It's a ghost. You really think that's gonna work?" Commented Midna. Link ignored her and fired. The clawshot hit the ghost in the stomach and it spiralled downwards.

"What was that Midna?" Link asked smugly as the ghost landed and became invisible. Midna ignored him, shoving the sparkly shard into his head. Link transformed, tuned his wolf senses, and jumped at the ghost, tearing at it with his teeth. The werewolf slammed a clawed fist into Link and knocked him off, but Link leapt up and grabbed its leg before it could float away, dragging it back down to the floor. He dug into it with his claws and slashed. The werewolf howled, and dropped the sword. It morphed back into a human, before fading into nothing. The sword appeared to melt, then reform into a chest. Link opened it expectantly, and pulled out... a thing.

"Da da da daaaa! I got a thing!"

"I think you're meant to stand on it," commented Midna. Link placed it on the floor and stood on it. It immediately began spinning.

"WOW! IT SPINS!" The spinny thing eventually slowed down and stopped. "Well that was very fun, but what exactly does it do?"

"I think you can use it to cross sand without sinking. For a while of course, it runs out eventually and stops spinning."

"Interesting..." Link muttered. "There are a lot of spinning things in this temple."

"Yeah! All those rooms that you spin around, and now this spinny thing!"

"It is pretty cool," agreed Link.

Finally, they reached the boss room. Link stood on his spinner and directed it towards the track running round the side of the wall. It latched on and carried Link up the spiral until he reached the door. He unlocked it and entered.

Inside was a huge pit of sand with spinner tracks running around the outside of it. In the middle of the sand was a huge skeleton.

"Woah..." Link said, walking closer. "What is that?"

"It looks like it used to be a werewolf," murmured Midna. "Just a really, really big one." Link edged closer to it.

"Well it looks pretty dead to me. But I don't like this place, dead things aren't always dead. Like all those ghosts and smaller skeletons I had to fight. What if..."

"What if what? What if it came back to life?" A mocking voice said. The air above the skeleton began to sparkle. Link squeezed his eyes shut and looked away. When he looked back, a vampire was standing on top of the massive werewolf skull.

"Bella!" He gasped. Bella Cullen smiled.

"Hello again. I'm surprised to see you still alive, let alone in your human form. I'm guessing the master sword had something to do with that?"

"Get out of here, Bella!" Hissed Midna.

"Oh don't worry, I will. But I need to take the opportunity to say goodbye properly, because I doubt I'm going to be seeing you ever again." Sparkles ran down her arm to form a sparkly sword which she held in her hand. Link pulled out his own sword, ready for a fight, but Bella smiled and plunged the sword into the werewolf skull.

"So long!" Then she vanished in a burst of sparkles. Link was left staring at where she had been.

"Well now what?" There was an ominous creak.

"That doesn't sound good..." said Midna. Link gasped as a red glow formed in the eye sockets of the skull. There was a low growl.

"Midna... remember what I said about dead things not always being dead here? Well I think that werewolf skeleton isn't dead anymore..." There was a dry clicking sound as the skeleton raised its massive head and looked directly at Link. Link swallowed. The werewolf skeleton howled.

Several smaller werewolf skeletons rose out of the sand and began walking towards Link. Link gulped.

"This isn't good." The giant skeleton opened its mouth. "Definitely not good!" Link began to run around the outside of the sandpit.

"Use the spinner! It'll be faster!" Midna said. Link jumped on the spinner and rode it into the sandpit, feeling it click into the track on the side. The giant werewolf roared and blasted sparkly flames out of its mouth, directly where Link had been before.

"Since when did werewolves breathe fire?" Link said.

"Since they became giant skeletons that are revived by a sword made from sparkle power. Never mind that, you have more worries! Look out behind you!" Link looked behind him and saw a spiky thing rolling along the spinner track behind him, getting ever closer.

"Damn!" He kicked the spinner, making it disconnect from the track and spin out towards the centre of the sand pit, towards the giant werewolf skeleton. He then noticed that the werewolf had no back legs, or if it did they were buried in the sand so much the werewolf couldn't get them out. "Well that's a start... at least it can't move too far." One of the smaller werewolf skeletons ran towards him, its jaws wide open. "Unfortunately the same can't be said for these..." Link yelped, and kicked the spinner whilst steering it towards the small skeleton. It spun violently, snapping the old brittle bones and the werewolf collapsed. The spinner bounced off, reconnecting to the track around the edge of the pit.

"Hey... if your spinner can take out these smaller guys, why not try it on the big one in the middle?" Midna asked.

"Good idea!" Link continued circling the pit until the werewolf roared and blasted flame at him once again. Then he kicked the spinner off the tracks and rode towards the centre of the pit, dodging the werewolf skeletons that rushed towards him. From a closer viewpoint, he could see that the werewolf's spine was embedded in the sand. He manoeuvred the spinner close to it, then kicked it so it span violently. He bounced off, heading back towards the track and as he watched cracks appeared partway up the werewolf's spine and the bone splintered, sinking the werewolf further into the sand. The werewolf howled and tried to grab Link with its huge skeletal half hand half paw, but the spinner moved too fast and Link was soon out of range.

"So long, sucker!" Link laughed. The werewolf roared and spat out sparkly fire. Link laughed as he sped away from it, but the smile was soon wiped off his face when one of the spiky things travelling around the tracks slammed into him, knocking him off the spinner. He landed in the sand and got to his feet, slowly beginning to sink. The smaller werewolf skeletons noticed him floundering and began to converge on him. Link slashed two of them away, but another snapped its jaws onto his wrist. He punched it off and continued wading towards the side, sinking more and more by the second. The werewolves crowded around him, but he reached the side and climbed out of the sand before swinging his sword and knocking them away. The giant skeleton turned to look at him and opened its mouth again. Link rolled away from the jet of sparkly flame, checked to make sure the spiky things weren't anywhere near, and got back on the spinner. The werewolf was still blasting the area where he had been standing with flame. Link suspected it hadn't seen him move. Then again, how could a skeleton see anything? Link launched the spinner off the tracks, steering it towards the skeleton's spine. The werewolf was still too absorbed with blasting the walls with sparkly fire to notice, however the smaller werewolves did, rising out of the sand in front of Link to try and stop him reaching the big one. Link dodged around them and slammed into the skeleton's spine. It shattered and the werewolf howled in defeat, crashing to the floor. All of its bones split and broke except the skull, which just lay there motionless. The smaller werewolves howled and crumbled into nothing, and the sand drained away revealing a set of gears in the floor. Link walked to the centre of them and got on his spinner, rotating the gears. The floor rose up until another door came into view. However, there was no bridge to connect the platform to the door.

"How am I supposed to get over there?" Link asked, walking to the edge. "Too far to jump..." Midna turned around and stared.

"Um, Link? Look over here a minute..." Link turned around, but was not fast enough to prevent something slamming into his chest and knocking him off the platform.

He fell right to the bottom of the room and lay there for a second, winded. The skull of the giant werewolf floated down and hovered over him. It growled.

"I just killed you!" Link screamed. He could have sworn the skull was grinning at him. But then again, skulls normally grin. He got to his feet, watching the hovering skull carefully. Then he noticed there were spinner tracks spiralling up the wall and the side of the platform. He jumped on the spinner and manoeuvred it onto the track. The werewolf skull followed him as he spiralled around the platform, and a ball of sparkly energy began to form in its mouth.

"I'm not gonna be caught out again by this, I know now not to hit it back!" Link said to Midna. He waited until the werewolf was just about to spit the ball at him, then kicked the spinner. It jumped off the track around the platform and attached itself to a track on the wall. The sparkling energy ball missed him by centimetres. The werewolf growled and formed another energy ball. Once again, Link dodged this. It snarled and floated round until it was directly facing him. Link panicked.

"I can't dodge this one!" He kicked the spinner, which bounced off the track and directly into the skull. They both fell to the floor. Link recovered first and leapt to his feet, pulling out the master sword.

"Attack the sparkly sword!" Midna yelled. "It can't function if that's destroyed!" Link slashed at the sparkling sword stuck in the skull. Eventually, it began to glitter more and more. Link backed away and closed his eyes. There was a loud crack and a flash that he could see even through his eyelids. When he opened his eyes, small fragments of bone were littering the floor and the sparkly sword was nowhere to be seen. There was a loud rumbling and he looked up in time to see a bridge form from the platform to where the door had been. He looked at Midna.

"The twilight mirror must be through there. Let's go!"


	15. Ice Ice Baby

_I know the title of this chapter has pretty much nothing to do with anything, but hey. I couldn't think of a better one._

* * *

Link scrambled up the ruined staircase and reached the door at the top. He entered the room and immediately a barrier formed around the entire room. A portal opened up overhead and dropped several dark shapes into the room.

"Argh! I just beat a giant werewolf skeleton and now I'm being attacked by more?" Link moaned. "Go on then, make me a wolf. It'll be easier to fight them like that." Midna jabbed him with the sparkly shard and he transformed. Something ran at him, fast. It was a vampire. Link dodged out of the way and leapt at it. The vampire also dodged and swiped as Link as he went past, sending him tumbling to the floor. He got up in time to cling on another vampire's back and tear at its neck. The vampire shook him off and span around, glaring at Link.

"Let's get him," she hissed to the other vampire. The two vampires stood side by side and advanced. Link leapt at the one he had previously attacked and slashed at it until it collapsed. The other vampire smirked.

"She was an idiot anyway. I won't revive her unless I have to." He raised his arm and blasted sparkle power at Link. Link dodged and tackled him, shoving him to the ground. However, something hit him from behind and knocked him off the vampire. He turned around to see a werewolf growling at him. He growled back, standing his ground. Then something hit him again. He turned around to see another werewolf, this one with a vampire on its back. They surrounded him, smiling evilly. Link growled and aimed. He leapt first at the vampire on the werewolf's back, knocking him to the ground and trampling him. Then he span round and tackled the werewolf to the ground, using it as a springboard to slam into the last vampire. He then span around and smashed into the final werewolf, knocking it over to the floor. All of the creatures glittered faintly and vanished, sucked up by the Twilight portal above their heads.

"Do you think they were protecting the Twilight mirror?" Link asked.

"I don't know. I think they just had nothing better to do!" said Midna.

"Yeah, probably. Oh well, at least there's a portal here now which I can use whenever." He looked at the room. It was empty apart from a statue in the middle of some weird person with a snake coiled round them.

"Hey! That snake has spinner tracks, I can climb up there!"

"Climbing on a statue?" said Midna. "Isn't that the sort of thing your parents try and encourage you not to do?"

"Yeah, oh well!" yelled Link. He stood on the spinner and used it to scale the snake. At the top of the statue was a gear slot, which he span round and round with the spinner until a platform rose out of the sand. Midna gasped.

"The Twilight mirror! What happened to it?" Link looked. On the platform was a stand with a fragment of a mirror on it.

"It's... broken?" Link said. All of a sudden, ghosts appeared on the pillars surrounding the room. Link drew his sword. "More ghosts!"

"No you idiot, they're friendly!"

"Hi!" said a ghost. "The Twilight mirror is broken!"

"Yes, I can see that." Said Link. "How did it break?"

"Bella Cullen smashed it! She didn't even have to use sparkle power, one glance and it broke!" The ghost said. Midna giggled.

"Ugly cow, of course it did!"

"Then she took the pieces and scattered them. There are three pieces, one is in the snowy mountains, one is in the sky and one is in a secret forest grove."

"Forest grove? Could that be the lost woods?"

"Nah, I think we ought to check out the snowy mountain first." Said Midna.

"But we know where the forest grove is and we have no idea where the mountain is!"

"Well I say we go to the snowy mountain first," said Midna. "It's near the fish-face domain if that helps."

"But why? It makes no sense!"

"Shut up and warp," Midna said, creating a portal which sucked Link up.

Link reformed at the fish-face domain. He hid behind a pillar and transformed into a human.

"So now what? You're the one that said come here!" He said to Midna.

"I don't know... just go around and check stuff out!"

"Well that's helpful!" Link sighed. "Actually, wasn't there that tunnel that was blocked with ice the last time we came here?"

"That would be a good start!" Midna said. Link walked around, and found the tunnel.

"Lo and behold! The ice is gone! Isn't that convenient?" He entered the tunnel.

"Hi Link!" somebody yelled. Link walked up to them.

"Oh hey! Umm... how are you doing?"

"I'm great thanks! What are you doing here? I don't advise you go any further unless you have some way of getting around, there's a blizzard ahead and you'll get lost!"

"Oh right, thanks! Uhh... never mind me, what are you doing here?"

"I'm investigating rumours about a yeti. I've seen it! Here's a picture!" The girl handed him a drawing. Link looked at it. It was a drawing of a yeti holding a bright red fish.

"Ok, thanks! I'll umm... I'll see you around!"

"Bye Link!" Link walked away as fast as he could without appearing eager to get away.

"Who was that?" Midna asked.

"I have absolutely no clue," muttered Link. "She seemed to recognise me, but I have no idea who she was!"

Midna shrugged.

"Oh well, she gave you this picture. I don't know how on earth it'll be helpful, but you never know!" Link also shrugged.

"No idea. Hey, you!" He called out to one of the fish-faces standing near him. "What do you think of this?" The fish-face looked at it, as if he was used to random strangers coming up to him and asking his opinion on pictures.

"Well, if you don't mind my opinion sir, I find the style to be a little childish. However, the medium used thoroughly suits the drawing, and I find the striking red colour of the reekfish to be in beautiful contrast with the pure white of the yeti's fur..."

"Woah woah woah! I didn't want a freaking art critic! I was just asking about whether you'd seen this yeti!"

"Oh, sorry. I have a job in an art museum so I thought you were proposing I add this to the exhibition. Anyway, as I said, although the style is a little immature I feel that the contrast of colours and..."

"Never mind." Link said. "What did you say the fish was? A reekfish? Why's it called that, does it smell bad or something?"

"Haven't you ever heard of a reekfish before? They smell terrible! Oh, but their beautiful scarlet red shade has inspired many great artists to produce stunning work..."

"Where can I find one of these reekfish?" Link interrupted.

"Down by the rocks over there. But I doubt you'll have any luck catching them, the only person I know who has ever caught one is Prince Ralis! I remember the day well. I even painted a picture of it, in fact you could come with me now to my art gallery to look at it if you want?"

"Ok, thanks but I'm a little busy. Maybe later. Bye!" Link said quickly, and ran off. "I really don't need a lecture on artwork right now. Plus I have a plan."

"A plan?" Midna asked.

"Remember when I tracked the ghosts down by scent? Well if this yeti likes these reekfish and I learn what a reekfish smells like, I can track the yeti down with the scent!"

"Wow, you surprised me. That's ACTUALLY a good idea!" said Midna. "So I guess the next step is to go speak to prince Ralis? Was he the fish-face we took to the doctor?"

"Yeah. Let's warp there now!" They retreated to a safe distance where nobody could see, then Midna opened a portal and teleported them to Kakario village.

Link strode to the pool where the fish-face queen had given him the ability to breathe underwater.

"Hi there!" He said to prince Ralis. The prince turned around.

"Oh, it's you! Link, isn't it? Thanks for everything you've done. If there's anything I can do, just say!"

"That's ok... and actually, there is one thing..." Link pulled out the picture. "This fish here... I heard you're the only one that's caught one? How do you do it?" Ralis looked at it.

"Oh, a reekfish! They're very common, but they only eat this rare coral. Here, take this!" He handed Link his earring. Link looked at it, confused. "It's made of the coral," Ralis explained. "Attach it to your fishing rod and hopefully they'll come for it."

"Thanks for this!" Link said, and dashed off to somewhere where he couldn't be seen. Midna formed a portal and warped him back to the fish-face domain.

Link walked over to where the fish-face had said the reekfish lived. He peered into the water, and saw a flash of red.

"That looks like one! OK, I'll start fishing here then." He pulled out his fishing rod and flicked the end in the water. And waited.

"Aha, a bite!" He yelled, and pulled. The fish flew out of the water and Link caught it.

"Argh! That stinks!" He gagged.

"Well that was easy. Normally people have to fish for hours before they get a bite and even then they're pulling it in for ages. That took less than five minutes," Midna commented. "I'm guessing you want to be a wolf now so you can sniff it?" She poked Link with the sparkly shard and he transformed, walking up to the fish.

"Urghh this is disgusting," he moaned. "It smells horrible!"

"Well remember how it smells and follow the scent!" Midna snapped. Link looked up.

"Ok, let's go!" He ran off towards the tunnel, following the smell of the fish. As soon as he exited the tunnel at the other end, the temperature dropped by about 6 degrees and it began snowing.

"What? It was sunny back there!" He yelped.

"Well they did say it was a snowy mountain!"

"But that's ridiculous! It can't be sunny and warm in one place then a couple of metres away be snowy and cold!"

"Well obviously it can because it just did!"

"But that's just stupid!"

"That's life. Now I suggest you get sniffing out that fish before you freeze to death." Link nodded and began to follow the scent of the reekfish.

Link squinted. If he looked hard enough, he could just see a pale shape standing on the mountain top.

"Do you think that's the yeti?" He asked Midna. "The scent is leading over there..."

"Looks like it."

"Right, I'm gonna go talk to him."

"Well, not to burst your bubble or anything, but how does finding the yeti help us at all? I mean, sure we're not lost hopelessly, but what makes you think talking to it will be any use?"

"... I didn't think about that. But hopefully it will be OK." Link walked cautiously up to the yeti.

"Um... hi?" The yeti span round.

"AHH! WOLF! WOLF MAKE GOOD DINNER WITH FISH, YES!"

"ARGHHH!" Link yelped and ran. The yeti chased after him for a while, but gave up and walked back to the tree. Link growled.

"Damn yeti. Turn me into a human, Midna."

"He might eat humans too you know..."

"Well it's worth a try." Link transformed into a human and walked to the yeti again.

"Hello?"

"AHH! HUMAN!"

"Oh gawd!" Link yelped, and began to run off again, but he was too slow. The yeti grabbed him round the waist and lifted him close to its face to have a better look at him. "Please don't eat me!" Link begged.

"EAT HUMAN? NO, HUMANS GIVE INDIGESTION!"

"Well thank god for that," Link sighed. "You couldn't help could you? I'm looking for a mirror..." He briefly explained his situation to the yeti, who listened intently.

"HMM..." The yeti began. Link winced.

"No offence, but could you talk a little quieter? You're hurting my ears..."

"WHAT'S THAT? HUMAN YOU TALK TOO QUIET. I CANNOT HEAR. ANYWAY THERE IS MIRROR PART AT MY HOUSE. IT MAY BE THE ONE YOU LOOK FOR. COME WITH ME TO MY HOUSE."

"Really? Oh that's fantastic, thank you very much! Now how do we get there...?" The yeti thumped the tree next to them. A large leaf fell down. Link looked at it. It was frozen solid. The yeti leapt onto it and slid down the slope on it.

"LIKE THIS, HUMAN. FOLLOW ME!" Link shook the tree until another leaf fell down. He walked over to it.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"What do you mean? Of course it's a good idea. Part of the twilight mirror is there! Plus he's given us permission and everything!"

"Well two things. He might decide to eat you anyway. Plus, you can't snowboard."

"What does that have anything to do with anything?" Link asked, confused.

"Well it takes lots of practice to snowboard, which is basically what that is except that's more dangerous. You'll fall off every five seconds." Link glowered at her.

"Oh really?" He leapt onto the leaf and slid away.

Finally, they arrived at the yeti's house.

"What was that about me falling off every five seconds?" Link asked smugly.

"Have you done this before?" Midna asked suspiciously.

"No, never."

"Well how? It takes months to learn to snowboard!"

"I don't know..." Link shrugged and walked into the yeti's house.


	16. My Precious

_Sorry I haven't updated for so long... been busy with college work blah blah etc etc the usual excuses. But it is true. By the way, I apologise for all of the lord of the ring references later on, it was just too much to resist..._

_..._

Link walked cautiously through the massive front door, skidded on ice, and landed heavily on his backside.

"Ow!" He moaned, picking himself to his feet. He looked around.

"Hellooooooo? Anyone here?" He hollered. Midna winced, casting a worried look at the icicles hanging from the ceiling.

"Don't shout, you might make those icicles fall on your head..."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Well, it might happen. You never know when you're walking under icicles whether they're liable to fall or not!"

"Well I know these ones won't." Link said confidently.

"How?"

"Because look at them! They're just regular small icicles. If they were the type to fall on people's heads, they'd be at least four foot long with a deadly point on the end of them!" Midna looked at the icicles. They did seem too small to cause any damage.

"That's true... well come on then, let's go." Link half walked, half skidded into the next room.

"I hope not all the rooms are that icy..." He murmured.

"Oi! Who are you and... *cough* what are you *cough* doing in my house?" Someone said. Link froze.

"Another yeti!" This yeti was slightly smaller, wrapped in a blanket and sitting by the fire. This didn't make it any less threatening as it got up and stomped towards Link. Link backed off.

"Hey, that other yeti said I could come... he said you had part of a mirror here?"

"You... *cough cough* mean my husband?" The yeti said, sitting back down. "Yes, we do... *cough* have a mirror part here. Are you *cough* going to get rid of it?"

"Well we'd like to take it with us if that's what you mean, yes." Link said.

"Good! We think it's... *cough* why I'm ill. Take it, please. We *cough* locked it away. We stored... *cough* the key *cough* somewhere. I'll give you a map and show you where it is..." The yeti got to her feet, and doubled over in coughing. Link waited patiently.

Half an hour later, the yeti finished coughing and handed Link a map, marking a room on it.

"Thanks very much!"

"By the way, you might... *cough cough cough cough*"

"Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine, let's go!" Link hurriedly left the room through a door that the yeti had opened.

"That was a bit rude, don't you think?" Said Midna.

"I didn't want to wait for her to finish coughing! I'd have been there for hours! Anyway, I bet it was something really unimportant she was gonna say anyway. Yetis don't seem to be the most intelligent creatures..."

"AHEM! WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT YETIS?" A loud voice boomed. Link gulped and turned around. The bigger yeti was standing right behind him, stirring a large pot.

"Um... I..."

"YOU BETTER TELL ME RIGHT NOW HUMAN. WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT YETIS? WHAT DOES "INTELLIGENT" MEAN?"

"Ummmm it means... stupid. Yeah, that's it, stupid. I was saying yetis aren't stupid creatures." Link said hopefully.

"OH GOOD. YOU NICE HUMAN. I WAS THINKING YOU WERE BEING RUDE. SILLY OF ME."

"Yeah haha... anyway, I'm off to look for the key..."

"WAIT HUMAN! IF YOU WANT SOUP, FEEL FREE TO TAKE SOME."

"Um, thanks!" Said Link. Not wanting to offend the yeti, he pulled out an empty bottle and dipped it in the cauldron of soup. "I'll go now, thanks!"

"GOOD LUCK HUMAN!" Link walked briskly from the room.

"Those yetis are kind and everything, but they make me feel a little uncomfortable," he murmured to Midna.

"How so?" Midna asked.

"Well, I don't know really. It just feels like they're going to eat me at any sec-ARGHHHH!" Link hadn't been looking where he was going, and had stepped on a patch of ice. Of course, this made him slip up and land heavily on his rear end.

"Not again!" He complained. "Why is there so much ice here?" There was a huge block of ice sitting next to him so he put his hand on it to give him leverage to get back up. And froze solid. Midna watched, fascinated.

"You alright in there?" She asked sweetly as the block of ice that was Link shook from side to side. Eventually, it cracked and Link emerged shivering.

"H-how on e-e-earth d-d-d-d-does that even w-work?" He said angrily, teeth chattering. "I only t-t-touched it with m-my h-h-h-hand. A-and it sh-shouldn't be c-c-cold enough to freeze m-me anyw-way!"

"This is Hyrule. Some of the normal rules of the universe do not apply here. Like the fact that if you touch the wrong ice it'll freeze you."

"I know, I know..." Link sighed. He got to his feet, making sure not to touch the ice block. "Well, let's have a look around." The room was mainly covered in a thin sheet of ice, and there was a button and a metal block sitting on the ice. Link sighed.

"Ice block puzzle. Happens _all _the time." He pushed the block and watched it slide until it hit the edge of the ice.

"What's that?" Asked Midna.

"I've got to push the block onto the button. They've always got one of these, so unoriginal..." Link complained.

Finally, Link reached the room marked on the map. Eagerly, he opened the chest.

"Da da da daaaaaa! I got... huh, _what_?" Link stared at the object he was mysteriously levitating above his head.

"That, my dear Link, is a pumpkin." Midna stated.

"I can see that. WHY is there a pumpkin in the chest when it should be a key?"

"How am I meant to know? Go back and ask that yeti woman."

"All this way for nothing," Link grumbled.

Link walked briskly through the kitchen. Or tried to. Half way through, the yeti grabbed him by the collar and yanked him over to the cauldron of soup.

"Please don't eat me!" Link whimpered. The yeti ignored him.

"WHAT THAT SMELL? YOU HAVE PUMPKIN?" He yanked the pumpkin out of Link's pocket, pushed him to the floor and threw the pumpkin into the cauldron. "SOUP TASTE GOOD NOW," He explained.

"Right... glad I could help..." Link said, before hastily exiting the room. He strode up to the yeti woman.

"Why was there a pumpkin in the chest? Where's the key?"

"A... *cough cough* pumpkin? Oh dear... I must have *cough cough* marked the *cough* wrong room... Give me your map again..." The yeti marked a different room on the map. "This is... *cough* the right room."

"Thanks." The yeti opened a door, and Link walked through it into the snowy courtyard.

"This room is just through that door," he commented. "Shouldn't take long to get there."

"That's what you think!" Midna said.

"Wha-" Link began, but then he felt a freezing cold spray hit him and he froze solid. Midna watched in amusement. Finally, Link broke out of the coating of ice.

"What was that?" He turned around to see a huge monster composed entirely of ice. It opened its mouth and fired a jet of the spray at him. Link rolled out the way and ran out of range.

"What was that stuff it breathed? Liquid nitrogen?"

"Probably. I don't know."

"Well we've got a problem. It doesn't seem to be able to move. So that means we can't get past it without killing it. And somehow I doubt my sword will have an effect."

"Well let's go through there," Midna indicated a hole in the wall, "and look for a way to kill it."

"Sure."

"Wow, a cannon ball!" Link yelled excitedly. He ran and picked it up.

"Careful with that," Midna warned. "It looks heavy..." Link walked a couple of paces, slipped on the ice, and dropped the cannon ball on his foot.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Link was still swearing as he hauled the cannon ball outside, and dumped it in the cannon.

"You're such a wimp," Midna commented. "Surely it didn't hurt that much." Link glowered at her.

"Have you ever dropped a cannon ball on your foot?"

"No, but..."

"Well shut up then!" He wrenched the cannon round until it was facing the ice monster.

"Revenge!" Link yelled, and placed a bomb in the cannon. It fizzed for a couple of seconds before firing. The cannon ball slammed into the monster and smashed it into millions of icy shards. Link smiled, and entered the room. There were two suits of armour in the room and not much else. Link ignored them and went straight for the door. However, the door slammed shut before he reached it. There was a howl.

"What? Why on earth do these damn yetis have self locking doors?" Link turned around. Nothing seemed to have changed. Then the suit of armour in front of him imploded. Link staggered back as the other suit of armour wielding a massive spiked ball on a chain closed in on him. Inside the armour was a huge werewolf. It began swinging the ball above its head.

Link backed off. The werewolf advanced.

"Link! You can't back off, there's no room in here to do that!" Midna snapped. Link continued backing off and hit the door.

"You're right... but I can't go forward, that thing is taking up the whole corridor!" The werewolf stopped swinging the ball and chain above its head and hurled the spiked ball at Link. It hit him heavily, knocking him to the floor.

"I can't take many hits that bad," he gasped, losing three hearts. Then he noticed the ceiling. It was made out of a kind of wire mesh.

"Right..." He picked himself off the floor and faced the werewolf. It began swinging the chain above its head again. Just as it was about to hurl the spiked ball at Link, Link pulled out his clawshot and fired it at the ceiling behind the werewolf. He was yanked safely up and out of the way as the werewolf slammed the ball into the ground where he had been standing.

Link dropped to the floor behind the werewolf, and noticed its tail was sticking out of the armour. The werewolf grunted and tried to yank back the ball, but it was heavy and lodged in the floor. Link ran over and slashed at the tail. The werewolf howled and yanked harder at the ball and chain, trying to turn round and swat Link. Eventually, it managed to heave the ball back to it. It swung it in a great circle and knocked Link down. Link pulled himself to his feet, and glanced at his health bar.

"Only two hearts left... this is bad! Another hit like that could finish me off!" He gasped, panicking slightly.

"Drink the soup!" Midna snapped.

"Soup? OH yeah, that soup!" Link pulled out the soup the yeti had given him, and drank it. Time froze temporarily around him as he drank it, but once he had swallowed the last drop it began to move again.

"Why does it do that? How do I have this inexplicable power to freeze time around me when I want to drink something, and no other time?" Link asked. "And how did that soup stay warm all this time?"

"Never mind that, look out!" Midna yelled. Link looked, just in time to see the werewolf hurl the ball at him.

"Ahh!" He yelled, and fired his clawshot at the ceiling, dropping down behind the wolf. He slashed at its tail desperately. The werewolf howled in pain and collapsed onto the floor before bursting into sparkles and vanishing.

"How could slashing the tail cause a fatal wound?" Link pondered. "I doubt there are any major blood vessels there..."

"Stop questioning Hyrule's laws of nature! It died, and that's all that matters!"

"Meh, well as the laws of nature seem to be so strange here, I may as well do this!" Link strode over to the ball and chain the werewolf had dropped, and picked it up. Midna just stared as he flung it over his shoulder and it vanished into the mysterious realm of his inventory, seemingly losing all of its weight as it did so.

"I see what you mean... that IS weird!"

"Well come on then, let's go!" Link continued through the now open door.

"Finally! This must be it!" Link said as a large chest came into view.

"Sure it's not another pumpkin?" Midna teased. Link ignored her and opened the chest.

"Da da da daaaa! I got..."

"Or maybe it's a block of cheese!" Midna giggled, and turned around. "Oh. So it _IS _a block of cheese." Link glared at the cheese as if he was trying to melt it with his gaze.

"I am going to kill that goddamn yeti woman. That is, if her husband doesn't kill me trying to get this cheese off me."

Link crept cautiously into the kitchen.

"Hereyougopleasedon'thurtme!" He squeaked, throwing the cheese at the yeti and running out of the other door. His attitude changed completely as he exited the kitchen, going from terrified to furious. He burst into the next room.

"You!" He snarled. "That chest was fake too. There was a block of cheese in it. Would you please give me the right room _now?"_ The yeti lady couldn't hide her smirk.

"Umm... oops... *cough cough*"

"You did that on purpose didn't you?" Link growled.

"No, *cough* of course not. Give me the *cough cough* map, I remember the room now." Link handed her the map and she marked a room on it.

"This had better be right this time," Link snarled.

Finally, Link reached the room marked on the map.

"If this isn't it, I'm going to kill that yeti woman and search every room in the entire mansion," he muttered as he walked towards the chest. He breathed deeply for a second, then opened the chest.

"WHAT? A SPOON?"

"What?" yelped Midna.

"Oh no wait, it's a key. My bad, sorry."

"You had me worried for a second!" Grumbled Midna. "Come on then, let's get to that room."

As they were climbing to the room with the mirror shard, they bumped into the yeti lady.

"I drank some soup and I felt better," she explained. "I'll take you to the room now." She began shuffling _slowwwly _up the slope.

"It's OK, we know the way..." Link said. The yeti ignored him. He sighed and ran past her all the way up to the room, unlocking the door with the key. Mysteriously, the yeti seemed to teleport to right behind him. They entered the room together.

"Here is the mirror," the yeti said, indicating the mirror shard. "It's so pretty, it's my precious."

"Your WHAT? Uh oh..." Link began.

"My _precioussssss_... just look at the way it _sparkles..._"

"Sparkles?" Link looked at the mirror. Inside was a dark shape with strange hair. It sparkled, brighter and brighter. Midna gasped.

"That's Edward Cullen!"

"My precioussssss," the yeti hissed. "He wants the precious. Always he is looking for it. And the precious is wanting to go back to him... But we mustn't let him have it."

"She's quoting Gollum. This is NOT good." Link yelled, drawing his sword. The yeti spun round.

"Stupid fat hobbits! Can't have my precious!"

"We're not hobbits!" Link protested. The yeti hissed, and Link saw her teeth had elongated and her eyes sparkled in a sinister fashion. She screeched, and ice formed on the floor beneath them, making it slippery. She raised her arms and ice cocooned her body, forming a thick protective shell until she was no longer recognisable, just a huge lump of ice. Link ran as the lump charged at him, skidding on the ice.

He pulled out the ball and chain and stood his ground as the ice lump advanced once again on him. When it was close enough, he swung it around his head a couple of times and hurled it at the ice lump. It hit it with a huge crash, and several chunks of ice dropped off. He swung the ball and chain again and made another attack on it, knocking more ice off. The ice lump span on the spot, before hurling several chunks of ice flying out in all directions. One of these hit Link, sending him flying to the floor. He got to his feet and clumsily dodged another charge from the lump, slipping and sliding on the ice. He whirled the ball and chain and managed to get another hit in.

The ice lump skidded on the ice and slammed into the wall, shattering into millions of pieces. The yeti hissed and levitated into the air before creating another cocoon of ice, this time with a wicked point at the bottom. Several giant, sharp icicles formed around the first. Link stared as they floated to a point just above him.

"What..."

"Link you idiot! Move!" Midna yelled. Link blinked, and yelped as he saw one of the giant icicles falling straight towards him. He ran to one side and narrowly avoided being skewered, but then a second icicle fell, scraping his left side. He fell to the floor, and a third icicle fell. Link picked himself up to his feet and ran. More icicles fell behind him, some narrowly missing him, some scraping his side. He looked up and noticed all but the giant icicle the yeti was in had fallen. The icicles shivered and rose out of the ground to form a circle around the big one. Link looked down, and noticed the icy floor made a perfect mirror to show what was going on above.

He continued running as the circle of icicles positioned themselves above him. The icicles stopped moving, and he ran as fast as he could, managing to escape the circle before they came crashing down. If he had been in the circle, he would have been trapped as the giant icicle smashed down into the centre. He took his chance and swung the ball and chain at it, smashing a few of the smaller icicles and knocking a large chunk out of the bigger one. The icicles rose back into the air and he dodged as they began falling again. This time however, when they fell in a circle around him he realised he was trapped. The giant icicle fell, knocking him flying. He groaned as he got to his feet, aching all over, but still managed to pull out his ball and chain for one last shot. He swung the ball and chain, but missed as the icicles floated back into the air.

"Link..." Midna said. "You've only got one heart left..."

"You've got to be kidding me..." Link gasped.

"Never mind the talking... just run!" Link ran as fast as he could, watching the reflection of the icicles in the floor. One hit could be fatal now. He narrowly dodged one icicle as it smashed into the floor beside him, and rolled out of the way of a second. He ran in a straight line as the other icicles crashed to the floor, avoiding them. The icicles rose and formed a circle.

"Come on..." Link muttered. "I just have to survive this..." The icicles fell, and Link skidded to a halt.

"No!" He was trapped in the circle.

"Over here Link!" Midna yelled. Link looked, and saw one of the icicles that completed the circle was missing. He ran for the gap, throwing himself out just as the giant icicle fell. He spun around and hurled the ball and chain at the giant icicle.

It shattered, throwing the female yeti onto the floor, unconscious. The other icicles disintegrated, and something skidded across the icy floor towards Link. He picked it up. It was the Twilight mirror shard.

"Well, we got it!" Midna said, delighted.

"My precious..." murmured the yeti.

"Let's go before she wakes up," said Link. The door to the room burst open, and the other yeti ran in.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" He yelled, and ran over to his wife.

"She got possessed by the mirror and tried to kill us. But don't worry, we beat her up," said Midna.

"HMMM OK. TAKE THIS AND GO, I'LL LOOK AFTER HER." The yeti handed Link a heart container.

"Um, thanks?" Link and Midna looked at eachother and shrugged. Midna formed a portal, and Link stepped into it and left the yeti's house.

...

_Like I said, I couldn't resist the Gollum stuff. Sorry :D_


	17. A Very Important Golden Sparkly Chicken

"Sooo... where do we go next?" Asked Midna.

"Well where else are the Twilight mirror shards?"

"In the forest and in the sky."

"Ummm... we'll go to the forest then, I don't exactly see how we're meant to get up into the sky!" Link replied.

"Fair enough," commented Midna.

"Maybe try looking more round the area we found the master sword... something didn't seem to add up there."

"Alright, you're the boss!" Midna opened a portal in the sky and warped Link to the forest.

Link walked up to the slope to where he'd jumped across the gap before as a wolf.

"Right Midna, I want you to tra..."

"Hi there." Link jumped and spun round.

"You! What are you doing here?" It was the man from the desert.

"The plot decreed that I must be here. Apparently there's some temple deep in the woods across that ravine. Do you wanna go check it out for me?"

"Actually, I was just on my way there!" Link said. "So if you'll excuse me, I'd best get going..."

"Hang on a second, you'll need help to get across that ravine!"

"No, it's ok, I've worked out how I'm going to do it." Link replied politely. The man grabbed him by the collar and glared at him.

"I SAID you're going to need help to get across that ravine." He whistled. Link turned his head and watched as _something_ came running through the tall grass at a high speed.

"What is that?" He asked nervously. The man ignored him. The thing came closer and closer... and a golden sparkly chicken burst out of the grass and stood clucking next to the man.

There was an awkward silence. Midna raised her arms and made the awkward turtle sign.

"... it's a chicken!" Link said after some time.

"Yes. It's a very nice chicken, don't you think?"

"... it's lovely. But really, I don't need any help, I already know how to get across, I've been over there once before!"

"You WILL use the chicken," the man snarled.

"But..."

"But nothing. If I see you trying to get across with some other method I shall be very... displeased. You understand?"

"Yes," Link muttered. He picked up the chicken, ran to the edge of the cliff and jumped off. The chicken flapped its wings wildly, slowing his fall enough that he could steer to a narrow ledge along the side of the ravine. He landed on it, turned and jumped to the next ledge. The man watched him steadily until he turned a corner and went out of sight.

"What the flip did I need this stupid chicken for?" Link growled the moment the man couldn't see him.

He leapt to a patch of solid ground, and walked to the edge, still carrying the chicken. "I don't need a damn chicken." With that, he threw the chicken off the edge into the ravine. "Good riddance!" The chicken flapped its wings wildly, flew high up into the air, turned around and flew back to Link. Midna giggled.

"WHAT?" Screamed Link. He picked up the chicken and once again threw it off the edge. The same thing happened.

"Calm down! It's just a chicken!" Said Midna.

"But I don't need it! It's making a mockery of me!"

"Well why don't you kill it with your sword?" Midna said slyly. Link raised his sword, then stopped.

"Waaaaait a second. I am perfectly aware of what happens when you attack chickens."

"... I don't know what you're talking about!" Midna said, all innocence.

"Of course not. I'm sure you had no idea. Of course, I'm sure you'd find it funny when I got attacked by a SWARM OF ANGRY CHICKENS!"

"... what?" asked Midna, genuinely confused. Link turned to her, surprised.

"You honestly didn't know that's what happens?"

"Well... that must be what happens in other versions of Hyrule... here, what happens is you turn into a chicken for a while. The angry swarm sounds better though. And yes, I'd find it hilarious!"

"Trust you," muttered Link. "But anyway, whatever Hyrule's great dissuasion from cruelty to chickens is, I don't really want to find out. Midna, turn me into a wolf please."

"What? You're not going to use the chicken to get across?"

"Of course not! I don't trust it. Look at it, it sparkles! I bet it's a vampire chicken. It'll probably drop me halfway across that gap!"

"Well..." Midna tapped Link with the sparkly shard, and Link morphed into a wolf. He turned to the chicken.

"Just out of interest, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Bwaaaaak." The chicken said. Link nodded.

"Right, that was very informative. Thank you." He turned to the edge and stopped.

"Aren't you gonna go over there so I can jump there?" He asked Midna.

"No can do, sorry." Midna replied, smirking slightly.

"What."

"I'm afraid I'm not allowed."

"Well screw it. If I can jump across there when you're there, surely I can jump across there when you're not!" Link walked to the edge, chose a spot, and aimed carefully. Midna sat down and relaxed, waiting for the show. Link leapt, barely making half the distance before falling into the ravine. He reappeared, shaking with anger.

"How... is that... even possible?" He growled.

"I have no idea, but it looks like you're going to have to use the chicken." Midna replied.

"What even is the point?" Link moaned, transforming into a human and picking up the chicken.

Finally, after a lot of complaining and falling into the ravine, Link reached the lost woods.

"I'm finished with you now, get out of my life," he said to the chicken, throwing it against a wall. It flapped and slowly fell. He sighed and turned away from it. "Come on Midna, let's go." Once again, he entered the lost woods. The moment he set one foot in the woods, he heard a giggle and looked up. There, standing in a tree, was the werewolf lady he had encountered the last time he came here.

"You again!" He growled. The lady giggled, morphed into a wolf, howled, and ran away. Several small werewolves immediately leapt to surround Link.

"I'm not going to have to do all this again?" Link moaned.

"Looks like it I'm afraid!" Midna said.

Hours later, Link had got lost several times, killed millions of small werewolves, taken billions of wrong turnings and was now finally engaged in a battle with the werewolf lady and her pack of mini werewolves.

"She at least has some basic intelligence," Link noted as he swung his sword in a massive arc, knocking back 4 werewolves. "Now she's sitting up there where I can't reach her. Shame I have a bow and arrows!" He jabbed the remaining werewolf and pulled out the bow, aiming at the werewolf lady. She howled, summoning more werewolves but Link ignored this and fired. The arrow struck her in the side, and she collapsed.

"Hee hee hee..." she giggled, transforming back to her human form. "You win this time. I'll show you somewhere new!" With that, she leapt away, along with all the surviving werewolves. What had previously looked like a plain wall of wood faded and vanished, revealing an opening. Link looked at Midna and shrugged.

"That was strange. I guess we go in here then."

Link looked around.

"We've been here before!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, this is where you got the master sword. But it's higher up look, you wouldn't be able to get up here from down there." Link looked and saw she was right.

"Well there's this conveniently placed block here, so I'll just push this down so we can use it to climb back up here if we go down there." He pushed the block down. "So now what?"

"Well if you're looking for a secret temple, I think I've found it!" Midna said. Link walked over to where she was hovering.

"A random, disembodied pair of doors... that must be it!" He said happily. "But that statue's in our way..."

"Well get rid of it then!" Midna said. Link walked up to the statue.

"Um, excuse me... could you please get out of the way? We need to go through those doors that seemingly lead to nowhere behind you." The statue remained silent and still.

"Little tip," Midna commented. "In my experience, statues don't normally talk."

"Those ones down there did! Anyway, it was worth a try." He turned to the statue once again and pulled out his sword, hitting the statue with it several times. Once again, nothing happened.

"Come on!" Link muttered, pulling out a bomb and placing it by the statue's feet. He retreated to a safe distance and watched as it exploded, not leaving a single mark on the statue. He pulled out the ball and chain and hurled it at the statue. Still nothing happened. He looked at Midna.

"Any ideas?"

"Nope."

Half an hour later, Link had a brainwave.

"Midna, turn me into a wolf!" Midna obliged, wondering what Link was going to do. Link sat in front of the statue and howled tunelessly. Midna stared.

"What was that?" She asked when he had finished and nothing had happened.

"I don't know... I thought it might work..."

Four hours later, Link had resorted to poking the statue.

"I'll stop poking you when you move!" He growled.

Two days later, Link delicately placed something at the statue's feet. Midna floated above him to have a look. It was a bunch of flowers.

"Have you gone insane?" She asked him.

"Please Mr Statue..." Link said. "I've brought you flowers. Will you move now?" The statue remained motionless.

A week and a half later, Link had still made no progress and was practically in tears.

He had tried everything from throwing skulls at the statue to trying to blow it away with his boomerang, but no success.

"PLEASE!" He sobbed, dropping to his knees in front of the statue. "Please, just _move out of the way!" _The statue did not respond.

"Right, that's it." Sniffled Link, getting to his feet. Midna floated behind him, unsure of what he was going to do.

"What?"

"I quit. I'm sorry Midna, you're gonna have to find someone else to be the hero, because I can't get this statue out of the way."

"You can't quit! What are you talking about?"

"I'm taking the master sword back to its pedestal and I'm gonna leave it there for whoever you choose to be the next hero. You can give him or her all my items too, I won't need them. I'm just going to go home and forget all this." He jumped down the slope and walked towards the master sword pedestal. Midna floated behind him, protesting all the way.

"You can't just quit! Do you know how much time I spent trying to find someone who would be willing to do this for free? And then all those people who failed the test and died..."

"What? You mean I could have got paid? And what do you mean all those people who died?"

"Uh... nothing. Ignore everything I just said."

"What, including the part where you said I can't quit? Alright then." By now, he was standing next to the master sword pedestal. He pulled out the sword. "I'm sorry Midna, but I can't take it anymore. I can't bear to see that statue standing in the way. If I see it one more time I think I might go insane." He plunged the sword back into the pedestal.

There was a loud rumbling sound.

"What was that?" Link asked, quickly taking the sword back out of the pedestal and holding it ready to fight off attackers.

"I'll go check," said Midna, floating off outside. Link waited, ready for action. Then there was a shout.

"Link! Come see this, you're not going to believe it!" Link ran to where Midna was.

"What... OMG YES!" The statue was gone. "THAT'S all I had to do?"

"Looks like it! So... you don't want to quit anymore, do you?"

"Nope! Let's go!"


	18. Statue Phobia

_I was hoping the fear of statues would have some fancy name... but nope, it's just statue phobia. Goddamn it. I wanted to make you all look at the chapter title and think WTF does that mean? Statue phobia is too obvious for my liking._

_..._

Link blinked and looked around. He had stepped through the door frame, half expecting to fall out of the other side and have Midna laugh at him. But of course, this didn't happen and he was now in a strange room with two statues. He twitched.

"What's up?" Midna asked.

"Those statues... I hope there aren't going to be too many of them in this temple."

"Why not?"

"I don't like them... I'm probably going to end up having to move one of them. And it won't move. And then it'll be just like before except worse because it won't move no matter what..." Midna stared at him.

"Are you seriously attempting to get me to believe that you have been emotionally traumatised by a _statue?"_ Link shuffled his feet and said nothing. Midna sighed. "Look, I'm sure it won't be that bad."

"Yeah, I know. I'll just... I'll just have a little sit down and prepare myself, if that's alright."

"You what!" Midna yelled. Link ignored her and placed his sword in a conveniently placed pedestal, before sitting down. There was a rumbling sound and a set of stairs appeared out of nowhere. Midna looked at Link, who grinned.

"What, you actually believed me? I was pulling your leg, Midna!" He leapt to his feet and yanked the sword out of the pedestal. "I'm not really emotionally traumatised by statues!"

"Well that's good," said Midna, watching Link carefully, "because I think there are going to be a _lot _of them in there." Link paled slightly but ignored Midna's comment.

"Let's go then!" He walked towards the stairs, when two small shapes sped past him up the stairs. He stared at them.

"What was _that?"_

"I don't know! It really doesn't matter anyway, let's just get this done." Midna floated determinedly up the stairs, Link following closely behind her.

Link entered through the large door.

"Woah, this place is huge..." He murmured. Midna had to agree. The room was huge, and round. She looked around, then smiled evilly.

"Hey Link... look at that!"

"What?" Link followed her gaze. "Argh! I mean, aha! A... statue." The last sentence was said less than enthusiastically.

"Yes," said Midna gleefully. "Two statues! One either side of the door... oh wait! That's not right!" Link looked to the other side of the door, where there was a pedestal but no statue.

"There looks like there should be a statue there," he said doubtfully, "but there isn't. Turn me into a wolf for a second, I want to check this out." Midna obliged, and Link tuned his wolf senses, looking at the pedestal.  
"There's a ghost statue!" He yelped. "Turn me back, it's scary!" Midna handed Link the sword.

"A... ghost statue?" She asked despairingly. "Would you mind being a little more clear?"

"Well it was there, but it wasn't." Link said.

"I suppose that's the most I'm gonna get out of you," Midna sighed. "I guess that means we should find the statue and bring it here."

"WHAT? I'm not gonna go off running round this godforsaken place to find a _statue. _Everything HERE is a statue! And they all look the same! Plus that thing must weigh a tonne, how on earth do you expect me to haul it all the way back here? It's probably in the farthest corner of this temple!"

"That's cool. So what _do _you plan to do?" Midna asked. Link paused, thinking.

"... I have no choice, do I?"

"Nope."

"The two things I now hate most in the world," Link panted, "are spiders and statues." He had just fought off yet another hoard of mini spiders, as well as a couple of mutant bigger ones thrown in for good measure. "Oh, here comes another one..." He circled it warily before leaping in and slashing it with his sword. "Hopefully that was the last one," he muttered. "This place is like a museum, all statues, cobwebs and spiders."

"And giant scales," Midna added.

"What?" Midna pointed.

"Giant scales."

"Oh, THOSE giant scales!" Link climbed the stairs and looked at them. There was a small statue on each pan of the scales. Cautiously, he climbed onto the first pan. Immediately his side of the scales sank and the other pan was too high for him to climb up to.

"What? Oh, must be the statue I guess, those things weigh a tonne." He walked over and heaved the statue on his scale pan above his head. Groaning with the effort, he threw the statue at the other scale pan. It bounced off the rim and landed on his head, somehow not concussing him or giving him brain damage. Link swore and picked it up again, standing further back. This time he managed to land it on the scale pan.

"That should be more than enough weight," he commented as his pan began moving up. And stopped.

"What?" He yelled, astonished. "These scales must be jammed!" Midna was trying her best not to burst out laughing.

"There's... there's some more statues over there," she said, shaking with concealed laughter. Link looked up and saw three more of the statues sitting on the wall. He stood on tiptoes, pulling one down and staggering with it over to the scales. He threw it onto the second scale pan and climbed onto the first. Still he was heavier.

"But... but those statues weigh a tonne!" He said, despairingly.

"Mmmmph!" Said Midna, covering her mouth to stop herself laughing. Link picked up another statue and threw it. Still not enough. He picked up the final statue.

"I hope this works, there's no more statues!" He said, throwing the statue. This time the scale pan sank low enough for him to grab onto and climb up, although barely.

"Those statues weigh a tonne," he said sadly. "And it took five of them to not even equal my weight..." Midna burst out laughing. "It's not funny Midna! I'm... I'm really fat. I need to go on a diet."

"Yes. Of course." Giggled Midna as she sneakily removed the rock she had been using to jam the scales.

Link was still fussing about his weight when he reached the last room along the passage.

"What do you think though Midna? I mean I didn't think I was _that _fat..." he asked as he opened the door and went inside.

"I think you should pay attention to that suit of armour!" Midna yelled, pointing. Link looked to see a suit of armour wielding a massive sword advancing on him. The door locked itself.

"Argh! Miniboss!" Link drew his sword and faced the armour. "Is there a tactic for this one or is it just a straight on swordfight?"

"Work it out, how am I meant to know?" Midna snapped. Link shrugged and jabbed his sword at the armour. It blocked with its shield and took a swipe at Link, who leapt backwards out of the way.

"Epic swordfight it is then!" He swung at the armour, and it parried the blow with his sword. He kept slashing at the armour, who blocked and returned attacks. Then, Link leapt around its side and slashed at its exposed back. Several pieces of armour clattered to the ground.

"It's all rusty!" Link exclaimed. "That's a rubbish suit of armour!" The suit of armour growled and spun round, smacking Link with the sword. He fell to the floor and landed heavily.

"STOP MAKING PERSONAL COMMENTS!" The armour boomed.

"Woah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Link said defensively. "I'll just fight you to the death then." Suddenly, before the armour had a chance to do anything, he leapt to his feet, sword outstretched, jabbing the armour. Yet another piece of armour fell off and clattered to the floor. The armour staggered back, taken by surprise and Link continued his assault. With one final swing, he knocked the helmet off the armour's head. Underneath was a humanoid thing.

"Are you a vampire?" Link asked.

"Yes, and I'm in a very bad mood" snapped the vampire, and hurled the big sword at Link's head. Link ducked, and it buried itself into the wall. The vampire growled and pulled out a smaller sword from a scabbard at its side.

"Why did you have two swords?" Link asked.

"None of your business!" The thing suddenly stuck out a leg and kicked Link, making him fall backwards unprotected for a second.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Link complained as the vampire slashed at him.

"Tough cookies," growled the vampire, jabbing Link with the sword.

"What did I ever do to you? We could be friends!" Link asked, attempting to slice the vampire's head off.

"You woke me up!" Snarled the vampire. "I was having a nice nap and you _woke me up! _Plus, I've been demoted to a miniboss. All the other vampires get to be big scary bosses but nooooo, I've been demoted to a miniboss. I was the one who supplied the blood to make that creature the miniboss, but they just turn around and say he's the actual boss now and I'm just the miniboss. UNBELIEVABLE!_"_

"Hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... what's your name?"

"Carlisle," spat the vampire. "Carlisle Cullen. I adopted Edward as my son, and how does he repay me? BY MAKING ME A MINIBOSS!"

"I'm very sorry to hear of your demotion," Link said, trying to stab Carlisle in the heart. "But to be honest, whilst I've been looking for twilight mirror shards, most of the bosses haven't been vampires. Anyway, I hate to end the conversation like this but I've just fatally wounded you."

"What?" said Carlisle, looking down. Link took his opportunity and slashed at Carlisle until he fell to the floor. He hissed.

"Sneaky little git!" Then he began to sparkle. But something was odd. He seemed to be focussing his sparkles into a beam.

"Link! Get out the way!" Midna screeched. Link dived to the floor and Carlisle blasted the sparkly beam straight at where his head had been and exploded. Link stood up cautiously.

"Get down!" Midna yelled. Link ducked again as the beam ricocheted off something metallic and bounced back towards him. It hit the ground, scorching the floor and burning a crater the size of a football.

"What did that beam bounce off?" Link wondered, turning round. Then he screamed.

"What? What is it?" Midna demanded.

"Erm... nothing." Link muttered, walking over to the chest that had formed. Midna looked at the wall, mystified, then grinned.

"It wasn't that statue up there was it?" Link flinched at the word "statue".

"No..." He opened the chest and took out a long, fancy stick. "Da da da daaaaaa, it's a long, fancy stick. How fascinating. Now what am I meant to do with it? And how am I meant to get that statue down from up there?"

"Looks like a magic wand!" Midna said. Link grinned, and walked to the centre of the room.

"Abra kadabra!" He announced, waving the stick at the statue. A glowing orb flew from the stick into the statue, lighting it up. Link stared at it, surprised. "Well that was unexpected. So now what?" He tried gesturing to the side with the stick. Nothing happened.

"OK, so I have a long fancy stick that lights things up. What a useful thing to have." He turned and walked away. The statue followed him.

"ARGH! IT'S FOLLOWING ME!" Link shrieked, panicking. He ran towards the door. The statue ran after him. He stopped. The statue stopped.

"I think it lets you control its movements," Midna commented.

"Right..." Link waved the stick again, "abra kadabra," and the glowing orb flew back to his stick. He walked behind the statue and waved it again.

"Abra kadabra." The statue glowed again. "You can walk in front of me because I don't trust you," Link told it, walking forwards. The statue walked forwards at the same pace. They continued walking until the statue passed under the bell shaped object hanging from the ceiling. The statue stopped, and the bell glowed and descended, surrounding the statue. When the bell lifted, the statue was gone.

"Oy! That bell just nicked my statue!" Link cried.

"I think you'll find it's just teleported it somewhere else," said Midna.

"Oh. Right..."

Link guided the statue into its final position. There was a loud rumbling and the door opened. He ran through it, headlong into a spinny spiky thing and got thrown to the floor. Swearing, he stood up and looked around.

"What the hell!" The room was filled with spinny things, axes and daleks. Carefully, Link walked across, avoiding the spiked spinner. A laser beam fired, seemingly out of nowhere and sent him stumbling into the wall.

"Damn dalek!" He pulled out his bow and arrow and shot it in the eye. He aimed, and shot all of the other daleks in the room.

"Maybe NOW I can get across safely!" He grumbled. Sadly, this was not the case. He was hit several times by spiky things, and shot at by another dalek he hadn't noticed. Also, as he was jumping across a pit a giant axe swung out of nowhere and knocked him into the pit. This made him respawn at the beginning of the room, which he was _not _happy about. Eventually however, he managed to reach the door at the end of the room. He only had one heart left, but the important thing was that he had made it.

"How am I meant to face the boss now?" He screeched. "I have one heart! I'm gonna go in there and die in like, two seconds! What the heck is the point of this evil room here? Why couldn't it just be a normal room like it is in every other temple?"

"Well why don't you go back and find something to restore your health?" Midna asked. Link just looked at her, and she raised her hands defensively. "I'm sorry!" Link kicked one of the pots lining the side of the wall angrily, and it shattered. A heart fell out.

"Oh!" Link ran and picked it up, recovering slightly.

"Am I the only one," Midna asked the world in general, "who finds it slightly morbid that there are jars of hearts all over Hyrule? Whose hearts were they? Where did they come from?"

"Why should I care? They taste goooood," Link said, putting one in his mouth. Midna blanched.

"I think I'm gonna be sick. That's just disturbing." Link ignored her and smashed the next jar. A fairy flew out and his eyes lit up.

"Oooohh..."

"LINK! No, you can't!" Midna yelled. Link turned back to her, the tip of a wing sticking out of his mouth.

"Something wrong, Midna?" He asked innocently.

Link walked into the room. The first thing he saw was a giant statue. He shivered and tried to walk back out, but the door slammed and locked itself. He turned around and saw that there was not just one, but four. He began to shake violently.

"Midna, they're huge... and this is a boss room..."

"Well if they're the bosses you're just gonna have to face them, aren't you?" Midna said. "And win of course." Link said nothing, just got even paler. Then there was a scuttling sound. Link looked up.

"This... just gets better and better." He murmured faintly. Midna looked up. There was a giant spider scuttling on the ceiling, with a giant sparkling eye stuck in its back.

"Oh. Spiders and statues, your two least favourite things."

"Don't remind me..." Link muttered, pulling out his bow and arrow. He fired at the spider's giant eye, but it shut its eyelid at the last second and the arrow bounced off. The spider scuttled around on the ceiling. Link kept his bow trained upon it, and the second the giant sparkly eye opened he fired. The spider hissed and fell to the floor in front of one of the statues. After a small hesitation, Link ran over to it and hit it with his sword, which just bounced off.

"Huh? Its skin is like iron!"

"Well improvise! Use that statue!"

"What?"

"You've got that magic wand! Make it kill the spider!" Link pulled out the magic wand and waved it at the statue.

"Abra kadabra!" The ball of light flew into the statue and animated it. Link frantically waved it up and down.

"Kill it! KILL IT!" The statue raised its fist and smashed it down on top of the spider. The spider writhed and rolled over, running up the wall and glaring at Link with its giant eye. Link aimed his bow ready to fire again, but a huge beam of sparkles burst from the eye, scorching the floor and moving towards Link.

"What? It has a sparkle beam in its eye?" Link yelped, running from the deadly beam. Eventually the spider blinked and the beam stopped. It then jerked its abdomen and several gooey blobs fell from it. Link backed off as the blobs shook and several smaller spiders hatched from them.

"They're eggs!" Midna gasped. Link leapt and slashed at the spiders, killing several of them. A few managed to sneak behind him however, nipping at his leg. He stomped on one and cut the others in half. Finally, he jabbed at the survivors until none remained. Then he pulled out his bow and arrow and waited until the giant spider's eye opened. As it opened, the sparkly beam burst out of it again but at the same moment Link released his arrow. The beam stopped and the spider fell to the floor.

"Abra kadabra!" Link screamed, thrusting the stick at the statue. It sprang to life and thumped its fist down on the spider. The spider hissed and exploded in a mass of sparkles. Link smiled. But then the spider's giant sparkly eye began scuttling around. Link stared at it, surprised.

"That's odd." He leapt and stabbed it, and it exploded in sparkles.

"That's better," he smiled as a heart container formed and the shard of the twilight mirror floated down. "I can get out of here now. Out of this place filled with spiders and statues..." Dreamily, he stepped into the portal Midna had just made.

"Hey! You forgot these!" Midna yelled. Then she sighed. "Fine, I'll take them for you..." she picked up the heart container and the mirror and followed Link through the portal.


	19. Wild West ShootOut

_Sorry to be a pain, but..._

_REVIEWS PLEASE! (I'll give you cake...) :D_

_..._

Link took a step forwards.

"OW! Hey, watch it! You're on my tail!" A small voice shrieked.

"Oh, sorry." Link raised his foot and looked down. Looking up at him were two bizarre looking creatures. One of them looked like a chicken except with a small baby's head, and the other looked like a tiny egg-shaped baby's head with wings.

"That's ok!" Beamed the chicken-like one. "I forgive you as long as you agree to help us!"

"Oh!" Midna exclaimed. "Link, they were the things that ran past you into the temple!"

"Yes, that was us," said the chicken-like creature. "My name's Oocoo, and this is Oocoo Jr."

"Pleased to meet you!" Squeaked Oocoo Jr.

"Anyway, I'm surprised you haven't run into us before! We've been in all the temples you've been in, only you were too busy to notice that I was stuck in a pot!" Oocoo glared at Link.

"Uhmm... sorry..." Link muttered, not sure how to react.

"Like I said, we'll forgive you as long as you help us!"

"Ok... what do you want me to help you with?" Link asked. "And how?"

"We want you to help us get back home to the heavens, using the dominion rod you found in the temple!" Oocoo said happily.

"The heavens! That's where the last piece of the Twilight mirror is!" Said Midna.

"The... dominion rod? Do you mean this thing? Is that what it's called then?" Link asked, pulling out the magic wand. Oocoo, Oocoo Jr. and Midna all gasped.

"What did you do to it?" Link looked at it. It was brown and rusty, and the light had completely disappeared from the top of it.

"Huh, you broke it." Commented Oocoo. "Try and find a way to fix it, we'll get busy looking for the statues you can control with it. Bye!" She and Oocoo Jr. ran off.

"Well that was unexpected. I guess we'd better get going too then," Link said. But no sooner had he moved one step than a loud voice caught their attention.

"HEYY!"

"Is that who I think it is?" Asked Link. Sure enough, the postman came running into the grove.

"Letter for Mr Link!" He handed Link the letter and ran off.

"How on earth did he get in here?" Link said. "He would've had to get across that ravine, and then through the lost woods... and he's not armed at all..."

"He is the most resourceful postman I've ever come across," commented Midna. Link tore open the letter and read it.

"Apparently I need to go see Ilia, something about regaining her memory. Can you warp me to Kakario village please?"

"It's a total waste of time if you ask me, but alright," Midna grumbled, forming a portal.

Link ran into the house where Ilia was staying.

"Ah! Link! Come here, I need you to take this letter to Telma's bar. You know, the pub where you found Ilia originally."

"Why can't you use the postman?" Asked Link. "I came here to help Ilia, not deliver your letters!"

"Do it! Telma can help!"

"Fine. But she'd better help..." Link walked out of the house and turned to Midna.

"Looks like we're going back to castle town, Midna."

"I told you this was a waste of time..." Midna moaned, creating the portal.

Link ran into the bar.

"Hey, I was told to give you this letter..." he handed the letter to Telma. She read it for a couple of seconds, then smiled.

"I know exactly what to do to help get that girl's memory back! Take this to the doctor in town! Ilia stayed there for a while before she got here, and I think you might be able to find something to help you there!"

"Another letter? Give it to the postman!"

"No, you need to take it! I don't think the postman would have quite the same... effect."

"What are you on about you crazy woman," Link muttered crossly as he left the bar and walked to the doctors. He stormed in.

"Hey doc, I was told to give this to you..." He handed the doctor the letter. He read it, then stepped back a couple of paces fearfully.

"Please don't hurt me! Tell Telma I'll give her the money soon! Look, I would give you the carving that girl had with her but it got stolen!"

"What carving? How did it get stolen?" Link demanded. He didn't know what was written in that letter or why the doctor was acting so scared, and he didn't particularly care either. All he wanted was Ilia's memory back.

"I spilt medicine on it and put it outside to dry, then when I came back it was gone! I can't help you I'm afraid. Now please go away and tell Telma I'll pay her later." The doctor returned to his bench and continued working. Link walked away in disgust.

"So now what?" He asked Midna.

"Well can't you smell that?" Said Midna.

"Smell what?" Asked Link, sniffing the air. "Urgh. What _is _that smell?"

"He said he spilt medicine over the statue."

"Oh!" Link morphed into a wolf and sniffed the air, memorising the scent.

"NOW you get it," Midna sighed, rolling her eyes. Link ran towards the door, but at the last second a mischievous gleam appeared in his eyes. He walked slowly towards the still oblivious doctor, growling softly.

"Link, come on, we have more important things to do than scaring people!" Midna said. Link let out a bloodcurdling howl, standing right behind the doctor. The doctor didn't appear to hear a thing and continued working. Link pushed his face right up next to the doctor's and snapped at his ear. The doctor still didn't react. Midna sighed and grabbed Link by the ear, dragging him out of the place.

"He didn't even notice!" Link spluttered indignantly.

"Well that doesn't matter. Now track that statue!" Link obediently sniffed and ran off in the direction of the scent, Midna following close behind.

Link was too busy sniffing the air to watch where he was going, and smashed straight into a cat.

"Watch it!" The cat snarled.

"Sorry... oh hey, it's you!" Link said. It was the cat who had helped him get into Hyrule castle. "Thanks for your help before, by the way."

"You're welcome. What are you doing now? You seem in a bit of a hurry!" The cat asked.

"I'm trying to find a carving," Link said.

"Oh. A carving from the doctors by any chance?"

"Yes! Have you seen it?" Link asked eagerly.

"I nicked it. Sorry about that. But I don't have it now, these weird werewolf things beat me up and took it. You can go get it if you want but there's a whole pack of them to sort out so be careful. They're outside the southern exit of castle town."

"OK... I have one question." Link said.

"What?"

"Why would YOU want a carving? You're a cat."

"That's none of your business!" Hissed the cat suddenly, claws out.

"I'm sorry!" Link whimpered, and ran off. Midna followed.

"Chicken. I bet she just wanted to use it as a scratching post."

"Probably, but cats are scary when they're angry!"

"So are you gonna go fight these werewolves then?"

"Of course. That statue will help get Ilia's memory back!" Midna rolled her eyes and muttered something about a waste of time under her breath.

"Oy, werewolf losers! Give me that statue you stole!" Link screamed into the night. There was no response.

"You sure you're in the right place?" Asked Midna.

"The cat said the south gate!" Suddenly, something smacked Link in the side of his head, causing him to roll over sideways. He jumped to his feet but something swiped one of his legs out from underneath him, making him fall down again.

"Did you just call us... _losers?"_ a voice hissed, before claws raked across Link's back. Link lay there for a second, then suddenly flipped over and grasped his attacker with his claws, biting hard into it before throwing it to one side and pouncing on it. What he saw surprised him. It was not simply a werewolf, it was a skeleton werewolf.

"What you staring at?" It hissed, and threw Link off it before leaping at him. Link sidestepped it and smacked it hard with his paw. The skeleton rolled over and exploded into sparkles. Link watched with satisfaction until he felt bony teeth digging into his leg. He howled and spun round, catching two more skeleton wolves with his claws. They were thrown backwards a couple of paces and shook themselves before advancing cautiously. Link growled.

"Just give me back the carving you took," he snarled, "And I won't hurt you."

"You're the one who needs to worry about getting hurt," growled one of the werewolves. Link heard a twig snap behind him and whirled around just in time, grabbing the werewolf that had been sneaking up on him by its bony neck and hurling it at the others. It exploded into sparkles and the others flinched away. Link took his chance and leapt on one, tearing at it with his teeth and claws until it too exploded. The final werewolf managed to get a good grip on his leg with its teeth, and Link couldn't make it let go.

"Get off!" He howled in pain, shaking his leg.

"No!" The werewolf snapped, before realising that by replying he had let go of Link's leg. Link kicked him in the face, then picked him up and hurled him down the hill. He exploded into sparkles and a small wooden object fell to the floor. Midna transformed Link back into a human and he ran to pick the object up.

"This is the carving!" He announced, showing Midna a small wooden statue. "I'd best get this back to Ilia right away!"

"Alright, I'll warp you there," Midna said, forming a portal to Kakario village.

"Ilia! Look at this!" Link yelled, shoving the statue into her hands. There was an awkward silence.

"... and what is this meant to be?" Ilia asked. Link froze.

"Oh... you don't recognise it after all... well this is awk-"

"Oh no, wait! I remember!" Ilia said.

"You... you do?" Link asked excitedly.

"Yeah... I was trapped. And someone helped me escape. And they gave me this. They were talking about something called the rod of the heavens..."

"Cool! Where can I find this person and what do they look like?" Link asked.

"How am I meant to know?" Ilia snapped. "I've lost my memory!"

"Oh, sorry."

"Rod of the heavens?" Asked a goron who had been listening in. "There was a tribe who often talked about the rod of the heavens. They lived, and as far as I know still do live, in a secret village."

"Where is this village?" Link demanded.

"It was blocked by a rockfall." Link's face fell. "But don't worry! This isn't a problem for gorons like us! I'll mark it on your map, meet me there."

"Thanks!" Link said. "See you there!"

There was a loud crash. Epona reared up and ran away, throwing Link off her.

"Hey! Come back here you damn horse!" He yelled.

"There's no point, we're pretty much there now," Midna said.

"Oh... oh yeah." Link walked to the spot shown on the map. There was another loud crash that nearly made him jump out of his skin.

"What _is_ that?" He said, continuing walking. Then he caught sight of the goron. The goron raised his fist and smashed it into a rock, causing an even louder crash. The rock crumbled into pieces.

"Cleared the way for you!" The goron boomed. "Now, before you go in there, let me warn you; it's infested with vampires. There's about 20 of them or so, and they're all armed with bows and sparkle power arrows. If I were you, I'd get them before they see you. Shoot them right through the heart, understand?" Link nodded.

"So it's gonna be like a wild west shoot-out?"

"Exactly! Good luck." The goron left, and Link was left facing the entrance to the village. He cracked his knuckles and entered.

"Righty then," Link drawled. "Let's be a-shootin' these vampires then." Midna stared at him.

"What?" She grew even more confused when Link whipped two previously non-existent pistols from his belt. "No, seriously, WHAT? Are you trying to be like a cowboy or something? And what's with the pistols? Don't you know things like that don't exist in Hyrule?"

"Well, a'course I know that," Link drawled. "But ah felt the situation was a'callin' for it."

"Stop it Link. This is stupid. Just because he said it would be like a wild west shootout doesn't mean you have to act like a Sherriff. You're just being an idiot." Link ignored her and fired both pistols into the air before pulling out a cowboy hat. "LINK! Take that damn hat off, put those pistols away and start acting normally!" Link looked at her and saw she was serious.

"Alright," he sulked, removing the hat. "It was just a bit of fun. Why do you have to be such a killjoy?"

"Because you were looking like an idiot. And by firing those pistols into the air you've just alerted every vampire here of our presence."

"Oh. Oops..." Link muttered, before a sparkly arrow shot straight past his left ear. He dived behind a barrel, searching wildly for his attacker. He spotted her within seconds, a female vampire standing on the roof of a building.

"There you are," he muttered, pulling out his bow and arrows. As quickly as he could, he stood up and fired at the vampire, ducking back down as she returned fire with a bolt of sparkles. He heard a scream and a thump.

"I think I got her," he commented. "One down, 19 to go."

Half an hour later, Link had killed all but one of the vampires. Unfortunately, he was out of arrows and the last vampire was standing on top of a tall tower he had no hope of climbing.

"How on earth did he get up there?" He moaned.

"I don't know, but it looks like you're gonna have to go back for more arrows," commented Midna.

"Unfortunately, it does."

Link strolled confidently into the village, having left for about five minutes to find some more arrows.

"Let's go get that final vampire!" He announced triumphantly. However, his optimism fell flat when sparkly bolts came shooting at him from every direction, some hitting him and knocking him down to the floor. He ran and hid behind the barrel, peeking cautiously back at the village.

"WHAT? I killed that vampire a minute ago! And that one! In fact I killed all of them except one! Why are there suddenly loads?"

"We've been breeding!" Shouted back one of the vampires.

"That...that doesn't even make sense," Link muttered angrily.

"This is a video game," Midna reminded him gently. "Things don't make sense."


	20. ArSAY

_Hi again! Sorry it's been so long, I do have excuses... (Skyward sword, Christmas, college, skyward sword, Professor Layton, skyward sword, birthday... ) I'm afraid my next update probably won't be for a while either :P By the way, I can't remember exactly what happens at this bit because I haven't played for a while, so it might not be entirely accurate. _

_..._

Link fired an arrow triumphantly at the last vampire, who screamed as it hit her and knocked her off the platform.

"OMG, dat was well harsh, Edward Cullen iz gonna, lyk, ttlly avenj maii dethhhhhhhh! " She screamed, then burst into a puff of sparkles.

"What the hell was that meant to mean?" Link asked, completely mystified.

"She seemed to be a Twi-hard turned vampire," Midna commented.

"Twi-hard? What's that?" Link asked.

"They're generally girls aged around 12-18 who have very low intelligence, fantasise constantly about Edward Cullen or Jacob Black and seem to have an inability or reluctance to spell and pronounce things correctly. Be careful though, they can be deadly in swarms, especially if you insult Edward or Jacob in front of them! That's the main reason they're recruited, they make exceptionally loyal soldiers. There are two types, who call themselves Team Edward and Team Jacob and most of the time they spend fighting with the other team. Generally Edward lets Jacob take care of Team Jacob, for obvious reasons."

"They fight with eachother?"

"Not so much now there's a truce between vampires and werewolves. But if one team makes a comment about the other, a fight is sure to start."

"Hmm, this could be useful in the future..." Link said. A door opened, and he jumped.

"Are they all gone?" An old lady asked, peeking her head out.

"Yes, they're gone," Link said.

"Thank goodness for that! They were quite an earful, with their shrieking about Edward Cullen all day and night!" Link ignored this and pulled out the dominion rod.

"Is this the rod of the heavens?" He asked. The old lady adjusted her glasses.

"Why yes, yes it is! Just wait there a minute." She ran back inside, and came out holding a book, which she handed to Link. "I was told to give this to the person who bears the rod of the heavens." Link took the book.

"Da da da daaaaaa! Um, I mean, thank you!"

"Anytime. By the way, do you know the young girl who was here, Ilia?"

"Yes!" Link replied.

"Has her memory got any better?"  
"A little..." The old lady pulled a pendant out of her coat and handed it to Link.

"Show this to her, it might help. She was carrying it when she got here."

"Thank you!" Link said, pocketing the pendant.

"You should go now. Thanks for getting rid of those noisy kids!"

"Anytime!" Link said, waving goodbye as he exited the village.

Link cautiously approached Ilia.

"Um, Ilia? Would you take a look at this for a minute?" He handed her the pendant. She looked at it.

"Ah! I remember now! My memory has come back! Link, thank you!"

"Finally! I'm glad you're back to normal!" He said happily. Ilia handed him back the pendant.

"I made this as a present for you, before I got kidnapped. If you blow into it, it makes a sound like horse weed, so you can use it to call Epona whenever you need her!" Link smiled.

"Da da da daaaaaa!" He said.

"What?" Ilia asked, confused. Link clamped his hand over his mouth.

"I'm sorry! I meant to say, thank you Ilia! This'll be really useful!"

"You're welcome Link!" Link smiled and walked off. He was so busy looking at Ilia he didn't notice where he was going and fell down the ladder into the basement.

"Ow!" He yelped.

"Smooth," Midna commented as Link picked himself up.

"Is there someone else down here?" He asked. He could hear a faint noise, like somebody whistling.

"Why don't you go check?" Asked Midna.

"You're right." Link continued down the corridor, and saw a man standing by the owl statue that occupied the basement.

"Link! Good to see you! I'm investigating these owl statues, apparently they have a connection to the sky!"

"That's... nice." Said Link, not sure how to respond. Suddenly a brainwave hit him. "A connection to the sky? Do you know anything about this?" He handed the man the book he had been given by the old lady. The man scanned the book.

"Do you have any idea what this is? It's ancient manuscripts from the sky! Some of the letters are missing though..." Link looked and saw there were gaps in the words.

"Hey, no peeking!" The man said, snatching the book away.

"But it's my book..." The man ignored him.

"That word there is still whole though! You know, if we say it, the statue might respond somehow!" The man said, getting excited.

"What word is it?" Link asked. The man once again ignored him, instead turning to face the statue, staring at it as if that would somehow make it respond. He raised the book, his eyes still locked on the statue, taking in every detail. Then, in a loud, clear, dramatic voice, he pronounced the word that could activate the statue.

"Arse."

Link and Midna burst out laughing. The statue did nothing.

"What? It didn't work? Maybe I pronounced it wrong..." Whilst he continued to face the statue, trying to find different ways to pronounce the word "arse", Link and Midna turned away.

"Maybe this was a waste of time," Link murmured. "I thought we were onto something when he started talking about the sky." Then, the dominion rod appeared right in front of his eyes, glowing.

"What..." The rusted rod appeared to shimmer and change to how it had been when he had first found it. The rust cracked and fell off and a glowing orb appeared at the top.

"The dominion rod! It's fixed!" Link crowed.

"I guess the word "arse" must have some divine power after all!" Giggled Link. He turned to see the man still trying to make the statue react.

"Ar-SAY!" Link grinned and waved the dominion rod at the statue. It glowed with life and jumped off its pedestal, revealing a room behind it. The man shouted and leaped out the way.

"Ar-SAY! Ar-SAY! Link, I've done it! The word was "ar-SAY!""

"Yes... yes, it must've been!" Giggled Link. He followed the man into the room behind the statue. Inside was a huge metal contraption.

"Is... is this what I think it is?" The man screamed with joy, and ran to examine the device.

"What is it?" Asked Link.

"It's a sky cannon! People used to use them to fire themselves up to the sky! It doesn't look like it's working at the moment, but I'm sure there's someone who could fix it!" Link gasped.

"Excuse me for a minute!" He ran out of the room before talking to Midna. "Did you hear that Midna? If we can get that fixed, we can go find the next mirror piece in the sky!"

"Yes! But we need to get him out the way first," Midna said, gesturing at the man. "I don't want him seeing me. Who is he anyway? He seemed to know you."

"I actually have no idea," muttered Link. "I don't want to ask his name because it'd be embarrassing."

"Oh. Well you find a way to get him out of there, then we can move this cannon somewhere else and get it fixed!"

"Ok!"

Link re-entered the room. "So, that's a pretty cool cannon, huh?"

"Yes! I'm gonna stay here and study it all year!" The man crowed. "If you agree to go get me food, I won't even have to leave this room!" Link blanched.

"Umm... wouldn't that be a little uncomfortable for you?"

"No, no! I could get bedding and stuff brought in, I could even LIVE here if I wanted!"

"Uhh, that's a great idea... but don't you have anything more interesting to be doing?"

"No way! This is the most interesting thing I've found in my entire life! Apart from that book you have there, but that's got all the letters missing so I can't read it. But... waaaait a second..."

"What?" Link asked eagerly.

"Could I ask you a massive favour? There are other owl statues like this one out there... I think if someone visits each one, there may be a clue to finding the missing letters... so please, Link, will you do this for me? Will you visit the statues and fill in the missing letters? If you do that, I can study something even more interesting in the comfort of my own home!"

"Of course! I'd be happy to help!" Link said eagerly.

"Thank you!" The man said, handing him the book. "I'll mark the position of the statues on your map!" When this was done, Link walked out.

"I'll be back before you know it!" He promised.

Link ran out of sight, then produced a pen from mid air and began scribbling in the book, giggling. Midna watched.

"Aren't you going to go find those statues?" She asked.

"Waay too much effort," chuckled Link. "That mad old goat won't notice until it's too late. I mean, come on, he believed the word "arse" had magical properties!" Midna looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, so mature!" The book was now filled with profanities. Link giggled and shut the book.

"Let's go return it to our friend!" He ran back to the room with the sky cannon in, struggling not to laugh.

"I've finished!" He announced.

"Really? That was quick! I never knew anyone could get round 375 statues that fast!"

"I erm... I have a fast method of transport!" Link said quickly, handing him the book and guiding him to the door. "Now why don't you go home and study this..." But it was too late. The man opened the book. There was a long silence.

"Well... the ancient sky people certainly seem a little... foul-mouthed..." said the man slowly.

"That's... what I thought," Link said weakly.

"But then again, that's probably just our modern interpretation of these words! Like ar-SAY, these are probably pronounced completely differently! This will keep me occupied for hours, trying to work out how to pronounce these! I can't thank you enough Link!"

"Anytime!" Link smirked as the man left the room. "Quick Midna, let's go."

"Where should I take us?" Midna asked.

"Lake Hylia. Hopefully the guy there can fix the cannon." Link waited until Midna had opened up a portal and taken herself, Link and the cannon through it before collapsing onto the floor and howling with laughter.


	21. The Winged Werewolf Family Reunion

_Sorry I haven't updated for ages... college and exams etc etc, basically a load of rubbish I don't want to do but have to. By the way, I'm not sure if I've already told you this, but I PROMISE to complete this fanfiction. I barely ever go on here anymore but I've promised to myself (and you lot now) that I'd finish at least this last one fanfiction. It might take ages (several years potentially 0.o) but I'm gonna do it, OK? Wooooow this is a long chapter._

_..._

"So we have the cannon... now we just need to get it fixed!" Midna said. She floated up and examined the cannon. "Aha! Looks like a pretty easy job if you ask me, you just need to..." she faded away as she realised Link was ignoring her, being deep in conversation with the owner of the cannon in the middle of the lake.

"So this is your cannon? And it needs fixing?" The man asked.

"Yeah, you're good with cannons! Could you fix it for me?" Link burst out. Midna poked him in the back.

"It's OK Link, I've had a look at it and there's one screw missing. That's it. You could do it yourself in about 2 minutes, no need to waste this guy's time..."

"Oh no no, it certainly wouldn't be a waste of my time, quite the contrary! But I'd be losing out on business, plus I'd need the parts... I'd have to charge a small fee of course..." the man said slyly. Link smiled and nodded.

"Well that seems reasonable, how much would we be talking?"

"LINK!" Midna yelled. "Didn't you hear me? You could do the repair yourself, for free!" Link turned to Midna.

"Look Midna, no offence, but what do you know about cannons?"

"Quite a lot actually, I..."  
"That's right, nothing." Link interrupted. "This guy here is an expert on cannons. I'd rather trust him to do the job than do it myself. You've probably missed something vital."

"I..." Midna began, but the cannon man interrupted her.

"Listen to your friend here," he said smoothly. "Even from this distance I can tell that that cannon is in quite a state. You obviously haven't been very thorough in your checking over it. Looking at it, I'd expect the repair cost to be round about 20000 rupees, give or take..." Midna was shocked to see Link nodding in agreement.

"What? Link, he's ripping you off! Tell him no!"

"Midna, he's talking sense, look at the thing! It's practically falling apart!"

"Well at least haggle!"

"Nah, by the look of it 20000 rupees is a fair price!" Link replied.

"Fine, it's your money. But I'm telling you now, you're getting ripped off!" Midna replied, then floated off to sulk. The cannon man turned to Link and smiled as he handed him a bulging pouch of rupees.

"Excellent. You've made a wise decision! Now let's get started."

Five minutes later, the man was done.

"Is that it?" Link asked doubtfully.

"Yeah, it's all done! Just needed an extra screw! Thanks for that, cheerio!" The cannon man walked off whistling, and Link stood there, frozen with rage. Midna floated over.

"Now, what's that phrase again? Oh yeah, _I told you so..."_

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed Link as he flew through the air. His screams stopped abruptly as he splashed into a pool of water. He floated to the top of the water, spluttering and gasping.

"At least it's a soft landing," commented Midna. Link glared at her. He still blamed her for not persuading him to fix the cannon himself. Suddenly, there were two smaller splashes behind Link. He turned around to see Oocoo and Oocoo Jr. floating in the water.

"We're homeeeee!" Squeaked Oocoo Jr.

"Yes yes, we're home!" Said Oocoo. "Thanks Link, we needed that sky cannon fixed to get back!"

"Um, cool..." Link said, unsure of how to reply.

"Well, I'll see you around! Watch out by the way, apparently there's a winged werewolf causing havoc around here! You're going through temples, there's one that way," she pointed to a large building. "Anyway, bye!" The strange creatures swam to the edge of the pool, climbed out, and ran off.

"Well... that was odd." Link commented. "At least they got home. And told us where the temple was."

He climbed out of the water pool and began walking towards the temple along a small walkway. If he looked off the sides, he could see nothing but clouds. It made him feel dizzy just glancing.

"AHHHH!" He screamed as a sudden gust of wind blew him sideways towards the edge. Frantically, he tried to resist it but it was so strong it carried him off the edge where he fell, screaming to the clouds below.

Link reappeared in the pool, flashing and minus a heart. Swearing and complaining, he extracted himself from the pool and put on his heavy boots, stomping towards the temple. Although they stopped him being blown off the edge, they also slowed his movement. After about an hour, he reached the temple gates and entered, removing the boots.

"About time too," Midna commented quietly.

After 10 minutes, Link had already decided he didn't like this temple. There were blocks that dropped into space if he stayed on them too long, huge gaps in the floor that could only be traversed by grabbing one of whatever species Oocoo was from their nest, taking a running jump with them and holding on for dear life while they flapped their tiny stubby wings, slowing his descent only a little, and random gusts of wind that forced him to put his heavy boots on. And what's more, a flying werewolf was coming straight at him.

"Link!" Midna yelled. "A flying werewolf is coming straight at you!" Link snapped out of his self pitying thoughts and threw himself to the ground, hoping the creature wouldn't see him. The werewolf landed on the bridge and let loose a blood curdling roar, slamming its fists into the floor. The bridge cracked, and the werewolf took off as it crumbled and fell to pieces. With another ear-drum bursting roar, it swooped out of sight. Link got to his feet and looked glumly at the remains of the bridge.

"Looks like that route is out."

"Say Link," Midna said thoughtfully. "That werewolf looked a lot like Wesley, do you reckon it's a relative?"

"That werewolf was about 10 times the size of Wesley! And a lot less friendly!" Link said. Midna went quiet, obviously thinking about something. Link continued walking.

After 10 minutes Link reached a dead end.

"Well that's just perfect. Now where am I meant to go?"

"Look up," Midna suggested. Link looked up to see a large spherical metal cage dangling above his head.

"What's that meant to be, a disco ball?" He looked down. Several of the Oocoo creatures were shuffling around the floor with jerky movements. "They certainly look like they're dancing."

"I don't know what it is, but it looks like you could clawshot onto it!"

"What good would that do?" Link complained, but as he had no other ideas he decided to try it. He fired at the disco ball, and was left dangling in the air.

"Now what?" His question was answered as the disco ball sank slightly under his weight. Lights started flashing from the sides of the room and loud blaring music began to play. The Oocoos clucked excitedly and began dancing.

"Well, looks like it IS a disco ball." A huge gust of air started blowing up from the centre of the room. Link looked at it.

"Ah... I see what to do." He dropped down, grabbed one of the Oocoo, and leapt into the gust of air. It carried him up, and along with this boost and the Oocoo's wild flapping he drifted leisurely over to the door on the other side of the room.

"Perfect!" He said. Then he felt something warm and sticky land on his head. "Oh god... don't tell me that THING has just pooed on my head?" Midna sniggered. Link groaned and threw the Oocoo to the floor, removing his hat to look at the damage.

Link was still muttering about the damage to his hat when he walked, or rather _fell, _into a room. He swore.

"Well how do I get out? My clawshot doesn't reach that far!" That was the least of his worries however, as a dark shape swooped into the room and hovered over his head. He looked up. At first, ridiculously, he thought it was Wesley but a closer examination of the werewolf revealed that its fur was slightly darker and much glossier. It wasn't the werewolf that had smashed the bridge earlier, but it looked almost as dangerous if nowhere near as big. Link drew his sword as the werewolf howled, brandishing a sword and shield. His eyes were drawn to the shield. It had a small loop on it which, if he played it right, could be used to his advantage. Link drew his clawshot and fired it at the loop. The werewolf dodged and growled, raising its sword and shield ready to charge. Link fired again and the clawshot hooked onto the loop, yanking the werewolf out of the air and slamming it into the ground. Link took his chance and slashed at the creature, which was apparently stunned from the impact. As his sword hit it, it came to its senses and leapt up, parrying one of Link's blows with its own sword.

The two regarded eachother for a second, before the werewolf darted forward and jabbed Link with the sword. Link fell to the floor and the werewolf took off, swooping out of a large hole in the wall.

"Is it gone?" Asked Link, getting to his feet.

"No! Behind you!" Link turned round just in time to be knocked down by the werewolf's charge. It hovered over him as he got to his feet, before swooping out of another hole in the wall. Link looked. There were several large holes, and each one opened out into empty sky. It must have flown round the room and came in behind him. He raised his clawshot, scanning the holes for a clue of which one it was coming through next. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw it enter and raise its sword and shield. Link spun around and fired his clawshot, catching the creature by surprise as it fastened to its shield and pulled it to the ground. Link attacked it with his sword until it transformed into a young boy and leapt to its feet.

"Leave me alone! You're... you're so mean!" The boy snivelled, then turned back into the werewolf and flew back out of a hole. Link watched him go, making sure this time he really was gone.

"That one looked a bit like Wesley too, except a lot younger" Midna commented. "Even its human form looked a bit like him."

"Hmm..." Link said. A chest appeared suddenly, and he opened it.  
"Awww! I've already got one of these!" He complained, throwing the new clawshot to the floor. Midna looked at it.

"A second one would be useful too you know..."

"No it wouldn't! What can I do with 2 clawshots that I can't do with one?"

"You could hook onto something then hook onto another without letting go..." Midna suggested. Link brightened.

"Ohhh yeah..." He picked up the second clawshot and smiled.

"This is awesome! I feel like spiderman!" Link whooped as he shot one clawshot at a pillar, held on, and shot the other at a new pillar.

"Told you it'd be useful!" Midna said. "By the way, you do know that pillar you're on is falling, don't you?"

"What? AAAHHH!" Link screamed as he fell.

Link dragged himself along.

"Come on, cheer up. We're nearly there!" Midna encouraged.

"Yes, but there's the little matter of that giant flying werewolf..." Link muttered. A bloodcurdling howl filled the air and Link looked up. Not one but two winged werewolves were hovering above his head. They were similar in appearance to the one he had fought earlier. They both raised their heads and howled in unison. Link sighed and raised his sword.

"Come on then," he sighed wearily.

Finally, one of the werewolves transformed back into a young girl and burst into tears.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled at Link. The other werewolf landed and transformed into a slightly older girl.

"Leave her alone! What did she ever do to you?"

"Tried to kill me?" Link retorted.

"You're just a bully! Come on Wendy, let's go tell mummy." The older girl snapped. The younger one, Wendy, snivelled and dried her eyes.

"Mummy will beat that nasty bully up!" The two transformed into werewolves and flew out of the room. Link was speechless.

"... a bully? After they came at me with swords and tried to kill me? I'm gonna have a word with their mother!"

"I think she's gonna want a word with you too... after all, you have just beaten up three of her kids..." Midna muttered. Link grumbled away to himself and began ascending the room using his clawshots.

Finally, he reached the top.

"Ugh... it's so high!" He said queasily as he looked down.

"You've gotta go higher still!" Midna teased. Link gulped and clawshotted up to a large platform with four large pillars. He walked across and stood in the centre.

"Mummy werewolf!" He yelled. "I want a word with you!" A middle aged woman walked out from behind one of the pillars, snarling.

"What do you want?" She growled. Link could see she was aching to transform, as her mouth kept growing fangs every few seconds, and claws kept popping in and out of her fingers. She was also wearing a suit of armour that had a strange shimmering quality to it.

"It's your children," Link said, his mouth dry. "They've been... misbehaving!" It was then he noticed the leash around the werewolf's neck. From behind the pillar, out walked the vampire holding the leash.

"Misbehaving? Oh Wanda, surely your little darlings would never do such a thing!" The vampire said smoothly. "That boy must be lying to you. He probably attacked the poor children!" Wanda stiffened. A low growl erupted from her throat.

"If you've touched my children," she growled, "I swear..."

"Never mind that, look! Here come your children now, all nice and safe!" said the vampire. "Maybe you can ask them what happened." Link looked, and saw the three winged werewolves he had fought earlier flapping towards him.

"Uh oh... murmured Midna. "This isn't good..." The vampire smiled and walked closer to Link.

"Now Wanda is occupied with her little babies, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Esme Cullen. You're Link, aren't you? Edward told me about you. He said you're looking for the Twilight mirror. But you're not going to get it, because I've got it! And in order to get it you'll have to go through me _and _Wanda. Plus, after what Wanda's kids have said to her, I don't think she'll be best happy with you..."

"Mummy!" One of the child werewolves yelped. "That nasty man beat me up!"

"And me!" Sobbed one of the others.

"Me too!" Cried the third. Wanda roared and transformed. The suit of armour transformed with her, changing shape until instead of fitting a human, it fit the massive winged wolf Wanda had become. Esme smiled at Link, then ran to jump on Wanda's back.

"Have fun!" She shrieked as Wanda took to the air. Link quickly put on his heavy boots as the gusts from Wanda's massive wings threatened to blow him off the edge.

As soon as the danger of being blown off had passed, Link removed the boots and ran to one of the pillars. Just as he had thought, one side of it was completely covered in a metal grill that he could use his clawshot to grip onto. He fired it into the pillar, pulling himself high up. Clinging on with one hand, he fired his other clawshot at the pillar next to it. From there he climbed onto the top and stood there, waiting for Wanda to attack and wondering how best to defend himself. The werewolf swooped down and hovered in front of him, growling. Link scanned her desperately, looking for something he could use against her. And found something. The leash Esme was using to control Wanda was connected to a collar fixed around her neck. Link raised the clawshot and aimed carefully before firing. The clawshot snapped shut around Wanda's collar, and Link was dragged off the top of the pillar. Wanda thrashed around, trying to dislodge Link but he held on firmly and put on his heavy boots. The wolf's massive wings faltered and she flapped frantically, trying to remain aloft but the extra weight was too much and she was dragged to the ground, hitting it hard.

Several chunks of her armour broke and fell off and Link ran off, once again beginning to scale the pillars. He reached the top and once again faced Wanda. As he fired his clawshot however, Wanda dodged out of the way. Esme smiled from the werewolf's back and placed a sparkly hand onto Wanda's neck. Wanda shivered, absorbing the sparkle power.

"What are they doing?" Asked Midna. Her question was answered as the werewolf opened her mouth and blasted sparkle power at Link. The blast barely missed, grazing Link's elbow and setting part of his tunic alight with sparkling flames. Link ignored this and once again fired at Wanda's collar, this time hitting it and again he was dragged off the pillar, quickly equipping his heavy boots. Wanda was once again dragged to the ground. This time all of her armour shattered from the impact. Wanda roared and charged at Link. Totally unprepared, Link was knocked over by the massive werewolf. She growled, pounced on Link, and then leapt off his chest straight up into the air. Link lay on the ground, in complete agony. Wanda opened her mouth to fire another sparkling blast but Link forced his aching muscles up and clawshotted a pillar. He began scaling them as before, but this time Wanda came and hovered next to him. She opened her mouth and fired a massive sparkly stream directly at Link. It hit him full on, and he fell to the floor covered in sparkling flames.

Wanda landed and padded over to him, placing a massive paw on his neck and snarling. Esme leapt daintily off the werewolf's back and stood next to her.

"I was going to kill him Wanda, but I suppose I'll let you. Seeing as he attacked your children!" Wanda roared in approval.

"Wait..." Link gasped. "Before you kill me, I have to know one thing... do you know Wesley?" Wanda froze.

A low growl began in her throat.

"Where did you meet Wesley?" She growled.

"Never mind Wesley, Wanda!" Esme said hastily. "He's dead, remember? I know it was sad, but you've really got to..."

"Dead? Wesley isn't dead!" Midna interrupted.

"We were with him just a couple of days ago!" Link yelled. Wanda turned to look at Esme.

"They're... they're lying!" Esme stuttered.

"No we're not! Let me up and I'll show you!" Link said.

"Don't let him up!" Esme snapped. Wanda glared at Esme and removed the paw from Link's neck. The three baby werewolves leapt around in glee as Link stood up.

"Gonna see Wesley!"

"Yay Wesley!"

"Wesley is still alive!"

"This had better be true!" Growled Wanda. Link looked at Midna.

"Turn me into a wolf, please." Midna obliged.

"No!" Esme growled, and shot a bolt of sparkle power at Link. It never hit him. Wanda stepped into its path and the bolt hit her. Her fur stood up on end and she emitted a small whimper, but other than that it had no effect. Effortlessly, she knocked Esme to the ground and stood on her.

"Carry on..." she commanded Link. Link howled the tune that Wesley would respond to. Nothing happened.

"See? He's lying!" Esme yelled. "Now kill him and get off me!" Wanda turned to Link, a furious look in her eyes, when she pricked up her ears. Link's sensitive wolf ears could hear it too, a faint wingbeat. The werewolf children fell silent and stared up at the sky.

"Hey Midna, hey Link, what's up?" Wesley said cheerfully as he descended. "How're you all... Oh! Mum!"

"Wesley! You're alive!" Wanda cried, and transformed back to her human form to run and hug him.

"Yaaaaay! Wesley!" The children shrieked, and also ran to hug him. Esme got to her feet, smiling evilly.

"Well, you may have persuaded the werewolf. But now they're all happy and reunited, you've got nobody to defend you. And you're in no fit state to fight me." It was true. After being trampled and blasted with sparkle power, Link could barely move. Esme raised her arm, which began to glitter.

"I'll deal with them later." Just as she was about to blast Link with sparkle power, there was a roar and Wanda leapt into Esme, knocking her away from Link.

"Get off me you stupid creature! Ugh, werewolves are so dumb!" Esme shrieked, shooting bolts of sparkle power at Link. None of them hit.

"You told them all I was dead! After you chased me away because I wouldn't do what you told me to!" Yelled Wesley.

"You told us to go fight that nice man over there!" Snivelled a werewolf kid. "You told us he was going to hurt mummy!"

"So it was YOUR fault they got hurt!" Wanda roared, grasping Esme's arms and flying into the air.

"No! It was him!" Esme screamed, struggling. Wanda ignored her and flew straight up, higher and higher..." Midna watched with interest.

"Looks like this has all turned out alright then, eh?" She said as Wanda dropped Esme. She landed and began glittering.

"Get under cover!" Link warned, as Esme exploded with a final burst of sparkle power that singed the werewolves' fur.

Link walked over and picked up the final fragment of the Twilight mirror.

"So, we've done it!" He said. "This is the last fragment!"

"Yeah!" Midna said. "Now all we need to do it take it back to the mirror chamber in the desert!"

"Want a lift back there?" Wesley asked. "We can take you!" Link froze, remembering the last time Wesley had flown him places.

"Nah, it's fine, we'll make our own way there thanks!"


	22. Glow

_Yeah, this isn't the best chapter ever... but it's alright I think Probably won't be putting up any more chapters for a while due to exams._

_..._

Link looked at the fragments of the Twilight mirror.

"So now we go to the Twilight? And... finally get to make my sword shiny?" He said. Midna smiled.

"Yes Link." She produced the mirror fragments, which hovered above the mirror stand before zooming in to join with the first. There was a flash of sparkles and Link looked away. When he looked back, the mirror was glowing with sparkles and projecting a pattern onto the wall. Midna floated over to it.

"You know, it wasn't always this sparkly..." she said wistfully. "It used to be beautiful in the Twilight. But then came the Twi-hards who also enjoyed Legend of Zelda, they began to mix the two fandoms. The Twilight realm became filled with vampires and werewolves, simply because the fans thought it would be appropriate. Everything was covered in sparkles. So when we go through, don't think that this is what my world is like. It's not." Link nodded, unsure of what to say.

"Wasn't there a fight or something? To make the vampires go, I mean. Surely the king or queen or someone put up a fight and at least tried to make them leave?"

"Well, the Princess of Twilight tried. She fought to defend the Twili, who are the _true _inhabitants of the Twilight realm. But Bella Cullen joined the fight and... she defeated the Twilight Princess and took the throne for herself. She now rules over the Twilight realm whilst Edward Cullen is focussing on taking this world for himself." Midna sighed.

"Wow..." Link murmured. "So where do you fit in in all of this, Midna? I bet you're gonna tell me you're the Twilight Princess herself!" He joked.

"Well..." Midna began.

"That'd be ironic, wouldn't it!" Link chuckled. "You here helping me, all because you're the... oh..." He faded away as he noticed the look on Midna's face.

"_Was,_" she said quietly. "I _was _the true Twilight Princess."

There was a long awkward silence.

"You were?" Link said. "You fought Bella Cullen...?"

"I tried to beat her, but she was too powerful. She changed me to this useless imp, so I ran. I abandoned my people..." Midna said. "There was always a legend of the Twili, that if a disaster happened, a hero would appear in the form of a wolf. At first I thought it would be a werewolf as that seemed the only possible explanation, but then I saw you being dragged into the Twilight and change into a wolf."

"A werewolf?" Link asked. "It could never have been a werewolf though! They're from Twilight, they wouldn't help destroy their own fandom!"

"You say that," said Midna, "But believe it or not Twilight is not the only place vampires and werewolves exist. In fact, I thought I knew who the hero was before I saw you."

"Really?"

"I'll be honest Link; before I saw you I thought the hero would be Wesley." Link burst out laughing.

"Seriously? Wesley?"

"Nobody knows which fandom the winged werewolves came from. They may have originated in Legend of Zelda, or, more likely, some author somewhere created that species for their own story-writing purposes. Maybe a fanfiction or something. But anyway, Wesley seemed the most likely candidate. But when I saw you, I was 100% certain you were from Legend of Zelda so I knew you must be the hero. I have a confession to make Link, at first I didn't care at all about this world. I only wanted the Twilight restored to how it was, even at the expense of this world. I thought I could just use you, I'm sorry. But now I see that this world needs saving too. So thank you Link. And..."

"Wait," Link said. "I have a confession to make too."

"Go ahead," Midna said, mystified as to what it could be.

"When you told me about the situation... I didn't care either. I just... I just wanted a shiny sword." He said solemnly. Midna sighed.

"Is that it? Surprisingly enough Link, I've known that for a while now."

"You... have?" Link asked. "Oh. Well I guess that was pointless telling you then."

"No, it's always good to come clean!" Midna said. "So then, now we've confessed everything, shall we go?"

"Ok." Link stood by the mirror and walked forwards. The beams of light emitting from the mirror formed a bridge that was somehow sparkly and shiny at the same time and stretched across the room into the wall. Link swallowed and walked along the bridge into the wall, entering the mysterious Twilight realm.

The second Link entered he came face to face with a vampire. Shocked, he drew his sword ready for combat.

"No Link, wait!" Midna said. "This is a Twili. Bella... must have changed the poor thing." The vampire let out a sad wailing sound. Midna sighed unhappily and looked away. "There's nothing we can do yet. Once we've killed Bella the curse should be lifted. Let's go." Link nodded and looked around. The Twilight realm was filled with an eerie half-darkness, with strange sparkling flecks floating around in the air. One of these flecks brushed Links arm and he jumped back.

"They sting slightly," Midna commented. "They won't do you any serious damage though. It's just leftover sparkle power."

"Ok," said Link and continued walking. He reached the door and opened it, entering the castle.

"Link!" Midna hissed suddenly. Link ignored her and continued walking, straight into a sparkling cloud. His sword clattered to the floor as he dropped to all fours and morphed into a wolf.

"What was that?" He yelped.

"It's sparkle power, but it's not designed to kill or harm. Just to change you into your wolf form."

"Permanently?" Link gasped.

"No... just get out of the cloud and I can change you back. Bella knows this isn't going to defeat us, she's just toying with us. And possibly trying to weaken us before we fight her." Midna replied. Link walked out of the other side of the cloud and Midna handed him his dropped sword, changing him back into a human. He thanked Midna and walked through the next door. Midna gasped.

"Link, a sol!" Across the room from them was a shadowy hand clamped around a glowing ball. Link approached it carefully.

"This is what will make my sword shiny?" Midna nodded, and Link leapt for the sol. However before he made it, a sparkling barrier appeared in front of him and he smashed into it.

There was a flash, and an apparition of Bella Cullen appeared right next to Link.

"I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work!" She said. Link whirled round and slashed at her, but the apparition vanished and reappeared on the other side of the room. It raised its hands and a sparkling ball enveloped them before exploding into about twenty glittering bats which swarmed Link. He swung his sword, ignoring the painful nips and tiny claws scrabbling at the back of his neck. Several of the bats exploded into sparkles, but another one flew straight into his face, startling him backwards. He stabbed at the creature, killing it instantly, and looked around for the apparition. He saw it and ran, stabbing at the phantom.

"You'll never win," Bella said, fading from view and releasing a massive sparkling cloud. The barriers faded and Link ran to the sol.

"It's... soo... shiny!" He tried tugging it from the giant fingers holding it, but they wouldn't budge.

"Hmmm..." He struck it with his sword. The hand released its grip and went limp, dropping the sol to the floor. Link picked it up.

"So how do I make my sword shiny?"

"You need two of them... take this one to the exit."

"Alright," Link grumbled, carrying the sol to the centre of the room. As he walked towards the sparkling cloud, it shimmered and vanished revealing a small hole in the floor.

"Looks like you're gonna have to put the sol in there," Midna said. Link frowned and placed the sol in the hole, reluctant to part with it even for a second. The glow from the sol intensified and spread out, solidifying into a set of stairs. Link walked up the stairs and then froze. Something was moving behind him. He spun around to see the hand that had been holding the sol floating slowly towards it.

"It's trying to get it back!" Midna yelled. "Quickly Link!" Link grabbed his clawshot and fired it at the sol.

"You leave my Glow alone!" He yelled. The claws closed around the sol and the chain retracted, moments before the hand dropped down to reclaim the shining orb. Link grabbed it as the clawshot pulled it to him. The hand changed course and began moving towards him.

"Run," Midna advised. Link did not need to be told twice and fled through the door, slamming it behind him.

Link fled the building, closely followed by the shadowy hand. Only when he was outside did he dare catch his breath.

"It tried to steal my Glow! Poor Glow!" He said, upset.

"You've named it Glow?" Midna asked incredulously.

"I've named _HER _Glow!" Link corrected. "I thought it suited her glowing personality and..."

"On second thoughts, never mind," Midna said hastily. "Could you do something for me? I need you to take it to the Twili. The shiny power should expel the sparkle power from their bodies and cure them of their vampirism!"

"As long as they don't try and steal her, fine!" Link said. He cautiously approached one of the Twili-turned vampires, and held out the sol. The Twili stretched out its arms towards the sol, and Link snatched it back and drew his sword.

"Stay away!"

"LINK! Cure it! Now!" Midna snapped. Watching the Twili very carefully, Link held out the sol again. The Twili made a groaning sound. Link watched as the vampire fangs retracted and the Twili's body elongated until it stood tall over Link, bearing no resemblance to a human whatsoever. The Twili looked at its hands and made another groaning sound.

"It's saying thank you," said Midna. "Let's go cure the others!"

When Link had cured the last Twili of vampirism, he returned to where he had entered the Twilight realm.

"Am I gonna have to run off with the other sol with a hand chasing me too?" He asked.

"I'm afraid so," said Midna. Link sighed.

"How am I meant to carry two of these things? And there's nowhere else to go..."

"Try putting it down there," Midna said, pointing to a small indent in the floor. Link hugged the sol close to his body.

"But if I leave her, someone might steal her! That hand might come back!"

"It won't. If it could leave the castle it would've done by now."

"Ok," Link said, still unsure. He placed the sol gently on the ground in the indent.

"Goodbye Glow. I'll be back soon, I promise. Stay safe." Midna stared at him, confusion and concern for Link's mental wellbeing clear on her face. As soon as Link released the sol, its glow increased and formed a solid platform.

"I guess it's this way then," Link said, stepping onto the platform.


	23. Shimmer

The platform carried Link up and across the gap to solid ground. He stepped off it and looked to the second entrance into the enormous castle.

"It looks quite intimidating actually..." he said nervously.

"You can't back out now! Think of poor Glow, just sitting there, all alone, waiting for you to come back..." Midna said. Link began briskly walking towards the castle.

"Yes. You're right. I've gotta do this, for Glow!"

After travelling through many rooms of the castle, Link finally saw a faint shimmer of light behind a cloud of sparkles.

"Shimmer!" He gasped.

"What? You've named it ALREADY?" Midna asked incredulously. "You haven't even picked it up yet!"

"I've named _HER _already," Link corrected. "I felt the name suited her shimmering disposition and..."

"This sounds sooo familiar," muttered Midna. "Link, I don't really care. Just go grab Sparkle or whatever its name is."

"Her name is NOT Sparkle!" Link yelled. "Sparkle implies she has something to do with the vampires, which she doesn't!" He stormed towards the sol, straight into the sparkling cloud. He fell to all fours and changed into a wolf.

Suddenly, 2 vampires leapt at him out of nowhere. One landed on top of him and rolled over, pinning him to the ground. The other punched him in the face.

"Omggg, lyk good work there gal!" she shrieked to the vampire holding Link down. "We've got dat wolf scum now! Bet ur team Jacob, arn't yhuu?" She directed at Link.

"What?" Link gasped.

"Twi-hards!" Hissed Midna.

"Even if he ain't, bet he still lyk, h8s Twilight!" shrieked the other vampire.

"Has anybody ever told you how annoying you are?" Snapped Link.

"Omg he called me annoying!" The vampire holding him shrieked.

"Are you incapable of talking normally instead of shrieking? It's not that difficult!" Link snapped. "Your grammar is atrocious, your taste in fiction is worse, and you're so dumb you somehow manage to make spelling mistakes when you're not even writing anything. Grow up!" He freed a paw and smacked one vampire off him. He pounced on her, knocking her to the floor before spinning round and tearing into the other vampire with his fangs. Instead of bursting into sparkles, they merely collapsed to the floor.

"Why aren't they vanishing?" Link pondered. His question was answered when a werewolf bounded towards him and howled. The two vampires got to their feet, revived.

"Ur so mean!" One of them shrieked at Link.

"Fanks wolfie," the other said to the werewolf. "I dnt lyk team Jacob much but ur ok I suppose." The werewolf transformed into a young girl, slightly older looking than the others but still at the oldest 15.

"Just so yhoo know, this don't meen we're frends or enythink," she replied. "Team Jacob 4eva!"

"Oh, so I guess you heard what they were saying about you just then?" Link commented. The werewolf froze and turned to him.

"Whaaat?"

"Oh, you didn't hear? Well this is slightly awkward. Never mind." Link said.

"We din't say nuffin, wolfie!" One of the vampires shrieked.

"Yeh, dat stoopid wolf is lyin'!" The other added.

"Tell me wat dey sed!" The werewolf girl growled.

"They said Edward Cullen would kick Jacob's ass any day. They said Jacob is just a mangy mutt and everyone who's team Jacob is a complete moron and should be fed to Edward, even though he doesn't eat humans because werewolves are so stupid they don't count as humans. And they said they wished you didn't have to come along because you always ruin everything and it's no fun being with a member of team Jacob!" Link said. The werewolf girl growled, her fangs lengthening.

"He's lyin'!" The vampire shrieked.

"Yeh! I agree wiv everythin he just sed but dat don't mean he tellin da troof!" Screamed the other vampire.

"I new I culd neva trust vampires!" Screamed the werewolf, who morphed fully into her wolf form and leapt at the two vampires. Link smiled and continued forwards, listening to the girls squabble.

"That was easy!" He said. His smile disappeared as an apparition of Bella appeared before him and a sparkling barrier blocked his way to the sol.

"I guess my guards weren't very effective," the apparition said scornfully, waving her hand at the fighting guards. In an instant, they vanished into sparkles and were gone. "Guess I'll have to stop you myself." She raised her hands, creating a sparkly ball. Link lunged towards her and tried to bite the phantom, but she hurled the ball to the floor and teleported away. The ball split into several sparkly venus flytrap like plants. They snapped at Link when he got close enough. He leapt and tore the head off one, but was bitten by another. He slashed at the stem with his claws. The head fell off and continued snapping at him. He ignored this and leapt at the apparition of Bella, who had reappeared and was forming another sparkling orb. He gripped onto her with his claws and bit hard into her shoulder. The plants vanished and she shook him off, creating a portal which dropped two dark shapes into the sparkling cloud. The shapes stood up and Link realised this time both were vampires. There was no werewolf for them to argue with.

"Guess we'll have to do this the hard way then," Link muttered. He growled, fur standing up on end, and leapt at one of the vampires. He landed on its chest and dug his claws in, slashing at the vampire. Before the other could revive it, he leapt at that one too and knocked this one also to the floor. Bella appeared behind him and he spun round, grabbing her by the throat and shaking. The apparition burst into sparkles, singing Link's fur.

"That apparition was stronger than the last," he noted as he left the sparkling cloud and Midna transformed him back to a human. He walked up to the sol and struck the hand holding it.

The sol dropped to the floor and he picked it up, hugging it.

"Shimmer, I'm so glad to finally meet you... you're even more beautiful than I'd imagined..."

"Link! The hand! Just run!" Link turned and realised the hand had sprung back to life and was hovering over his head. He turned to run, but the hand dropped and knocked him flying.

"Noooo! Shimmer!" Link screamed, but it was too late. The hand picked Shimmer up and returned to its original position. "NOOOOOOOO!" Link sobbed. Midna stared at him.

"You know you can just go get it again?"

"I can? Oh, ok!" Link said happily. "I'm so sorry for losing you Shimmer. I promise I'll never let you go again." He struck the hand, picked up the sol and ran for his life.

Finally Link made it outside with the sol. "Glow!" He shouted. "I'm back! And I've brought you a friend!"

"Say Link," Midna asked thoughtfully. "If you had to choose between Shimmer or Glow, which one would you choose?" Link turned a shocked face towards her.

"I could never make a decision like that! I love them both too much." He placed Shimmer in the indent in the floor next to Glow. Instantly, both sols flashed with blinding light. Link shut his eyes. When he opened them, Glow and Shimmer were gone.

"What? No! Glow! Shimmer! Where are you?" He gasped.

"Link, they're..."

"No! How could something like this happen?" Link dropped to his knees. "I rescued them both from that place, and now they're gone! Just like that!"

"Link, just listen to me and..."

"How will I go on without them?"

"LINK! Shut up and look at your sword!" Midna yelled. Link, sobbing, looked down at his sword. His sobbing stopped abruptly and a smile spread across his face.

"Ooooh... SHINY!"

"Yes Link! Shiny!"

"I've done it Midna!" Link screamed joyfully, grabbing Midna's hands and spinning her round. "I've got a shiny sword! Finally!"

"Congratulations! Now, let's go get Bella!"


	24. Vampire Bat Massacre

_Oooh, apparently you can get pictures for your stories now! Awesome! Any ideas for a picture for this one? I decided to let Link be a bit awesome at the end of this chapter, as usually he messes stuff up :P And also, any ideas for a title for this chapter? Can't think of anything._

_..._

Link stopped. Straight in front of him was a rushing cascade of sparkles, completely covering the path.

"It's like a sparkly waterfall," he muttered. "How can I get through?"

"Now that your sword is shiny, it can banish sparkle power," Midna said. Link pulled out his sword and slashed it around. The sparkles faded but were quickly replaced by more falling down from the source. However, they faded long enough for Link to notice that there was no path beneath them but a gaping chasm.

"I'm gonna have to jump and swing my sword at the same time?"

"Yes. Should be simple enough, shouldn't it? Surely even you can move your legs and arm at the same time?" Midna said cuttingly.

"Of course I can!" Link bristled. He walked confidently towards the sparkling waterfall, slashed his sword and tripped, grabbing onto the other side of the path. More sparkles fell down to replace the ones he had banished and landed on his head, transforming him into a wolf. He scrabbled at the edge of the path and managed to pull himself up. Giggling quietly, Midna handed him the master sword and he returned to his human shape.

"There was a rock, and I tripped..." he explained.

"Of course there was!" Midna murmured as he reached the castle doors and entered.

Glittering bats assaulted Link the second he entered the castle. He swung his sword wildly, killing all but one, which he finished off with a jab to its wing. The path in front of him was covered in clouds of sparkle power, so he waved his sword in front of him to clear the area. Once the sparkles cleared, two small indents similar to the ones he had put Shimmer and Glow into were clearly visible in the floor.

"Midna! Look at that! Do you think there are gonna be more sols here?" He asked excitedly.

"In a way I suppose..." Link whooped with joy and ran forwards before Midna had a chance to explain what she meant. He was sorely disappointed when he came across two black spheres with symbols giving off a faint blue glow.

"What are these supposed to be?"

"They're like sols, except..."

"Except not shiny," Link finished. "Well that's the most pointless thing I've ever seen!"

"Just take them back to the holes in the floor," Midna sighed. Grumbling, Link picked one up and placed it in the hole before returning for the second. Once he had placed both spheres, a staircase of light appeared. He walked up the staircase and saw another sphere sitting in a holder, however this one did not give off any light at all. He struck it with his sword and it gave off a faint glow before fading back to black. Frowning, he hit it again and continued striking it with his sword. The orb grew brighter and brighter until it shone almost as bright as a sol. The floor underneath Link's feet began to glow and he realised he was standing on a platform which he had just activated.

"Look Midna! I made a shiny!" The platform rose up off the floor and carried Link away from his "shiny".

"No!" Link cried and leapt off the platform. The second his feet lost contact, the platform vanished and the glow faded from the orb.

"It's not shiny anymore!" He yelled, annoyed, and struck the sphere with his sword to restore the glow. Once it had reached its maximum brightness, he grabbed onto it and tugged, trying to release it from its holder. It didn't budge.

"Come on Link! You can't take it with you!" Midna snapped. She was so close to getting her revenge on Bella and Link's obsession with shiny things was just slowing the whole process down. Link realised this and abandoned his attempts to remove the orb, allowing the lift to carry him away to the next floor.

Eventually Link reached a door with a fancy, ornate lock.

"I guess this is it," he said apprehensively.

"You can do it Link," Midna said. "You can defeat Bella!"

"Right." Link stood facing the door, psyching himself up for the big fight. Then he sighed and physically appeared to droop.

"I can't... I can't go in there."

"You can't back out now Link!" Midna urged. "We've come so far..."

"It's not that," said Link. "It's just that I don't have the key for this door."

"What?"

"Guess I'd better go look for it," Link moaned, trudging off.

Much later, Link was almost ready to give up.

"Where could it be?" He said angrily. "I've looked over every inch of this stupid castle!"

"Try behind that sparkle waterfall you saw outside this room?" Midna suggested.

"I've looked there and there's nothing!"

"There must be something. People who design these things never make random hidden areas for no reason, especially if there are monsters there too!" Midna said. "You should check again, maybe you missed something."

"I never miss anything," Link grumbled. "I don't think there _is _a key to that door, I think I'm just meant to pick the lock. Or maybe for once a villain has done something sensible and made their lair impossible to get into."

"Just go check the sparkle waterfall!" Midna commanded. She floated ahead of Link, showing the way to the waterfall. He walked up to it and swung his sword in a circle, clearing the sparkles. Suddenly, something slammed into his back. He fell forwards, arms flailing wildly and somehow managed to grab the side of the hole and pull himself back up, coming face to face with the massive vampire bat that had almost knocked him into the hole. He slashed at the creature, knocking it out of the air and causing it to burst into sparkles.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" He said, facing the waterfall once again. Out of nowhere, another vampire bat swooped down and knocked him to the floor.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" He snarled.

After Link had massacred every vampire bat for several miles around, he returned to the sparkling waterfall, swept his sword around to clear the sparkles, and leapt through. He looked around.

"See Midna? Nothing here. Just like I told..." he stopped, staring at Midna. She was hovering way up above his head, next to a wire mesh that he could clawshot onto. Without saying a word, he fired the clawshot and allowed it to pull him up. He let go and fell onto a platform next to a large chest. Silently, he opened it and removed a large jewelled key. Midna watched him quietly, smirking.

"So what were you saying about how there's nothing here?" She asked. Link remained silent and began walking off to Bella's room.

Link entered the room leading to where Bella was hiding. He walked towards the cloud of sparkles covering the middle of the room, swinging his sword to clear them. A slight movement to his left caught his attention and he spun round and raised his sword just in time to skewer a vampire who had used the sparkles as cover to sneak up on him. The vampire hissed and exploded.

"There are probably more of them about, be careful," Midna murmured. Link nodded and slashed his sword at the cloud ahead of him, revealing two humanoid figures. As soon as they realised they had been spotted, the two of them howled and morphed into werewolves. Link screamed a battle cry and leapt at them, slamming his sword into one of the creatures and causing it to burst into sparkles. The other swung a massive clawed paw at his head but he ducked and spun round with his sword, slicing the beast. It fell to the floor and vanished.

"Link..." Midna began. "I hate to say this because it means I'm complimenting you, but that was actually pretty badass." Link smiled and adjusted his hat, extremely proud of himself.

"Well, what can I say Midna? I am a badass person!" The moment was ruined when a sparkling barrier appeared in front of the door ahead of him. Link turned to look, and was knocked to the floor by a vampire who had appeared behind him.

"Let's get him!" The vampire yelled, and several other voices, presumably more vampires, whooped their agreement. Midna floated up and out of the sparkles.

"There are 6 of them Link! Be careful!" She yelled. Link grunted his acknowledgement and slashed at a pair of ankles in front of him. There was a yelp and a thud as one of the vampires fell to the floor. Link leapt to his feet and stabbed his sword at the fallen vampire.

"One down..." Another vampire leapt at him from the side, reaching for his face. Link swung his sword and knocked the vampire to the floor, before running at a third. He jabbed his sword at it and it hissed, flinching backwards. The remaining vampires surrounded Link, baring their fangs.

"Nowhere to run now," one of them hissed. Link smiled, and spun his sword in a circle, hitting all the vampires and knocking them to the floor. Simultaneously, they burst into sparkles.

"Now maybe I can finally get to that door!" Link said, putting his sword away and walking towards the sparkling barrier. It remained firmly in place.

"There must be more of them!" Link gasped, spinning around and coming face to face with a massive werewolf.

The two stood unmoving for a moment, staring at eachother. Then the sparkling cloud that Link had banished began to return. Link had no time to draw his sword and clear the sparkles again, so morphed into a wolf. Wasting no time, he stood up on his back legs and slashed at the werewolf with his front paws, catching it in the face. The werewolf growled and lunged at Link. Link dropped to the floor and leapt up as the werewolf sailed over his head, hitting it solidly in the stomach. It fell to the floor and vanished. Loud growling behind Link alerted him to another werewolf and he spun round and leapt at it, grabbing it by the throat in his jaws and throwing it aside. Two more werewolves emerged from the sparkles, snarling softly. Link turned to face them and they leapt at him. He smacked one aside with his paw and leapt at the other. They collided in midair and fell to the floor, each scrabbling at the other with their claws. Eventually Link managed to pin the werewolf down and use it as a springboard to leap into the other werewolf that had attacked him. Both wolves burst into sparkles. Midna floated into the air.

"Two more to go!" She commented. "One to your left!" Link got on his hind legs and twisted round only to be knocked backwards as yet another werewolf lunged at him, jaws snapping furiously. However, as soon as the werewolf made contact with him Link twisted round and used the creature's momentum and his own strength to hurl the beast backwards, straight into the remaining werewolf. Both exploded and vanished. The sparkling mist faded, and the barrier vanished. Midna handed the master sword to Link, transforming him back into a human.

"Ready now?" She asked.

"Ready," Link replied, and unlocked the door.


	25. Bella

Link and Midna marched into Bella's room.

"No! Wait! Please, just give me a minute!" A voice shrieked from the other side of the room. Link and Midna looked at eachother and shrugged, continuing into the room.

"Hey! I told you to wait!" Screamed Bella, staring at her reflection in the mirror and frantically applying mascara. "This is going to be my starring moment, destroying the specks who dare challenge my darling Edward, and I've got to look my best! Just because you take no pride in your appearance and haven't bothered to make an effort, doesn't mean I should do the same!" Link looked down. His tunic was ripped and bloodied, his hair was matted and a layer of dirt coated every visible piece of skin.

"Ah, you have a point... mind if I borrow that hairbrush?" He asked.

Once Bella and Link had finished making themselves look good, Bella walked over and sat in an ornate throne, whilst Link returned to Midna's side.

"You quite done yet?" She asked sarcastically.

"Well I wouldn't be over here if I wasn't!" Link replied.

"Took you a while. Several HOURS in fact!"

"It didn't take that long!"

"Yes it did. Don't worry though, you look _fabulous!"_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Link growled.

"AHEM," said Bella. Midna and Link started, both having forgotten she was there.

"Bella." Midna said, floating in front of Link. "Thanks for your help getting here, we wouldn't have made it without that curse you put on Link! I bet your precious Edward isn't gonna be happy with you."

"Edward loves me!" Snarled Bella. "And he _will _be happy with me. Very happy, once I destroy you!"

"Do you actually have a mind of your own, or do you just blindly do everything he tells you to?" asked Link.

"I do everything he commands, but I have a mind of my own! I can think for myself! If you only realised how much I love him you'd understand!"

"So... you're basically his willing slave."

"No! He granted me these powers! I was alone... the only girl in my class without a boyfriend... and then _he _came..." Bella continued talking and Link yawned and stretched.

"Have you ever read Twilight, Midna?" He asked.

"No, fortunately."

"Well she's basically reciting it right now," Link said. Midna went quiet for a second and listened to Bella's monologue.

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him- and I didn't know how dominant that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

"Oh god," Midna muttered, "that's awful."

"We may as well sit down," Link said. "This goes on for four books." Midna stared at him, horrified.

Luckily Bella decided to only recite the whole of Twilight, and leave the other books to the pair's imagination.

"Edward granted me these great powers," she finished. "I will do whatever he wants."

"So basically you loved him for some reason, some evil vampires tried to kill you, you sat there screaming while your friends risked their lives to destroy them, and that's it?" Midna said. "And you needed _four _books to describe that?"

"No! That's only the first book! In the second book..."

"Never mind!" Link yelled. "We don't have time for this Bella, I thought you wanted to destroy us? Or are you trying to bore us to death?" Bella glared at him.

"I just thought you'd like some background information. Anyway, Edward made me a vampire and we had a child, Renesmee, and then our fandoms collided. We were thrown into the Twilight realm of Legend of Zelda. It was a nice place, but too shiny. The shiny power disagreed with us, so we got rid of it and then little Midna here decided she had a problem with us making everything sparkly. So I defeated her and Edward crowned me Princess of the Twilight realm. Then Edward decided he wanted the whole of Hyrule for himself, and of course I intend to help him achieve his goal. And that's my extremely abridged life story."

"Extremely abridged," Midna snorted quietly. "Well I hate to burst your bubble Bella, but this ends here!" Bella raised her arms and began glittering. The room around them faded to black.

"You ready?" Midna asked Link quietly. Link drew his sword and nodded.

Link looked around. They were no longer in Bella's throne room. Instead, they were standing in a room with a resemblance to the room he had fought Jasper in. Bella floated above a lake of purple, steaming liquid.

"Die!" She snarled, and fired several balls of sparkle power at Link. Link barely raised his shield in time to block them and although the sparkles dissipated when they hit his shield, they hit with enough force to push him backwards. When Bella stopped firing, he whipped out his bow and arrow and shot at the vampire. She dodged the arrows with blinding speed. He shot again, and she returned fire with sparkling balls that vaporised his arrows in midair. He leapt out of the way only to be hit full on by one of the glittering missiles.

"Her sparkle power is so strong," he gasped as pain flooded his body. He leapt to his feet and raised his shield, defending himself against the onslaught. He stuffed his sword in its sheath with his other hand.

"What are you doing?" Hissed Midna. He ignored her and pulled out his boomerang, hidden behind the cover of his shield. Bella stopped her attack with the sparkles and dashed to another position. The second she stopped, Link guessed where she was going to move and hurled his boomerang. It hit Bella in the face, and in her confusion she stopped levitating and fell into the purple liquid. There was a painful sounding hiss.

"Agh!" she screamed, leaping out of the liquid and landing near to Link. Link took his chance and jumped at her, attacking her with the master sword. She punched him in the stomach and began levitating and sparkling again. Once again the room went dark.

When the darkness lifted, Link realised he was falling. He landed heavily on a metal platform suspended above a lake of lava. Bella appeared at the opposite edge of the platform and snarled at him. She then leapt up and down, causing the platform to wobble violently and Link began sliding towards the edge. Quickly, he put on his metal boots which stuck to the magnetic surface like glue. He stomped as quickly as the boots would allow him towards Bella, but before he could reach her she sped off to another side of the platform. He removed the heavy boots and chased after her, but once again she leapt up and down, wobbling the platform, and he slipped and fell over, rolling over the edge. Before he fell into the lava he managed to grasp the edge of the platform and hang on. Straining, he pulled himself up only to be hit right in the face by a sparkling missile. His eyes burned.

"Ahhh!" He gasped, rubbing his eyes frantically. He couldn't see a thing. Bella shot another sparkling ball towards him and it smacked him right in the stomach, almost knocking him back off the edge. Blindly, Link raised his shield in an attempt to ward off any further attacks. Bella smiled and ceased her attack, realising that he was unable to see. She sped towards him, fist raised.

"She's coming straight at you Link!" Midna yelled when Bella was almost upon him. Link blindly swung his sword around in front of him and Bella tried to skid to a halt but her momentum carried her forwards straight into Link's attack. She hissed with pain and levitated into the air, preparing again to change the scenery.

"Link, can you see?" Midna asked.

"Barely... I can only see a blur." There was no time to finish the conversation as suddenly Link was plunged into freezing water.

Initially Link panicked and choked on the water, floundering desperately to find the surface before he realised he could use his blue tunic. He quickly pulled it on and breathed in deeply. Still unable to see a thing, he pulled on his heavy boots and sank to the bottom.

"Where's Bella?" He asked Midna.

"I don't know... I can't see her anywhere!" Midna replied, searching for the vampire. There was a loud rumbling noise below the floor and Link looked down, despite the fact he could barely see anything. The floor below him ruptured and a huge statue rose out of the floor. Link staggered back and raised his shield.

"Midna! Is that... a statue?" He asked, shaking slightly.

"No Link! It's... a lump of rock," Midna lied.  
"Are you sure?" Link began, but stopped talking and drew his sword as a door in the statue slid open revealing Bella inside.

"She's over there! In the stat- I mean lump of rock!" Midna yelled. Link removed his heavy boots and swam towards the statue. As he got closer he saw a sparkling blur heading straight for him and twisted out of the way. The missile grazed his back and another shot straight at him. He narrowly dodged that one as well and sped towards the opening. However as soon as he got close, the door slammed shut and the statue sank back into the ground.

"She's tiring," Midna commented. "You can tell. She's taking breaks in the assaults and hiding so you can't get her." There was a rumble and the statue rose out of the floor. This time Link was prepared and pulled out his clawshot. He squinted, determined not to miss despite the fact he was still half blinded from the sparkle power. A movement caught his eye and he fired at it, hoping it had been the movement of the door opening. His clawshot hit stone and retracted back to him, empty. He narrowed his eyes in time to see something sparkly shooting towards him. He raised his shield to block a barrage of sparkle power, then fired at where he guessed they had come from. He was rewarded when his clawshot fastened around something and dragged a dark shape towards him. He stabbed and slashed Bella with his sword until she broke free with a flash of sparkle power and swam out of his grasp.

"Damn you!" She yelled, and the entire underwater arena glittered and vanished.

When the room reformed, Link looked around. His vision had recovered enough to see that he was in a room with several large pillars arranged in a circular pattern. Bella was sitting on the pillar in the centre.

"Give up now," she snarled. "Just let me bite you and you can be my slave. I can tell you're weakening. Look at you, you can barely see properly!" Link realised with a sinking feeling she was right. Although he could now distinguish objects from eachother, his vision was still blurred and unfocussed. He had been hit by a lot of sparkle power during the battle as well, and that was definitely taking its toll.

"You're weakening too!" He said more confidently than he felt. "Your sparkle power blasts are getting weaker, and you're doing more to evade me than you were before! Plus I have a secret plan in case of an emergency!"

"We'll see about that!" Yelled Bella, and fired sparkles at Link. He dodged and shot an arrow back. Bella leapt to another pillar.

"You know," said Link, "I once fought a monkey in a room like this. Looks like I'm fighting another monkey in the same room." Bella flushed with anger.

"How dare you!" She growled, and fired a massive sparkling ball at Link. It punched a crater in the floor. Link jumped aside and rolled into the pillar Bella was standing on. However, instead of falling off as the monkey had, Bella leapt to another pillar.

"You're not gonna get me like that!" She growled, firing more sparkle power at Link. A little hit him in the chest and he gasped with pain.

"Let's get this over with," He muttered and ran straight at the pillar Bella was on. As he expected, Bella leapt to another pillar, but as she did so Link pulled out his boomerang and hurled it at her, causing her to lose her balance and begin to wobble. Link smiled at her and rolled into the pillar. Bella crashed to the floor and Link jumped at her, stabbing with the master sword. She kicked him away from her and faded the room into nothingness.

"Are you just going to continue changing the scenery until you have an arena that's to your advantage?" Link asked, exasperated.

"Yes," hissed Bella. The room reformed into one covered with ice; similar to the one Link had fought the yeti in. Bella hovered above the ice and began glittering.

"You should be proud of yourself Link, you're forcing me to give myself armour!" she said. The sparkles flowed until they were covering her entire body and solidified into a set of armour and a large axe. Bella floated higher and higher, then began moving towards Link. At the last moment Link realised what she was going to do and threw himself aside as Bella shot downwards, slicing at where he had been with the axe. He ran away from her, skidding on the ice. She walked after him, unaffected by the slippery conditions because of the sparkling spikes on the soles of her boots which gave her grip. She swung the axe at him, missing by a hairs width.

"I notice you've stopped blasting sparkle power at me," Link commented. "Getting a little tired?"

"Not too tired to completely destroy you," she snarled. "How're your eyes?"

"A lot better thank you!" With that, Link pulled out his ball and chain and hurled it at Bella. She leapt gracefully out of the way and slammed the axe into Link's side. He fell to the floor and Bella stood over him.

"Looks like I've got you now!"

"No you haven't!" He replied, yanking the ball and chain back towards him. It caught Bella a heavy blow to the leg and shattered her armour. She shrieked and ran to the other side of the room, starting to glitter.

"Taking you a while to reform that armour, isn't it?" Link jeered, chasing after her. He managed to slash her exposed back with the sword before a thin sparkly layer shimmered into existence. He stabbed at her legs, causing her to gasp in pain before armour covered them as well. She leapt up into the air, hovering above him. This time her axe was significantly smaller. Nonetheless, it still hurt just as much when she dropped suddenly and smacked him hard with it. As he skidded backwards from the impact he threw the ball and chain desperately at Bella, who returned fire with a ball of sparkle power. Although it was weak, it still slammed into Link with the force of a truck. The ball and chain smashed Bella's armour and she collapsed to the floor. The scenery shimmered and began to change again.

Link looked around. He didn't know where they were this time, but he could see Hyrule castle in the distance and a sparkling barrier surrounded them. He turned his aching body to look at Bella, who was looking just as bad as he felt.

"It's time to finish this," she said. "No more messing around. Just a straight sword fight to the death. I don't have the energy for anything more." Link nodded and drew his sword. Bella channelled her sparkle power into creating a glittering sword. The two circled eachother warily before Bella leapt forwards and slashed at Link's side. Link raised his shield, deflecting the attack and jabbed at Bella's chest. The tip of his sword caught her and she hissed.

"Do you know how much that hurts? The shiny power burns me!"

"Your sparkle power burns me!" Link replied. "So yes, actually." Bella ignored him and stabbed at his stomach. Link slashed at her side and she leapt back.

"I may have exhausted my sparkle power," she growled, "But you forget vampires have amazing speed and strength!" With that she sped towards Link, slashing her sword at him with frightening speed. Link barely blocked the first blow and the second caught him completely defenceless, knocking him to the floor. Bella walked towards him, and he leapt up and ran off.

"There's no way I can defend against that attack," he panted to Midna. "She won't be able to keep it up forever though!" He froze as he felt Bella shoot past him, and slashed unsuccessfully at her. She jabbed him hard in the chest and he fell to the floor once more. He only had one heart of health left. Bella smiled.

"Looks like this is it, then!" Link ignored her and pulled out a bottle.

"Not quite, I still have THIS!" He uncorked the bottle and drank the yeti's soup he had kept after leaving their house. His health restored and he leapt to his feet. Bella watched him warily as he circled her, sword raised. Suddenly she dashed forwards and swiped at Link, who blocked and returned the blow. As he was lunging forwards, she slashed at his side with frightening speed, knocking him backwards. She took the advantage and jabbed him, causing him to back off even more. The assault continued until Link realised he had been backed into a corner. Bella smiled and began a flurry of rapid attacks that Link had no hope of dodging. He had no choice but to stand and endure the attack, blocking the few blows he could and hoping he survived.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Bella dropped her arm, panting.

"You're tougher than you look," she gasped, exhausted. Link got to his feet, aching all over, and forced his tired muscles into action. He attacked Bella with the master sword, who had exhausted herself too much to defend. She weakly raised her arms, but Link swiped them aside with the sword and stabbed at her exposed body. He hit her with the flat of his sword, knocking her to the floor and raised his sword for the final blow.

"Wait! Stop!" Bella cried. The scenery faded and returned the three to Bella's throne room.

Three dark objects flew out of Bella's grasp and floated to Midna, who gave a cry of delight.

"The fused shadows!"

"Okay," Bella panted. "You've defeated me. But you know what? Even if you kill me now, Edward will revive me. And it won't break your curse either," she sneered. "You'll remain a puny imp forever Midna, and the Twilight realm will still belong to my dearest Edward until you kill him. And believe me, you won't be able to kill him. So you may have defeated me... but really, in the long run you gained nothing!" Link looked at Midna, whose face was contorted with rage. She raised her arms and the fused shadows floated closer to her.

"We'll defeat Edward," she whispered. "But you won't be around to see it!" Then she fired shining beams out of her hands, directly at Bella. Bella let out one last scream, then exploded into a massive ball of sparkle power which shot towards Link. Link was too exhausted to move and he stared horrified as the lethal missile shot towards him, knowing he would not be able to survive the impact.

A shining sphere at least twice the size of the sparkling one collided with the sparkles and exploded in an immense flash of light. Link closed his eyes to protect them from the brightness of the collision, and when he opened them a slightly smaller, but still very large shining orb was floating in front of him. Slowly, it faded to nothingness. Link turned around.

"Midna... did you... was that _you?"_ Midna was staring at her hands, as shocked as Link was.

"The fused shadows... I had no idea they were so powerful! That was just a fraction of the power I could have used, Link!"

"... wow." Link was unsure of what to say.

"But anyway, we've done it!" Midna said joyfully. "We've defeated Bella Cullen and reclaimed the fused shadows! With these, saving Zelda and destroying Edward will be easy! Come on, let's go!" She created a portal to take them out of the castle.

"One second," Link said, and walked to where Bella had been. He picked up the glittering heart container she had left behind, and grinned as he felt his health returning and increasing.

"I'm ready. Let's go."


	26. R Cullen

_You have no idea how long I spent on baby names websites looking up names that began with R._

_..._

Link blinked as the dimness of the Twilight realm was replaced with bright daylight. Midna also blinked and shielded her eyes as she returned to the world of light.

"Unfortunately we can't rest yet," she said. "I'm certain Edward and Zelda are in Hyrule castle protected by that barrier, but with the fused shadows, breaking the barrier should be easy." Link nodded.

"That would make sense. So... to castle town?" Midna nodded and opened a portal.

Link walked towards the sparkling barrier.

"So Midna, I guess you're going to take care of this?" Midna floated towards the barrier and produced the fused shadows. They combined to form a helmet-like structure, which clamped around Midna's head. Link watched thoughtfully.

"That looks a little uncomfortable, Midna. Is it?" Midna did not reply and began shaking. Link began to get concerned.

"Midna? Are you alright? Is it really that uncomfortable?" Midna stopped shaking and zoomed straight at Links face.

"Hey!" Link yelled, ducking and narrowly avoiding getting his head knocked off. "The barrier's that way!" Midna shot off into the distance. Link watched her go.

"Come back!" He yelled. Then suddenly, a huge shining creature leapt over Link's head and clung to the barrier. Link watched in awe as it climbed to the top of the barrier with ease, before creating a massive shining sword and plunging it deep into the barrier. There was a flash of light and the barrier vanished. The fused shadows detached from the shining creatures head and it shrunk and dimmed until Midna returned to her original shape. Link caught her as she slowly floated downwards.

"You alright?" He asked. She blinked and nodded.

"I'm fine." Link began walking forwards and stopped. Two guards were standing by the entrance to Hyrule castle, staring.

"Did... did you just see that?" One of them gasped, his eyes practically bursting out of his head.

"Uhh... no?" Link said hopefully.

"I did!" Gasped the other guard. "That was crazy. Who'd have thought we'd ever have something like that happen right next to us?"

"Uhhh..." Link murmured.

"So, reckon we should go help?" One of the guards said.

"What?" Said Link, confused.

"Oh right, you didn't see. Some guys cart just did, like, a backflip, and spilt stuff everywhere." Link turned around and sure enough, there was a man standing next to an upside down cart looking upset.

"Wow... that's... cool," Link replied. "So... uhh... you don't mind if I just go wandering round Hyrule castle completely unsupervised with this huge sword and possibly murderous intentions do you?"

"Of course not!" Said the guard. "Go right ahead!"

"Awesome, thanks!" Link pushed open the massive door and entered the grounds of Hyrule Castle.

"This place is massive..." he gasped, staring up at the castle looming above him. Directly in front of him was an entrance to the castle, and at the sides were two gates leading further into the castle grounds. He picked the left side at random and walked towards it. A loud flapping noise caught his attention and he looked up to see the air above him was swarming with glittering vampire bats.

"There are so many of them," he murmured and began walking quickly towards one of the gates. He knew the bats weren't very dangerous, but if they all decided to swarm him at once they could pose a threat. Luckily, on his way to the gate he was only attacked by a few individuals, who he was able to defeat easily.

He reached the gate and ran through before he was attacked again. Instantly, he was surrounded by a sparkling barrier. Link looked around for enemies, but saw none.

"What? How do I get out of this barrier then?" He said out loud.

"RELEASE THE HOUNDS!" Boomed a voice from somewhere. Link jumped.

"Agh!" He yelped. A gate opposite to him slid open and several bored looking teenagers slouched out.

"How many times do we have to tell that guy we're not hounds?" Moaned one of them. "We're werewolves, dammit."

"Maybe if we do a good job on this guy we'll finally be allowed to live in a house rather than that stupid kennel," another said. "Sucks though, so much effort beating people up."

"Face it guys, I doubt they're gonna do anything for us. We'll just be stuck in this kennel eating dog food for the rest of our lives," sighed a third. They all groaned in despair.

"At least they don't try to take us on "walkies" anymore..."

"Um... hello?" Link said. The group turned to look at him.

"Oh, that guy," said one of them. "He's the one we're meant to be killing."

"Yeah, but can you _really _be bothered? I mean, once we've killed him we'll just be locked up back in the kennel again. At least right now we're getting some fresh air." The group nodded in agreement.

"So... you're not going to fight me?" Link asked. They shook their heads.

"Can't be bothered. Want to just sit down for a bit and chat or something?"

"Yeah, why not?" Link replied, walking over to the group. "I've got a pack of cards if you want to play?"

"Awesome!"

"Link!" Said Midna. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What? Oh yeah, sorry guys, I've kinda gotta rush, got to rescue the princess and stuff, you know how it is..."

"That can wait!" Said one of the werewolves. "Do you have any idea how boring it is in those kennels? Seriously, you can take as long as you want rescuing the princess. Even if it's supposedly urgent, Edward isn't gonna do anything until you get there. Plus it'll annoy him, he has this idea that he has to be doing something dramatic when you enter his room. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't know when you're gonna get there so he's been spending the past week playing the same tune over and over on the organ. I don't think he's even stopped to eat."

"Are you serious?!" Link chuckled.

"Yeah! He got news that you burst in on Bella before she was ready, and obviously he didn't want to make the same mistake! So have a few games with us and we'll take that barrier down for you ok?" Link nodded his head in agreement and pulled out a pack of cards.

After a couple of games of poker, Link bade farewell to his new werewolf friends.

"If I were you, I'd just leave the castle," he said as they dispelled the barrier. "I'm gonna deal with Edward Cullen so he's not going to come after you. You don't have to be treated like dogs anymore!" The werewolves whooped and scattered, leaving the castle grounds. Meanwhile, Link continued forwards, passing through a grand archway. The second he passed through, another sparkling barrier fizzed into existence behind him.

"Not more werewolves," he moaned. However, he was mistaken.

"YOU!" Screamed a female voice. Link froze.

"Oh no... even worse..." he gulped. Edward and Bella's daughter strode confidently towards him, her massive battle axe slung casually over one shoulder.

"So. You made it to Daddy's castle," she said, sounding extremely unimpressed. "Thanks a lot. I was playing a game but now because of you Daddy made me go guard the grounds."

"I'm so sorry about that," Link said as earnestly as he could manage. "And I'm sorry for forgetting your name so much, honestly. I've remembered it now! So please, just let me past. You're only a little girl really, I don't particularly want to hurt you."

"Oh really? You've remembered my name have you?" She asked, calling his bluff immediately.

"Yeah..."

"Go on then."

"Ummm... Ramona?" The girl gave a howl of frustration and swung her axe at Link's head.

"FOR A SECOND, I ALMOST BELIEVED YOU THERE!" she screamed. "BUT NO, YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. ALWAYS LAUGHING AT MY NAME. NEVER BOTHERING TO REMEMBER IT." Link blocked the blow with his sword and jumped to one side.

"Rhea? Rochelle? Rosalyn?" None of these names appeared to be hers however, and only made her angrier.

"Roxana! Am I close? No wait! It's Ryley! Rayann! Rebecca!" He attempted to block as she swung the axe towards him but with blinding speed she whipped it round, jabbed him in the stomach with the blunt end causing him to double over, and slammed him hard against the wall with the handle of her axe pressed firmly against his throat.

"I should have known you'd never remember," she growled. "For a while I thought I'd found someone who wouldn't laugh or forget it. I guess not!" She pressed harder with the axe, crushing his windpipe. He was becoming lightheaded with the lack of oxygen when suddenly he remembered.

"Re... Renesmee!" He gasped, struggling to push the axe away. "I... remember now! It's... Renesmee isn't it?"

Renesmee froze and reduced the pressure on the axe.

"You remembered?" She said, shocked. Midna was equally shocked, although she didn't show it.

"Yeah... I remember now." Link gently pushed the axe away from his throat. "I'm sorry I kept forgetting it."

"That's ok... that's the first time someone other than my parents have actually remembered my name, pronounced it correctly and not laughed at it!" She said. "Just because of that, and because I don't want to be stuck in Legend of Zelda anymore, I'm going to let you go." The sparkling barriers faded away and Renesmee handed Link a key.

"Take this. You'll need it later on."

"Thank you! So... you're not angry at me?"

"No, you remembered my name!"

"But... I kinda accidentally killed your mother... and I may be planning to kill your father..."

"When you kill a vampire or werewolf here, they just get banished from Legend of Zelda and sent back to Twilight. Once you've killed my dad as well everyone will be sent back including me, which is what I want, so it's fine!"

"Ok!" Link said, happy with the way things had turned out. "I'm glad I don't have to fight you anymore, you're scary! Won't your parents be cross if you help me though?"

"I can cope with that." With that, Renesmee whistled for her werewolf and climbed onto its back, riding off into the distance. Link watched her.

"So all she ever wanted was someone to remember her name... who would have thought it?"


	27. Violence is the Answer

_Just a quick note.  
__If I don't post another chapter by the 28th of September, then the next chapter is probably not gonna be until around christmas time ish. This is because I'll be leaving for uni, so I will unfortunately have no access to my wii and obviously can't play Zelda :(  
__I've completed the game before and roughly know the plot but I don't trust myself to remember, so I'm writing this as I play through the game. So yeah, obviously if I can't play it, I can't write this.  
Don't worry though, I guarantee I will complete this fic at some point and do my best to finish it before the 28th :)_

* * *

Link inserted the key Renesmee had handed him into the lock on the door of the castle. There was a click and the door opened.

"Wait a second," Midna said. "Don't you want to go and explore over there first?" She gestured to the half of the castle grounds Link had not yet examined.

"Why? I'm trying to get into the castle, not explore the grounds."

"There might be something useful!"

"Fine, I suppose," Link sighed, reluctantly stepping away from the doors and heading to the other half of the grounds. He passed through an archway and ducked as a sparkling arrow shot over his head, hitting his hat and pinning it to the wall. Link swore and grasped the arrow, trying to pull it out. It burnt his hand and he yelped, letting go of it quickly. Another arrow shot towards him and he jumped behind a barrel, abandoning his hat in an attempt to locate his attacker. He spotted the vampire almost immediately, standing on top of a tall wooden pillar. The vampire fired another arrow at him, which hit the barrel. The barrel began fizzing. He had just about enough time to realise that this probably wasn't a good thing before it exploded in his face. The vampire fired more arrows at him as he was thrown through the air from the force of the blast. He crawled behind a fence and fired an arrow back at the offending vampire. It struck the vampire squarely and it screamed and fell off the pillar. Link shot three more arrows, knocking down more vampires who had been laying in wait for him, and stood up.

He returned to his hat and once again attempted to pull the arrow out. Once again the arrow burnt his hand with sparkle power. Instead of getting his hand burnt for a third time, Link grasped the bottom of the hat and tugged. There was a tearing sound and the hole created by the arrow stretched and ripped slightly.

"Noooo! It's ripping!" Link gasped. "How can I get it off without tearing it?" Midna floated forwards and tentatively wrapped her hand around the arrow. There was a flash and she shot away, nursing her burnt hand.

"Sorry Link, nothing I can do," she said. Link sighed.

"I guess this is the only way..." he grasped the hat firmly and pulled hard. The hat tore like paper. Link held it up sadly. "At least it's still wearable I guess." He placed it gently back on his head and carried along the pathway, wary for any more attacks from vampires. None came and he reached the end of the path uninterrupted. Unfortunately, there was a tall wooden fence blocking his path.

"Well how am I supposed to get past that?"

"Hey! Link!" Someone said. Link ran to the fence and peered through the posts.

"What are you doing here?!" It was the werewolves he had freed earlier.

"We went the wrong way and ended up here, then this fence appeared. Can you get us out of here?"

"Can't you change into wolves and smash down the fence?" Link asked.

"Well we could... but that'd be too easy!" The leader said. "You've gotta figure out how to get us out!"

"That's stupid," Link moaned.

"I'll give you a hint, you see that tower partway through the fence?" Link looked and saw that it was not just one fence, it was two fences and inbetween the gap there was a wooden pillar.

"Yeah?"

"Try focussing your efforts on that." Link sucked in his breath and tried to squeeze between the fence and the pillar. It didn't work.

"Fatty," Midna muttered under her breath. Link glared at her and placed a bomb at the foot of the tower. He walked briskly away and it exploded, making no mark upon the tower at all.

"Maybe I need something more explosive?" Link said, and walked to one of the explosive barrels littered around the place. He wrapped his arms around it and heaved. It didn't budge. After several minutes of attempting to lift it, Link lost his temper and kicked the barrel.

"Stupid thing! Move!" The barrel began fizzing. Link turned and attempted to run but before he could get anywhere it exploded. Painfully, he got to his feet.

"I guess that's out then..." He walked back to the tower and addressed the werewolves.

"Are you sure you can't just shift and break out of there for me? Please?"

"I'm sorry! You have to work it out for yourself!" The werewolf replied. Link sighed and pulled out his ball and chain.

"Stand back," he advised, whirling it round his head. The werewolves retreated. Once the ball had gathered enough speed, he hurled it at the towers base. The wood cracked and split, and the tower began to topple over.

"I did it!" Link whooped. Then his face fell as he realised the tower was coming down on top of him.

"AHHHH!" There was a loud crash. The werewolves winced.

"Hey! Let's help Link out here!" One of them said. The others howled in agreement and shifted into their wolf forms, bounding over to the wreckage. They scrabbled at the fallen wood with their paws until one of them gave a yelp of excitement.

"I've found his hat!" He lent forwards and grasped the hat with his teeth, pulling it out from under the wood.

"Hey! My hat!" Came Links muffled voice from under the tower.

"Don't worry Link, we'll get you out next!" Said one of the wolves cheerfully. There was a yelp of pain.

"Oh! I've got his arm! Come on guys, help me pull!" The werewolves gathered around and each fastened their jaws firmly around Links arm. He screamed in pain.

"Can't you just pull me out as humans?!" Eventually however, the whole painful process was over and Link was freed from the rubble. He lay panting on the ground.

"Thanks... I guess..." he coughed. "Could I have my hat back now?"

"Sure!" The werewolf who had retrieved it bounded towards him and dropped it on his stomach. Link picked it up and grimaced. As well as having small holes from the werewolf's teeth, it was also covered in slobber.

"Um... thanks." He wiped it on the ground before replacing it on his head. The group of werewolves gathered round him expectantly.

"Thanks for getting me out of there," Link said. "Could I just ask one more small favour though?"

"Ask away!"

"Could one of you stay with me for a little while to break down a few barriers for me? I can't get through them otherwise."

"Sure! I'll stay!" All of them said at once. Then they all looked at eachother.

"Hey! I'll stay!"

"No, I wanna stay!"

"Link's my bezzie, he wants me to stay!"

"I bet he thinks you smell!"

"I'm the leader, I should get to help Link!" Claws and fangs were beginning to become visible now. Link edged away.

"Umm... can't you resolve this peacefully between yourselves?"

"No," growled the largest werewolf. "VIOLENCE IS THE ANSWER!" The werewolves threw themselves at one another, and vanished in a squabbling ball of claws, fur and fangs. Link sighed. This could last some time. Then he noticed one werewolf who was staying out of the fight.

"Psst," he hissed. The werewolf turned and looked at him. Link gestured with his thumb and the werewolf nodded. The two of them slunk silently away, leaving the rest of the werewolves to their argument.

"Thanks for coming with me," Link said. "What's your name?"

"No problem! It always annoys me when the others get in arguments over nothing. I'm Fido by the way." Midna sniggered and made a coughing noise which sounded extremely similar to a dogs bark. Link shot her a warning glance.

"Ok Fido, could you smash down those barriers for me please?"

"With pleasure." Fido morphed into his wolf form and charged at the barriers. They smashed into tiny fragments, leaving the path ahead clear. Fido however found it difficult to stop, skidding head first into a wall. He lay there, obviously dazed. Link patted his head.

"Thanks Fido. Good dog." With that, he continued along the path.

Finally, Link reached a dead end.

"There's nothing here Midna! Just like I said! Nothing!" Midna ignored him and floated higher.

"If you can somehow get over that gate, there's a big chest over there," she said slyly. Link immediately began moving forwards.

"There better be loads of money in that chest... or even better, a new hat!" He gestured to his hat which was torn and covered in werewolf saliva.

"Well, you won't know until you get there..." Midna replied. Link strolled up to the gate blocking his path and examined it. He gripped the bars firmly and attempted to pull himself up and over, however all that he accomplished was sliding back down to the floor and landing heavily on his bum.

"Oww..." he attempted to get back to his feet but slipped and fell again.

"Why is the floor so slippery?!" Then he noticed the area he was standing, or rather sitting on, was covered in wet slippery leaves. He stood up and walked off before hurling his boomerang at the spot. The pile of wet leaves blew away, revealing a stone tablet.

"You could have brushed them away with your hands?" Midna suggested.

"I know, I don't care!" Link said. "What does this mean?" On the tablet was engraved a picture of the triforce. Three of the lines were more deeply engraved than the rest.

"Must be a clue for getting the gate open," Midna guessed.

"Screw that. I'm just gonna smash my way through the wall."

"What?! You can't do that! That's breaking the rules of the game! You've gotta solve this..." Midna stopped as Link removed his ball and chain and hurled it at the wall next to the gate. A large crack appeared in the wall. Link placed a bomb in the crack before hastily retreating. The bomb exploded and the wall crumbled. Link smiled at Midna and stepped through the resulting hole.

"See? I can't be bothered to solve puzzles anymore. Sometimes, violence _is _the answer. Plus vandalism is fun!"

"Ahem." Link looked up.

"Oh god, not you..." The policeman smiled.

"Wilful criminal damage? That'll be 10000 rupees please..."


	28. Hyrule Castle

_People: I HAVE A PLAN. I don't wanna wait until Christmas to finish this when I'm so close (2 or 3 chapters more at the most!), so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna complete the game before I go away and write down everything that happens somewhere, then just continue writing all this from my notes on what happened __ That way it'll be finished soon! So you'll still get chapters even after Friday._

_..._

The first thing that struck Link when he finally entered Hyrule castle was how massive it was. The second thing that struck him was a vampire's fist. He fell backwards and hit the sparkly barrier that had appeared while he had been busy staring at the humungous room. He drew his sword and quickly scanned his opponents. There were 6 of them, all young, female teenage vampires except for one who appeared to be a middle aged woman.

"Are you members of Team Edward?" He asked.

"OMG How did yuu gess dat?"

"I think I might have realised when I saw your T-shirts." The vampires smiled proudly and showed off their T-shirts, which had a picture of Edward Cullen's face in a sparkly pink love heart.

"Got dem 2day," one of the vampires said proudly. "Dey well cool, Edward luvs dem!"

"Das y he sent us 2 fyt u, cuz of dese shurts," another said, "he sed we shuld have da honurr of killin u cos we luv him sooo much!"

"You sure? It wasn't because he was so disgusted by the fact that you're so overly obsessed with him that you got these horrible T-shirts with his face on that he's sending you to fight me and die so he doesn't have to look at you anymore?" Link retorted. The vampires proud expressions turned to snarls of fury.

"How dare yhuuuu! Edward wood neva do dat! He luvs us!"

"Lets kill him gurls nd show Edward we don't bileeve da rubbish he just sed!"

"Yehh! He just jeluss!" The vampires surrounded him.

Link watched them warily, keeping his back to the barrier. One of them lunged at him and he sidestepped, slashing at the vampire as she passed him and stumbled through the barrier.

"Hey! How come you can get through there and I can't?!" Link complained.

"Cos we got swagg and u ain't!" Came the reply, along with a vicious kick to the back of Links leg. His knee buckled momentarily and he fell to the floor, rolling out of the way as another vampire attempted to punch him. Her fist missed Links face and connected with the cold stone floor. Link and all the other vampires winced as there was a loud crunch and the vampire screamed with pain. He took the advantage and sprung to his feet, jabbing his sword at one of the vampires. The vampire vanished in a burst of sparkles. The others, enraged at the loss of their team mate, all sprung on Link and forced him to the floor. Unfortunately for them, in doing this one of them impaled herself on Link's sword and also burst into sparkles. Link winced as nails raked down his face and managed to push one of the vampires off him with his shield. He rolled into the opening he had created and backed away from the struggling vampires, who hadn't yet seemed to realise they were fighting eachother and he had escaped. He stared at the vampire he had pushed out of the way, who opened her mouth to tell the others.

"Oh no you don't," Link growled and morphed into a wolf, leaping at her. She vanished into sparkles just as the other vampires realised Link was gone and stood up.

"Were's he gon?!"

"I don't know! I think he somehow managed to get out of the barrier!" Link said, gesturing. The vampires stared at him.

"Who r u?!"

"I'm a werewolf obviously! Edward saw your fight and thought you needed backup so he sent me. Looks like I arrived just in time! He ran out of the barrier somehow and ran off through the front door!" Link lied. "You should chase him. I'll stay here and guard in case somebody else tries to get in."

"W8 a minit," said one of the vampires, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "Edward normally sends more dan 1 wolf 2 help cos dey so pathetic..."

"Yes, but he saw you were doing such a good job that he thought you didn't need much help," Link said hastily. "I'm just here in case of an emergency, like it is now!"

"Oh reely?" One of the vampires said, putting her face very close to Links in what she thought was an intimidating manner. "In dat case yu'll no da secret password!"

"The... secret password?" Link said, his heart sinking.

"Yeh! Don't yu know it? It's da password Edward told evry1 when dey joined bcoz dat Link guy can turn in2 a wolf so we culd tell if a werewolf is an impostar!"

"Oh yes, that password! I remember now!" Link said.

"Go on den!"

"Umm... Vampires rule werewolves drool?"

"Its ok guyz he nows da passwurd," said one of them, relaxing.

"I luv making werewolves say dat!" Another giggled. "Ok den wolfy, yu stay here and we'll go do da dangerus stuff chasin after dat guy!"

"Yeah ok," Link said, relieved at his narrow escape. "Bye then." He waited until the vampires were safely out of the door before changing back into a human.

"That was a lucky escape!" Said Midna.

"Yeah but I could've handled them if I had to," said Link. "Let's go."

Link finished off the two werewolves guarding the room and waited expectantly for the door to open. Nothing happened.

"Umm... hello? I killed the werewolves...?" The bars blocking the door remained.

"There must be a switch somewhere," Midna commented. Link examined the room. No switches anywhere, just pillars and paintings. He changed into a wolf and honed his wolf senses, trying to look for any way he could dig himself out of the room, when suddenly...

"AGHHH!" He yelped, and fled to the other side of the room with his tail between his legs.

"What's the matter?" Asked Midna.

"G-g-ghosts!"

"You've seen plenty of those! How come these ones are so scary?"

"Well I was standing over there in that spot next to the painting..."

"Yes?"

"And I turned round and they were all pointing at me!" Link whimpered. "They're not pointing anymore because I've moved away, it's just when I was over there!"

"Are you sure they were pointing at you and not something else?"

"Well why aren't they pointing now?"

"Try getting a little closer again." Link reluctantly crawled a little closer to where the ghosts were. "That's right," Midna encouraged, "Now even closer." Link dragged himself closer and yelped.

"They're pointing again!"

"At you?"

"No... they seem to be pointing at the painting!"

"Well what does that tell you?"

"THE PAINTING'S HAUNTED!" Screamed Link hysterically, throwing himself at the opposite wall and covering his eyes. Midna sighed.

"Give me that," she muttered, stealing Link's sword. She floated up to the painting and sliced through the strings holding it up. The painting fell to the floor, revealing a small alcove containing a switch. Link peeked nervously from behind his paws.

"Oh... I see." He changed into a human and fired an arrow at the switch. The door opened.

"Thanks Midna!" He said.

In the next room, Link froze as he heard talking. Keeping close to the wall, he slowly crept towards the source of the voices. Peeking around the corner, he saw what appeared to be two suits of armour having a conversation.

"And then Edward was like, "Dude, you go guard the stairs. Take a friend with you and wear full armour." And I was like yeah, cool! But it's kinda boring, I'm glad I've got you here to chat with!"

"Yeah same, I kinda wish someone would try and get in! I mean what's the point of guarding when there's nobody to guard against? Plus this armour is really hot, but we're not allowed to take it off..."

"I know right!" The suit of armour raised his voice. "Come on invaders! Please come in and give us a bit of action!" The other suit of armour laughed.

"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!" screamed Link, causing one of the suits of armour to jump a foot in the air (which was quite a feat considering how heavy the armour was) and the other to scream like a Twi-Hard meeting Edward Cullen. Link leapt at the suit of armour on the left and slammed his sword into its shoulder. Several chunks of armour fell off and clattered on the floor as Link attacked.

"Oy!" Yelled the armour Link had hit, swinging his massive mace towards Link. Link narrowly dodged it and slashed with his sword, but the armour blocked it with its shield. Moments later Link was sent flying as the other armour swung its own mace at him from behind. He slammed into the wall and slid down, dazed. The armours crowded around him.

"Well look at that! We asked for an invader and we got one!"

"What should we do to him?"

"Are you stupid?! Edward Cullen said to kill any invaders!"

"No! I mean, do we kill him, or do we take him to Edward to kill, or do we make him into a vampire?"

"Come on man! When Edward says kill, he means kill!"

"Yeah but..." While they were arguing about what to do with him, Link cautiously got to his feet and sneaked behind them. He raised his sword, but hesitated.

"Hey, he's gone!" One of the suits spun round searching for Link, catching him with his mace and once again sending him flying. However, the armour did not seem to notice this due to his limited field of vision out of the small eye holes in his helmet.

"He's not over here and he's not over there... where can he have gone?" Link meanwhile pulled out a bottle and swore quietly as he realised it was empty. His health was dangerously low and he had no potion, so he decided the best approach would be a hasty retreat to the market to buy more potion. Slowly, he crept out of the door.

Once Link had restored his health and bought some potion for later, he returned to the room with the armoured vampires. This time he found them sitting down in exactly the same place he'd left them and chatting.

"Hey!" He said angrily, addressing the one he had attacked. "I knocked half of your amour off!"

"You again!" Exclaimed the vampire. "I picked it up and put it back on, what did you think I'd do?!" The two of them attempted to get to their feet, but their heavy armour made it impossible for them to get up.

"Need a hand?" Link asked.

"Thanks," said the vampires as he helped them to their feet. "Now let's fight!"

Once Link had defeated both armoured vampires, he exited the room and found himself on a balcony. Turning, he saw a chest in a room blocked by bars. However, as he looked the bars slid open, and a small pack of werewolves ran out of the room howling at him. He drew his sword, but winced as an arrow hit him in the shoulder. Looking up, he saw vampires shooting out of the windows of the tower. He sighed and drew his bow and arrow, but before he made a move two brown blurs shot past him. One of them shot upwards towards the vampires, who screamed before being yanked out of the windows and thrown off the balcony. The other slammed into the werewolves, causing them to burst into sparkles and vanish. Link stared as the baby winged werewolves flapped towards him.

"Oh! It's Wendy and... sorry, what's your name?"

"Yep! That's right!" said the boy wolf cheerfully.

"What?" Said Link, confused.

"Yeah?"

"No, what is your name?"

"Yes it is. You've just said that!"

"I don't understand..."

"My name is Watt! What's so difficult to understand?!"

"Oh," said Link feeling stupid. "Sorry. Thanks for coming to help me though!"

"No problem! Mummy said we should help you out because you reunited us with Wesley!"

"Oh ok! Are Wesley, your... mummy... and your sister here too?" Link asked.

"They were here but I don't know where they are," said Wendy. "We should go and find them now."

"Ok. Thank you very much for helping me," said Link as the two werewolves flew away. He continued walking until he reached the room with the chest. He opened the chest and retrieved a massive, ornate key.

"Guess this is for Edward's room then. Let's go."

When Link entered the next room, his legs began to feel heavier and heavier until it felt he was just dragging himself across the floor. Midna frowned at him.

"Come on, hurry up!"

"I can't... there's something on my legs!" He changed into a wolf and looked. There were several pale rat-like creatures that he could not see before clinging to his legs and hampering his movements.

"Get off!" He snarled, and spun around, snapping at the creatures and attempting to scrape them off with his paw. Midna, who could not see the creatures, watched in confusion as Link appeared to chase his tail, bite himself in the leg, and smack himself in the face.

"Are you alright there Link?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Link said, having killed all the rat like creatures. "Now come on, we need to find Edward- ARGH!" He leapt into the air in fright, and fled. Unfortunately the room he was in was filled with gaping bottomless pits, so he fell into one of these in his attempt to run. He reappeared at the entrance, quivering.

"What _is _the matter with you today?!" Midna asked.

"Those ghosts... the pointing ones... there are more of them!"

"What are they pointing at this time?"

"Well this time they're not crowded all together, they are spread out across the room. But the one there was pointing in that direction."

"Well maybe he's saying that's where you should walk?"

"No! I don't trust them!"

"Why not? They helped you earlier!"

"But they're scary! I'm gonna go this way instead." Link walked across the floor, carefully avoiding the massive holes in the floor and the ghost. However he had the shock of his life when the piece of floor he was standing on gave way and collapsed, dropping him into the hole below.

"I suppose I'll have to trust the ghosts then," he sighed when he reappeared at the exit.

Once Link had followed the ghosts directions, he found himself standing at the foot of a massive spiral staircase. However, like the room, it was falling into disrepair with massive gaping holes. Link sighed. It was obvious he was going to have to do some jumping to get up. As he prepared himself, a faint noise caught his ears.

"Can you hear that Midna?" He asked. Midna listened carefully.

"It sounds like someone playing a piano." Link nodded; it was definitely a piano.

"Do you reckon that's Edward?" Link asked. Midna nodded. "He's good," Link continued. "Wait a second... I recognise that tune!"

"I was thinking that! Is that..." Midna looked at Link, extremely confused. "Is that the dance of the sugar plum fairy?!"

"I think it is!"

"Not exactly the best choice of tune to have us quaking in our boots before we reach him!"

"If he's trying to be sinister he's doing a very, very bad job."

Half way up the stairs, the music began to slow down. Wrong notes were played and the general quality of the playing began to deteriorate. Link looked at Midna.

"What do you think is happening?" Midna shrugged.

"I have no idea." Then, both of them jumped out of their skins as there was a loud crash of discordant piano notes, as if somebody had slammed their hand onto the piano.

"And what on earth is that about?!" Link said as the notes continued.

"Maybe he lost his temper and hit the piano."

"But why is it still carrying on? The notes would have ended when he removed his hand!"

"We'll just have to go find out!" Link nodded and continued up the broken staircase.

When the pair reached the top of the stairs, the first thing they saw was a woman carrying what looked like a bottle of blood slamming her hands on a door.

"Edward! EDWARD! Are you in there? Is everything OK?"

"Ahem," Link said. The lady jumped and dropped the bottle, which smashed on the floor and spilled blood everywhere. She turned to him, furious, and Link realised she was a vampire.

"You!" She snarled. "What did you do to Edward?" Sparkling barriers rose up around them.

"I didn't do anything! I haven't even gone in there yet! The door is still locked!" The lady looked at the door and relaxed visibly.

"Alright then." The barriers dropped. Hesitantly, Link walked towards the door. He wasn't surprised when the barrier reappeared.

"Idiot," growled the lady. "Did you really think I'll just let you walk in there and attack my brother?"

"Who are you?" Link asked.

"Rosalie Hale. Edward Cullen's adoptive sister. I've been looking after him, bringing him blood and all because of _you!"_ Link raised his shield to block as she swung a massive sword formed of sparkles at him. It bounced off his shield and Link attempted to jab at her side, but Rosalie blocked. It was then that Link noticed her arms were beginning to sparkle, along with the rest of her body.

"Sparkle armour! Like Bella used!" He said.

"That's right. Bella taught me how to do it!"

"Well I beat Bella so you'll be easy!" Link growled, swinging at Rosalie's unprotected side. Just as the sword was about to connect, a shield shimmered into existence and blocked the blow. Link snarled and slammed his sword again and again on the shield, attempting to break it. Rosalie raised her sword and slashed at Link's head, who ducked to avoid the blow. However her sword sliced through Link's already mangled hat, cutting the tip off and causing the remains to fall off his head and land in the puddle of blood.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Link cried. Rosalie laughed cruelly. Link snarled and dived forwards, rolling across the floor. Rosalie attempted to turn and face him, but her sparkling armour reduced her mobility and Link stabbed his sword at her back. After a few stabs, part of Rosalie's armour shimmered and vanished.

"It's your swords shiny power!" Midna yelled. "It's destroying her armour!" Rosalie growled and finally managed to turn and face Link. Without warning, she slammed her shield into Link's face. Link fell backwards, eyes watering both from the pain and from the sparkles. However when he was on the floor he took the opportunity to slash at Rosalie's lower legs. She screamed and fell to the floor as the armour on her legs vanished and Link's sword hit her ankle. Link raised his sword but Rosalie dropped her shield and grabbed his wrist, raising her own sword. Link struggled and broke free of her grasp. He stood up and stabbed at the last part of Rosalie's armour until it vanished. With blinding speed, she leapt to her feet and slashed at his shoulder.

"She's faster without the armour!" Midna said.

"I noticed," panted Link, attempting to block Rosalie's assault. He leapt to one side to avoid a sideswipe, then ducked under another vicious slash.

"Surprise!" He yelled, copying what Rosalie had done earlier and slamming his shield into her face. She staggered back and Link stabbed one last time. She hissed.

"Doesn't matter. You're no match for Edward." Link threw himself backwards as she began to glitter. There was a flash of light and then Rosalie was gone. Link picked himself off the floor and walked to the door.

"This is it then, I guess." He pushed the key in and unlocked the door.


	29. The End! (Or is it?)

_This is the longest chapter I've ever written for this story._

_..._

"Zelda!" Link cried, running to where Zelda was suspended about 20 feet in the air in the centre of a giant statue of the triforce. "I'll save you, don't worry! Now Midna, just give me a boost up and I'll climb the statue! Midna?" Link turned round as he realised Midna wasn't listening to him. She was staring at something else.

"I think we found out the mystery of the piano!" Link looked and saw who he assumed was Edward Cullen slumped fast asleep on a piano.

"Why is he asleep?" Link asked.

"How am I supposed to know? I guess he got so tired waiting up for us he just fell asleep whilst playing! Remember what those werewolves said? Apparently he's been sitting there for days just playing the piano."

"Well this is our lucky day!" Said Link. "I can rescue Zelda, kill him, and with zero risk to anyone!"

"Oh come on. You can't just kill him whilst he's asleep. That's not fair at all!"

"Well it's not fair that I got dragged into all this, but you don't see me complaining!"

"You have the triforce of courage! You're not meant to do cowardly things like that!"

"Fine. Zelda has the triforce of wisdom, so I'll rescue her first and ask her _wise _opinion as to what I should do with him! She'll give me the clever answer!"

"And how exactly do you intend to rescue Zelda? She's all the way up there!"

"I'll climb it!" Link walked back to the statue and attempted to find a handhold. He pulled himself up, but slipped back down again.

"Um... Link?" Midna said. Link ignored her. "Link!" She said urgently. "This is important!"

"No it's not," said Link.

"Yes it is!"

"Well what is it then?" He asked, turning around. And coming face to face with Edward Cullen, who did not look happy about being woken up to find intruders in his lair.

"Oh."

"Told you so," muttered Midna. Edward backhanded Link, sending him skidding across the floor.

"So you made it then." Edward's voice was flat and bored sounding. Link picked himself off the floor.

"Too damn right we did!"

"Anyway, I haven't yet introduced myself. I am, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, Edward Cullen. Main character of Twilight and fantasy of millions of teenage girls. And you are...?"

"You know who I am!"

"Yes, but I believe it is proper battle etiquette to introduce yourselves before a fight."

"Fine. I'm Jim the milkman. I only came here to deliver your milk. I don't know why you're being so violent towards me!" Link said in a patronising voice.

"And I'm Bob, his apprentice," Midna added. "I've always dreamed of being a milkman and Jim was kind enough to give me an apprenticeship!" Edward glared at them.

"Alright then, I can see you don't want to do things the proper way. I suppose I'll just have to show you who's in charge here then. I can tell you're eager to see your friend again, how about I bring her down here to say hello?"

"No," Midna hissed and floated protectively in front of Zelda. Edward Cullen smiled.

"Scared?" He turned to face Zelda, his fingertips beginning to glitter.

"Midna! Get out of the way!" Link yelled. However, when the sparkling beams erupted from Edwards fingertips they appeared to pass straight through Midna without damaging her at all. She looked at herself, shocked that she was completely alright, and turned to Zelda.

"Zelda?" She said. Edward Cullen laughed and appeared to dissolve into sparkles. Zelda opened her eyes.

"Midna?" She said. Midna sighed in relief and stretched out her hand towards Zelda before realising something was very wrong.

Zelda laughed, but it was not her normal laugh. It was Edwards. She raised her hand and fired a small burst of sparkle power at Midna. Even though it was a tiny amount, it was still powerful enough to send Midna shooting across the room and almost out of the door. Zelda floated down towards Link and sparkling barriers appeared around them, shutting Midna out. Link drew his sword and faced Zelda.

"Zelda... I'm very sorry, but I think I'm going to have to beat you up." A sparkling sword formed in Zelda's hand and she swooped at Link. She was extremely fast and Link barely had time to leap out of the way. He attempted an attack in return but she was too fast, hovering just out of his reach. He fired some arrows at her but she floated out of the way. She raised her sword, which began glittering even more brightly. A sparkling sphere began to form at the end of it. Link stepped back, ready to avoid the attack. However, out of the corner of his eye he saw Midna frantically waving from beyond the barrier. He looked at her. She pointed at Zelda and made a batting motion with her hand. Link nodded, understanding. From out of nowhere, he pulled out a tennis racket. Midna immediately started shaking her head and making "stop" signals with her hands but Link was no longer looking at her. Instead he was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet like a tennis player, watching Zelda intently. Outside of the barrier, Midna sighed and smacked her forehead.

Zelda swung her sword forwards and propelled the sparkling ball towards Link. Link waited until the perfect moment before swinging his tennis racket at the ball. Predictably, the ball burnt a hole in the tennis racket and smacked into him. He fell backwards, gasping in pain and glared at Midna. She shook her head knowingly and pointed first to him, then to Zelda, then made a batting motion. Link produced a baseball bat from nowhere and looked questioningly at her. She shook her head violently so he produced a squash racket instead. Then a cricket bat. Then a ping pong paddle. Then a badminton racket. Suddenly, Midna began pointing at him. He held up the badminton racket.

"This one?" He mouthed. Midna shook her head and continued pointing urgently. He looked down to see that a large triangle shaped portion of floor was beginning to glitter ominously, and he was sitting right in the centre of it. He leapt to one side, but not quick enough to escape the sparkling flames that roared up. He rolled on the floor to extinguish the flames on his clothes, then looked up just in time to see another sparkling orb headed straight for him. Instinctively, he held up his sword to block the blow, doubting it would do any good. However when the ball reached him, it simply bounced off his sword. Link blinked. Instead of being sparkly, the ball now appeared to be shiny. He looked at Midna, who grinned and gave him a thumbs up. He stood up and raised his sword, watching Zelda closely. When the ball reached her, she hit it with her own sparkling sword, causing it to stop being shiny and regain its sparkle. This continued between them for several minutes until Zelda missed the ball and it hit her in the stomach. She screamed, and for a split second, the sparkling barriers dropped. They were down just long enough for Midna to fly into the makeshift arena and float towards Zelda. The fused shadows appeared and fixed around Midna's head, transforming her into the shining beast that had destroyed the barrier around the castle. Zelda's eyes widened.

"Jacob!" she screamed in Edward's voice. "Get here now, Jacob!" Then Midna fired a stream of shiny power at her and she flopped to the floor, unconscious.

"Zelda! Is she ok?" Asked Link anxiously. Midna nodded.

"The shiny power won't hurt her. It just got rid of Edward's influence. I think you've got bigger problems to worry about now though..." Link looked up. They were not alone in the room.

A young adult male was walking towards him and Link noticed that the sparkling barriers had reappeared.

"Jacob?" Link asked. Jacob nodded.

"Edward told me I have to kill you. I have no objections to that."

"Why are you doing as he tells you? I thought werewolves hate vampires?"

"I've decided I like Hyrule. Maybe one day I can destroy Edward Cullen and take it for myself. You've helped by getting rid of Bella, thank you for that. I was hoping you'd get rid of Edward too, but no such luck."

"You want Hyrule too? Well you can't have it!" Snarled Link. Jacob smiled, and Link watched as his teeth lengthened.

"I was hoping you'd say that." He dropped to all fours and transformed into the biggest werewolf Link had ever seen. Rearing up on his back legs, he let loose a bloodcurdling howl before charging around the room. Link leapt out of the way and narrowly avoided being trampled. Jacob skidded to a halt and turned to face Link before charging straight at him. Link stood his ground and pulled out a bow and arrow, shooting straight into Jacob's face. Jacob skidded and toppled onto his side. Link leapt at him and slashed with his sword. The sword bounced off Jacob's tough fur without leaving a mark.

"His skin's too tough!" Link said, exasperated.

"Go for his belly!" Midna said, stroking Jacob's belly. "The fur here is so soft..." Link hesitated, then put out a hand and stroked the werewolf.

"That's so soft! It's so nice..." Jacob growled and leapt to his feet, cuffing Link around the back of his head with a giant paw. Link fell and Jacob ran forwards, trampling him.

"I meant attack it, not stroke it!" Midna yelled.

"But it was so soft and fluffy!" Then, abruptly, Jacob vanished.

"What?" Link stood up. "Where'd he go?" Midna pointed at the sparkling barrier. At various points there was a rippling effect, as if something was about to come through.

"Great. A teleporting werewolf, that's all I need." The other ripples faded and one remained. Link faced it with his bow drawn.

"It must be that one!" Sure enough, a few seconds later Jacob burst out of the barrier howling. However when Link let the arrow fly, Jacob vanished again. "I can't hit him! He's vanishing when I shoot!"

"Change into a wolf," Midna said. Link stared at her.

"How will that help?"

"Just trust me. Change and face him straight on when he charges at you. Stand your ground. C'mon, wolf on wolf! You can have..." Midna grinned, "A dog fight!"

"That's not funny! This had better work," Link muttered, changing into his wolf form. Midna sat on his back.

"Trust me, it will. Now watch the barrier." Link watched the ripples closely until only one remained.

"That's the one! Are you ready?" Midna asked. Link nodded. Jacob shot out of the barrier straight towards Link. Despite his instinct being to get the hell out of the way, Link remained put. He shut his eyes, certain this was going to be painful. However, seconds passed and there was still no impact.

"Link!" Link opened his eyes. Midna was holding Jacob inches away from Link with her giant hand. "Help me throw him!" Link shoved sideways as hard as he could until Jacob toppled. This time, instead of petting Jacob's soft fluffy belly like he really really wanted to, Link leapt on him and clamped it in his jaws, shaking, snapping and digging his claws. Jacob struggled but Link somehow kept him pinned down long enough to attack until Jacob lay still.

"Did we do it?" Link asked cautiously. Midna shook her head.

"I think he's just unconscious, be careful." There was movement behind them and Link spun round, sword raised. However, it was only Zelda.

"Link, Midna. Thank you. It's not over yet, Edward is still around somewhere..." As if on cue, the air next to Jacob's massive form began glittering. Link drew his sword but Midna raised a hand.

"I'll deal with this. Go."

"Midna..." Link said, before realising the room around him was fading. "No! Wait!" He cried. However, it was too late. Link and Zelda were teleported outside, leaving Midna inside to face Edward and Jacob.

Link and Zelda looked up at the castle silently, waiting for some sort of reassurance. As they watched, a large cloud of dust rose up and the castle collapsed.

"Midna!" Link gasped.

"She can teleport," Zelda said confidently. "She'll be fine. We'll see her in a minute." They waited and waited. And then Link heard a sound that chilled his blood. Jacob's howl echoed across the empty field and with a flash of sparkles Edward Cullen appeared riding on Jacob's back towards Link and Zelda. He was holding something in his hand, and Link squinted trying to see what it was. When he discovered what it was he gave a gasp of horror. It was the fused shadows. Edward Cullen smiled and crushed them in his fist, dropping them to the floor.

"Let's see how well you fight without your friend helping out," he sneered. Jacob reared back and roared. As if on cue, other werewolves with vampires on their back glittered into existence around Edward and charged as one. Link and Zelda stood frozen. There was no way they could avoid all of the attackers.

"Light spirits!" Zelda yelled, raising her arms in the air. "A little help would be great right now!" There was a flash of light and Link and Zelda vanished from the field. Link looked around. He was surrounded by the light spirits. Zelda turned to him.

"Looks like the shiny power of your sword won't be quite enough. We'll need these guys help too." She looked at the light spirits.

"Can I have shiny arrows please?" The light spirits nodded and the air in front of them began to shine until the light formed several shining arrows. These floated down gently and Zelda grabbed them out of the air.

"These will slow Jacob down," she said. "When we get back to the field, call Epona. You try and get me in range of them, and I'll shoot Jacob with the arrows. He won't be able to run so fast then, so we can catch up with him and you can attack Edward. Does that sound like a good plan?" Link stared, mouth wide open.

"So much shiiiny..."

"Link! Now is not the time!" Zelda snapped. Link jumped.

"Yes. You're right. That's a good plan. Let's go." The light slowly faded and they reappeared in the field, behind the charging werewolves. Link quickly pulled out his horse whistle and blew it. The werewolves screeched to a halt and Link heard the vampires' cries of confusion.

"Where'd they go?"

"I think we got them!"

"Someone help... I fell off my wolf and got trampled..."

"Look! A squirrel!"

"Oh shut up you idiots," snarled Edward, waving a hand. The vampires and their wolves vanished into sparkles. "I'll call you again when I actually need you. Now Jacob, where have they gone?"

"Hurry up Epona!" muttered Link. Jacob sniffed the air.

"They just vanished... their scent is gone."

"They must be around here somewhere!" Said Edward. "Find them!"

"Come ON Epona!" Muttered Link. There was a deafening neigh from behind them. Link and Zelda jumped, and Edward and Jacob spun around.

"There they are!" Link and Zelda hurriedly jumped on Epona's back.

"Way to give us away there, you stupid horse!" Link muttered, turning Epona round and shaking her reins. Epona slowly began to trot.

"Faster!" Reluctantly, Epona sped up a little. Zelda turned round.

"He's gaining on us!"

"For god's sake Epona, look over there, you see that big werewolf? He'll eat you if you don't get a move on!" Link snapped. Epona whinnied in terror and began to gallop at top speed.

"We need to get behind them somehow," Zelda said.

"Why can't you shoot from this angle?!" Link said, attempting to circle round and come up behind Edward.

"I've got back pains!"

"WHAT?! This is a life or death situation, can't you put up with it a little?! I have back pains too, from being trampled by that stupid werewolf while I was trying to rescue you, and you don't see me complaining!"

"I'm a Princess. I am not accustomed to this sort of thing."

"Stupid Princess," snarled Link. "Toughen up a little!" Edward charged straight towards them, sparkling sword raised. Link raised his shield just in time to block the blow, but the force of the attack knocked him off Epona. He fell to the ground and flinched, preparing to be trampled as Jacob charged towards him. However there was a sudden flash of light and Jacob whined, changing his direction.

"Link!" Zelda held out her hand. "Quick, I hit him. We need to catch up." Link grabbed Zelda's hand and leapt up onto Epona, urging her on. He could see the arrow sticking out of Jacob's leg now, and his speed had noticeably decreased. His fur also appeared to be shining slightly. Just as they were almost upon him, they noticed what Edward was doing. He was leaning down, and as they watched he grasped the arrow and pulled it roughly out of Jacob's leg. Jacob howled and spun round so he was now facing Link and Zelda. Link spun Epona in a circle and began a hasty retreat. Jacob snarled and charged, gaining on them at a fantastic speed.

"When I say now, duck!" Link said.

"What?!" Said Zelda.

"NOW!" Link yelled, pulling Epona's reins hard. Epona skidded to a halt and Link and Zelda ducked as Jacob and Edward shot past them, sword whistling over their heads. Link shook the reins and began the pursuit.

"Am I close enough yet?" He asked.

"A little closer!" Edward looked behind him and snarled angrily. He raised his hand and a sparkly mist appeared to float out of his hand and split into several balls which plunged to the ground in several spots between Edward and Link. As they hit the ground, werewolf riding vampires glittered into existence, charging towards Link who hastily changed direction to avoid them. He circled around them, then continued his pursuit of Edward. Edward summoned more vampires, but this time Link watched carefully and rode straight through a gap between two of them. Edward grimaced and banished the vampires.

"Keep going!" Zelda urged. Link could see a faint glow behind him and hoped that meant he was nearly close enough. Sure enough, an arrow shot past his left ear and buried itself in Jacob's back leg. Jacob howled, fur on end, and slowed. Link sped Epona on until he was alongside Edward and swung his sword. Just in time, Edward formed a sparkling shield and the blow bounced off.

"Well I can't hit you," growled Link. "But I can hit your pet!" With that, he leapt off Epona, sword pointed downwards. He landed on Jacobs back and plunged his sword into the werewolf's neck. Jacob bucked, sending Link and Edward flying off his back. He writhed on the floor and howled before transforming back into a human and bursting into sparkles.

Link and Edward picked themselves off the floor, glaring at eachother.

"That's a shame," sighed Edward. "He was a valuable ally. But then again, you've also done me a favour. I knew he was plotting against me, and I was going to have to kill him sooner or later." He raised a hand and reformed his sparkly sword, which had vanished when he was thrown off Jacob. "And now it's your turn." A sparkling barrier rose up, separating Link from Epona and Zelda.

"Link!" Zelda yelled, running to the barrier.

"Zelda! You can't help here. Take Epona and find Midna!" Link replied, drawing his sword.

"No, I'll stay! I'm sure I'll be able to help somehow! Umm..."

"You'll be more help looking for Midna!" Link growled, keeping an eye on Edward as he began slowly walking towards him.

"No wait! I've got it! This'll make you win for sure!" Out of nowhere, Zelda produced a pair of cheerleading pompoms. "Link! Link! He's our man! If he can't do it no-one can!" She chanted.

"Don't you care about what happens to Midna at all?! Go find her!" Link yelled, before Edward lunged at him.

He raised his shield to block but almost immediately Edward twisted his sword and changed the direction of his attack. Link couldn't block in time, so instead leapt backwards to avoid the blow. He skirted around Edward warily, watching closely for any movements. Suddenly Edward leapt at him and attacked furiously. Link blocked the first attack but the second caught him in the side and knocked him to the floor. He rolled away as Edward stabbed at where his head had been moments before. Edward's sword sank deep into the ground. Link, seeing his chance, leapt to his feet and pounced at Edward. Just in time Edward yanked his sword from the ground and blocked Link's blow. Link pressed harder against Edward's sword, trying to push him backwards. However Edward was doing the same thing in return, and Link realised with horror that Edward was probably not even using the full extent of his vampire strength. So he decided to change tactic. Without warning, Link pulled his blade back and dropped to the floor. Edward, now having nothing to lean against, stumbled forwards and Link took the opportunity to leap up and attack Edward's unguarded back.

Edward growled in pain and spun round, shooting sparkle power straight at Link's eyes. Link fell backwards, unable to see anything except glitter. For a horrible moment he thought he might be blinded permanently until he rubbed his watering eyes and realised he could still see a little bit, although it hurt a lot.

"What did you do?!" He growled. "This isn't sparkle power!" Edward laughed and produced a tube of glitter.

"I threw glitter in your eyes. I can't be bothered to waste my sparkle power on a worm like you!" He threw the tube to the floor and swung his sword at Link. It was still difficult for Link to see and he was unable to dodge the attack. As he fell he pulled out his sword and slashed at where he thought Edward's legs would be, however the clang as his sword collided with something metal showed him he was not successful. He crawled backwards, away from where he thought Edward was. As he moved further backwards, he thought he could hear Zelda with her stupid cheerleading chants again.

"Zelda!" He yelled. "Stop cheerleading and tell me what Edward's doing!"

"I can't do that! You might get discouraged!"

"I'd rather get discouraged than dead!" Link growled. "Now tell me what he's doing!"

"Ummm... well he's running straight towards you with his sword raised looking murderous at the moment." Link swore and threw himself to one side. Unfortunately he hadn't realised that he was standing right next to the sparkling barrier and jumped straight into it. He screamed as he was zapped with sparkle power and thrown back into the arena.

"Oh yeah, watch out for the sparkly barrier!" Zelda called.

"Thanks Zelda," he muttered, picking himself up and desperately trying to wipe the glitter out of his eyes. "Thanks a bunch." He got to his feet and raised his sword as he saw something swinging towards him, feeling a clang as Edward's sword hit his own. Bit by bit, his vision was returning and he could now see well enough to get in a lucky jab at Edward's side. Edward hissed as the shiny power burnt him and kicked at Link, trying to knock him over. Link leapt out of the way and stabbed unsuccessfully. Edward stalked towards him and slashed. Link blocked with his shield but Edward stopped the attack at the last second and stabbed at Link's other side with blinding speed. Link barely managed to block this, and a kick in the knee from Edward sent him stumbling backwards. Edward leapt forwards and slashed at Link's side with his sparkling sword.

Link fell backwards, gasping for breath and Edward smiled, revealing his sharp elongated canines.

"You only have one heart left." Link froze as he realised it was true. Desperately, he checked his bottles. Both empty. Edward strolled towards Link, taking his time. "I'll admit you're the strongest opponent I've faced so far. Still, I'm surprised you managed to kill Jacob, but not surprised that I've won this." He raised his sword. Link threw himself to one side desperately, landing on a pot. The pot smashed under his weight and something shiny flew out of it. Edward's eyes narrowed.

"What's that? And what are pots doing in the middle of a field?" He raised his sword again. "It doesn't matter. Whatever it is can't help you now." Link snatched at the air, glanced at his hand and smiled.

"Oh really?" He showed Edward the object. It was a fairy.

"Wow. A fairy. I am so terrified." Edward said patronisingly. "Now can we please get on with this?"

"OK!" sang Link happily, and crammed the fairy in his mouth. He stood up, health completely restored. Edward looked taken aback.

"What?! Why do that?"

"Didn't you know fairies restore my health?" Asked Link.

"No, I've never played Legend of Zelda."

"Well you should, it's an awesome game!" Said Link and attacked. Edward growled and leapt forwards. He grabbed both of Link's wrists and held them still, then leant forwards and dug his fangs into Link's neck.

"Ow! Hey, what gives?!" Link cried. "Oww! Don't bite me! That's just weird! You can't just go around biting people! It's not normal." Link stopped for a second as he realised he was beginning to feel slightly strange. "Ughh... are you drinking my blood or something? I feel all woozy..." Edward released Link, pushing him backwards. Link fell onto the floor, dizzy from blood loss.

"It restores my health!" Edward growled, wiping blood from his mouth. "I didn't complain when you did that for extra health, you shouldn't complain when I do that for extra health!" Out of the corner of his eye, Link spotted something on the floor next to him. He kept talking, hoping Edward wouldn't notice.

"Yes but... you can't just bite me! It's weird! That's _my_ blood, you're not allowed to drink it! Zelda, you agree with me don't you?!"

"Well I don't know Link, he _is _a vampire after all, that _is_ what they do... What I'm wondering is why he didn't just drain all your blood straight off and kill you!"

"You're meant to be on my side, Zelda! Don't give him ideas! Stupid overgrown mosquito."

"Hey! Don't insult vampires or I'll bite you again! And this time I _will _drain you dry!"

"Why did you do it in the first place?!"

"Come on. Haven't you ever read Twilight? Or any vampire book for that matter?"

"No I haven't read Twilight."

"Well you should, it's an awesome book!" Edward replied. All throughout this argument, Link had been slowly crawling across the floor. At this point, he reached out, grabbed something, and leapt to his feet.

"Twilight is a rubbish book!" He yelled, hurling the tube of glitter Edward had dropped earlier straight at his eyes. Edward let loose a girly squeal.

"Oh! My eyes! Blinded by my own glitter! Curse you!" Link ran forwards and swiped at Edward. Edward attempted to block but obviously could not see a thing as the blow connected with his side. Edward stumbled backwards, then sank to his knees. Link walked forwards, aimed his sword, and stabbed the vampire through the heart.

Edward screamed and began glittering.

"Damn you!" He yelled. "This is not the end! I will return and make you regret this!"

"Just hurry up and die," Link said.

"I'm taking you with me!" The sparkling walls collapsed as Edward concentrated his sparkle power.

"Zelda! Heeeeelp!" Link yelled. He pulled the sword out of Edward's chest and tried to run, but Edward grabbed hold of his ankle.

"You know, I bit you," he hissed. "I could turn you into a vampire right now. All it would take is a little sparkle power." Link stabbed at Edward's wrist, panicking.

"Get off!"

"You'll be dragged back into Twilight with me when I die," Edward continued. "And then I'll make you regret this!" Link struggled as the sparkles grew brighter. Link's ankle was beginning to feel burnt. "Just you wait," Edward growled. "You may have defeated us separately, but back in Twilight you'll..." Then there was a sudden flash of light and Edward vanished. Link blinked.

"Oh. That was sort of anticlimactic." He turned to Zelda. "Did you do that?"

"Wasn't me," Zelda said. "I guess he just spent too long threatening you and died."

"Oh well." Link shrugged. "I'm not complaining. Looks like I've done it! Let's go party!" Then he remembered.

"Midna!" He gasped. "Where's Midna?!"

"How am I meant to know?" Zelda shrugged indifferently.

"Why didn't you go look for her when I told you to?! Never mind, you're useless anyway, I'll go find her myself..." He ran to Epona and leapt onto her back. "Go Epona, go!" Epona began to trot lazily. "Stupid horse! I'm faster than you when I'm walking!" Link growled. "Why does nobody care about what happened to Midna?!" He ran forwards, then gasped as he saw a dark silhouette making its way towards him.

"Midna! You're alive!" He ran towards the silhouette.

There was a flash of light and Link found himself face to face with a tall, graceful lady with red eyes and pale skin that seemed to shine slightly.

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else. You haven't seen a little imp-like creature around here have you?"

"Link..." Zelda began.

"She's about this tall," Link indicated, "Can be extremely annoying sometimes..."

"Link!" Zelda said.

"Um... she sometimes makes a big hand come out of her head which is kinda weird to be honest..."

"LINK!" Zelda yelled. Link turned to look at Zelda.

"Shush! I'm busy!" He turned back to the lady to see her staring at him, looking unimpressed.

"What's up?" He said.

"It's me you idiot! I'm Midna!"

"No you're not, Midna is a lot shorter than you and wears this stupid helmet thing!"

"Oy! Stupid! You just killed Edward Cullen and broke the curse on me! So I don't look like that anymore!"

"... Oh." Link said, feeling stupid. "So you're Midna?"

"Yes!"

"You survived!" Link whooped. "I was so worried!" He ran forward and hugged Midna. Midna hugged him back and grinned.

"Yes I survived. And it's thanks to me Edward didn't vampirise you and drag you back to Twilight!"

"That was you!" Link gasped. "Thank you Midna!"

"It's fine, you broke my curse! I'd say that about evens it out. Anyway, Edward Cullen is dead now! Let's go celebrate!"

"Yeahh!" Cried Link.

After weeks of partying, the time came for Midna to return to the Twilight realm.

"You sure you can't just stay here?" Link asked forlornly as Midna walked towards the steps to the Twilight mirror.

"I'm sorry," Midna said. "I have to go. I need to take back my role as Princess."

"Can't you find someone else to do it?!" Link asked.

"I wish I could, but no. I need to get rid of the sparkle power that's still in my realm. Also..." Midna looked away. "We can't risk any of the remaining sparkle power leaking out into Hyrule. We're going to have to destroy the Twilight mirror."

"What?!" Link said. "But then we'll never be able to see eachother again! We don't have to destroy it! If Twilight invades again you'll need my help to get rid of it again! It's safer to leave the mirror intact." Midna climbed the steps.

"I'm sorry Link... there's no choice."

"Yes there is!" Link yelled. Midna stood next to the mirror and turned to face Link. She looked upset.

"I'm sorry Link, but this is goodbye. I can't stay here, and you can't come with me. I wish I could, but I can't. Goodbye..." Then she stepped into the mirror. Link ran after her but before he could reach the mirror cracks appeared on its surface and it shattered. He stood there for a moment, shocked at how suddenly it had happened. Then he noticed something shiny on the floor that didn't look like a mirror piece. He ran over and picked it up. It stopped shining as he touched it, and he realised it was some sort of tube with a note wrapped around it. He unrolled the note and began to read.

_HA! Fooled you! What, you thought it was really goodbye for good?! You should have seen your face! Hilarious! All that stuff about sparkle power leaking into Hyrule was completely made up! Now hurry up and fix that mirror so you can come visit me!_

_Midna_

Link finished the note, feeling a burst of hope. He looked at the tube and laughed out loud as he saw what it was. It was a tube of superglue. Still laughing at the way he had been tricked, he walked around the chamber collecting up the shards of the Twilight mirror.

_**THE END**_

(or is it...?)

_..._

_Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it :D_


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